Esther Perel

Looking at how are we interacting in such a way that our communication is really fraught or that we end up both being rejected at the end of every conversation rather than just what happened in my history and what happened in your history. It's understanding. That's it. Problems occur in a context.

You look at how is the system organized around these problems and it is interpersonal and not just intrapersonal.

You look at how is the system organized around these problems and it is interpersonal and not just intrapersonal.

Got it.

Got it.

And that to me was the beginning of thinking relationally. Hence, community, friction, and all of that. If I look at the line, I've been looking at what happens between people and not just inside of the people. And our mental health models have been very, very focused on what happens inside people.

And that to me was the beginning of thinking relationally. Hence, community, friction, and all of that. If I look at the line, I've been looking at what happens between people and not just inside of the people. And our mental health models have been very, very focused on what happens inside people.

And the idea is that if I'm better with myself inside, it will solve all the problems between you and I. If I am more at peace with myself, I'll be nicer to you. If I like myself more, if I'm more selfish, etc. And that is sometimes the case, but it is not the whole story. But the whole story is also the opposite.

And the idea is that if I'm better with myself inside, it will solve all the problems between you and I. If I am more at peace with myself, I'll be nicer to you. If I like myself more, if I'm more selfish, etc. And that is sometimes the case, but it is not the whole story. But the whole story is also the opposite.

If I'm actually engaged with you, I'm less likely sometimes to think about myself all the time and to find meaning in doing things for others and to find relevance and to... Even get confidence because of how other people see me rather than stand alone in front of my mirror and try to say to myself, you're worthy, you're worthy. So that is the big divide at this moment.

If I'm actually engaged with you, I'm less likely sometimes to think about myself all the time and to find meaning in doing things for others and to find relevance and to... Even get confidence because of how other people see me rather than stand alone in front of my mirror and try to say to myself, you're worthy, you're worthy. So that is the big divide at this moment.

That is really an essential division. And then comes technology and then comes technology. you know, climate change and migration and all of the big geopolitical issues. And they all are influencing the way that we are relating to each other. And then instead of just calling it relationships, I began to think, no, no, it's relational intelligence. That's really where I am now.

That is really an essential division. And then comes technology and then comes technology. you know, climate change and migration and all of the big geopolitical issues. And they all are influencing the way that we are relating to each other. And then instead of just calling it relationships, I began to think, no, no, it's relational intelligence. That's really where I am now.

And that's not the same as emotional intelligence. It's really looking at the whole system. Relationships are all relationships have expectations. They have boundaries. They have room for creativity. They have, you know, a dimension of accountability and responsibility.

And that's not the same as emotional intelligence. It's really looking at the whole system. Relationships are all relationships have expectations. They have boundaries. They have room for creativity. They have, you know, a dimension of accountability and responsibility.

They straddle how we negotiate the self and the other, my needs, your needs, you know, how much I connect to you without losing me and how much I connect to me without losing you. All relational systems have hierarchies, have roles. It's a map.

They straddle how we negotiate the self and the other, my needs, your needs, you know, how much I connect to you without losing me and how much I connect to me without losing you. All relational systems have hierarchies, have roles. It's a map.

And what is happening to these systems in light of technology, in light of AI, in light of the fact that, and now we get to the friction, that most of the predictive systems technologies are aiming at reducing friction. And they want you to have a polished, smooth, frictionless delivery of your every delight on demand. And that is fundamentally changing how you and I relate to each other.

And what is happening to these systems in light of technology, in light of AI, in light of the fact that, and now we get to the friction, that most of the predictive systems technologies are aiming at reducing friction. And they want you to have a polished, smooth, frictionless delivery of your every delight on demand. And that is fundamentally changing how you and I relate to each other.

Does that give you how I got to where I am?