Esther Perel

Because then you have to deal with the consequences of knowing.

Some people don't want to know.

But another person in very different set of circumstances.

I would need that.

Fair enough.

Because that for me would just be like.

But you just answered me.

I need to know because I'm prepared to deal with the consequences of knowing.

I just did an episode on my podcast, a 25 year affair.

25 years?

Yeah.

So that's not necessarily for our viewers here, but it is maybe your parents.

Oh, shit.

And she is clear that she doesn't want to leave.

because she's also very clear that they actually had a very good marriage throughout those 25 years.

And that is true too.

And things are not so black and white.

And it is not my job to tell this person nor any friend's job to tell this person and talk about the shame because 25 years, she doesn't want the family to know because she doesn't want them to pity her for staying with him.

And she doesn't want them to be angry at him because then she can't love him if they're all despising him.

So she's now carrying the secret about the secret.