Esther Perel

Task-oriented is what does it deliver? What do I get from this? What's in it for me? This is an amazing expression. It doesn't even translate in French. What's in it for me?

What's in it for me? It's succinct to the point. It's very, very clear what it means. Is there something for me to gain here? It's a very interesting sentence. What's in it for me? you know, versus, you know, pleasure, the fun, the discovery, the exploration, the mystery. The surprise.

What's in it for me? It's succinct to the point. It's very, very clear what it means. Is there something for me to gain here? It's a very interesting sentence. What's in it for me? you know, versus, you know, pleasure, the fun, the discovery, the exploration, the mystery. The surprise.

I mean, those elements, which I consider the elements that are essential ingredients of the erotic, of the feeling alive. Because you can accomplish a lot of things. That doesn't mean you feel alive. It just means that you feel like you've accomplished a lot of things. And it's a different level of existence. And that does go back to the thing I described about my parents before.

I mean, those elements, which I consider the elements that are essential ingredients of the erotic, of the feeling alive. Because you can accomplish a lot of things. That doesn't mean you feel alive. It just means that you feel like you've accomplished a lot of things. And it's a different level of existence. And that does go back to the thing I described about my parents before.

It's like they definitely, I was very central to them. You know, I thought of that recently, because as I listen to you, it brings back memories. My mom used to tell me that when they arrived to Belgium, they would go on Saturday night to the ball, talk about the coming together, and they would go dancing.

It's like they definitely, I was very central to them. You know, I thought of that recently, because as I listen to you, it brings back memories. My mom used to tell me that when they arrived to Belgium, they would go on Saturday night to the ball, talk about the coming together, and they would go dancing.

And they would have to dress up and take the trolleys, the tramway, and go to Brussels and go dancing. And I'm just thinking... Oh, la, la. After all of this, you just went dancing. Didn't you want to first lick your wounds? And it made me think that there are two stances at this moment that stand out.

And they would have to dress up and take the trolleys, the tramway, and go to Brussels and go dancing. And I'm just thinking... Oh, la, la. After all of this, you just went dancing. Didn't you want to first lick your wounds? And it made me think that there are two stances at this moment that stand out.

Certainly in thinking about mental health and trauma and what we're talking about, relationships, joy, loneliness, all of these things. You know, you can... think that healing comes from focusing on the trauma and finding meaning in it and understanding its resonance for you and its long-lasting legacy and all of that.

Certainly in thinking about mental health and trauma and what we're talking about, relationships, joy, loneliness, all of these things. You know, you can... think that healing comes from focusing on the trauma and finding meaning in it and understanding its resonance for you and its long-lasting legacy and all of that.

But healing can also happen by creating new experiences that bring you joy and hope and energy and connection and exploration and all of that, that that in itself is healing. And I think that those are two very important doors that we stand in front at this moment, individually and as groups, as communities.

But healing can also happen by creating new experiences that bring you joy and hope and energy and connection and exploration and all of that, that that in itself is healing. And I think that those are two very important doors that we stand in front at this moment, individually and as groups, as communities.

Or in a couple, sometimes you need to first start by addressing all the problems. Or sometimes you start by actually talking about the things that are going really well and the things in which you connect beautifully and the things that never pose a problem so you don't even think about them.

Or in a couple, sometimes you need to first start by addressing all the problems. Or sometimes you start by actually talking about the things that are going really well and the things in which you connect beautifully and the things that never pose a problem so you don't even think about them.

And you first need to like the person again and they first need to feel like you want to be touched by them again. And then maybe you can go and sit down and think about what happened when you had this mega argument. You know, and a lot of people in the field of conflict are talking about 80-20, right? It's the 80% that you actually agree upon or share a vision for or care for.

And you first need to like the person again and they first need to feel like you want to be touched by them again. And then maybe you can go and sit down and think about what happened when you had this mega argument. You know, and a lot of people in the field of conflict are talking about 80-20, right? It's the 80% that you actually agree upon or share a vision for or care for.

And the 20% that you don't, but we have a real knack at this moment to go to the 20% first. And I think that we have a lot to gain to rebalance that a little bit. That's where I'm at.

And the 20% that you don't, but we have a real knack at this moment to go to the 20% first. And I think that we have a lot to gain to rebalance that a little bit. That's where I'm at.

And you know how I do it? By holding the hands of others.