Esther Perel

When did you do it?

How often did you do it?

Did you do it standing?

Did you do it lying?

Did you keep your clothes on?

Did you bring them to the house?

Go for the meaning.

What did it mean for you?

Why do you think you did this?

And what were you thinking about us as this was happening?

And do you want me to forgive you or do you think I actually would be more respected by you if I didn't forgive you?

Do you think you are forgivable?

Would you have accepted something like that from me?

Go for the investigative questions rather than the detective questions.

For the meaning, not for the meaning, not the fact, because it's in the meaning that you will also understand.

Did it have anything to do with you or with your relationship or did it have absolutely nothing to do with you?

Which is hard to believe, but is actually a lot of the time the case really is nothing to do with you.

Yes, to do with the fact that I felt lousy about myself, that I felt lonely, that I didn't really feel like you were giving me enough attention or that I thought, you know, suddenly somebody is laughing at my jokes again and, you know.

Let me tell you in one sentence that to me became a real, sometimes...

people go to look for the gaze of another, not because they're looking for another partner, but they're looking for another self.