Esther Perel

Maybe we first switch a little bit the way we think here, right? And that is very often when we think about sex, we think about an act and an outcome, something that we do. And instead of thinking of it like that, I would probably want to switch you to think more about an experience. Not what do you do in sex, but where do you go in sex? What parts of yourselves do you connect with?

What do you want to experience there? What do you want to express there? And then you will notice that for some people, desire is autonomous. As you say, I come, I'm ready, spontaneous erection, autonomous, I don't need any prep, I'm go. You know, the majority of other people are responsive, what we call responsive desire, meaning they don't come ready. They are maybe sometimes open or willing.

What do you want to experience there? What do you want to express there? And then you will notice that for some people, desire is autonomous. As you say, I come, I'm ready, spontaneous erection, autonomous, I don't need any prep, I'm go. You know, the majority of other people are responsive, what we call responsive desire, meaning they don't come ready. They are maybe sometimes open or willing.

What do you want to experience there? What do you want to express there? And then you will notice that for some people, desire is autonomous. As you say, I come, I'm ready, spontaneous erection, autonomous, I don't need any prep, I'm go. You know, the majority of other people are responsive, what we call responsive desire, meaning they don't come ready. They are maybe sometimes open or willing.

That willingness, you know, I'm not always hungry. I see you're eating. I'm sitting next to you. It looks like it's quite good. I taste. I'm open. I'm curious. I want to see where this takes me. Slowly, I find myself, I take out a plate. I'm actually eating a whole meal. I wasn't really hungry to begin with, and I could have done without, but I'm happy I did it.

That willingness, you know, I'm not always hungry. I see you're eating. I'm sitting next to you. It looks like it's quite good. I taste. I'm open. I'm curious. I want to see where this takes me. Slowly, I find myself, I take out a plate. I'm actually eating a whole meal. I wasn't really hungry to begin with, and I could have done without, but I'm happy I did it.

That willingness, you know, I'm not always hungry. I see you're eating. I'm sitting next to you. It looks like it's quite good. I taste. I'm open. I'm curious. I want to see where this takes me. Slowly, I find myself, I take out a plate. I'm actually eating a whole meal. I wasn't really hungry to begin with, and I could have done without, but I'm happy I did it.

You know, that switch for you, instead of thinking, how do I get her to also be able to compartmentalize and be ready? I'm sorry to say it may not work. And she's going to get frustrated. Rather than your understanding that foreplay starts at the end of the previous orgasm. It's not a five minute before the real thing. Say that again? Foreplay starts? At the end of the previous orgasm.

You know, that switch for you, instead of thinking, how do I get her to also be able to compartmentalize and be ready? I'm sorry to say it may not work. And she's going to get frustrated. Rather than your understanding that foreplay starts at the end of the previous orgasm. It's not a five minute before the real thing. Say that again? Foreplay starts? At the end of the previous orgasm.

You know, that switch for you, instead of thinking, how do I get her to also be able to compartmentalize and be ready? I'm sorry to say it may not work. And she's going to get frustrated. Rather than your understanding that foreplay starts at the end of the previous orgasm. It's not a five minute before the real thing. Say that again? Foreplay starts? At the end of the previous orgasm.

Not just, you know, five minutes before you get going. Absolutely. So instead of thinking you are the norm and she's the problem, how do I get her to change? You understand that for a lot of people, it's willingness that gets us going. And that is a wonderful thing. I'm open. I'm willing to see. And then here's the piece.

Not just, you know, five minutes before you get going. Absolutely. So instead of thinking you are the norm and she's the problem, how do I get her to change? You understand that for a lot of people, it's willingness that gets us going. And that is a wonderful thing. I'm open. I'm willing to see. And then here's the piece.

Not just, you know, five minutes before you get going. Absolutely. So instead of thinking you are the norm and she's the problem, how do I get her to change? You understand that for a lot of people, it's willingness that gets us going. And that is a wonderful thing. I'm open. I'm willing to see. And then here's the piece.

A lot of relationships, male-female relationships, you're going to tell me probably nothing turns me on more than to see her turned on. Yeah? Yeah. Love it. Now, it is most likely that she will say, whatever happens to him is kind of irrelevant to me. Because what gets me going is what happens to her, not what happens to you.

A lot of relationships, male-female relationships, you're going to tell me probably nothing turns me on more than to see her turned on. Yeah? Yeah. Love it. Now, it is most likely that she will say, whatever happens to him is kind of irrelevant to me. Because what gets me going is what happens to her, not what happens to you.

A lot of relationships, male-female relationships, you're going to tell me probably nothing turns me on more than to see her turned on. Yeah? Yeah. Love it. Now, it is most likely that she will say, whatever happens to him is kind of irrelevant to me. Because what gets me going is what happens to her, not what happens to you.

And that means that she needs to be able to enter into her own erotic self. And that means that she needs to be able to let go of the role of mother and caretaking, responsible, making sure that everybody's fine, worrying about the well-being of others.

And that means that she needs to be able to enter into her own erotic self. And that means that she needs to be able to let go of the role of mother and caretaking, responsible, making sure that everybody's fine, worrying about the well-being of others.

And that means that she needs to be able to enter into her own erotic self. And that means that she needs to be able to let go of the role of mother and caretaking, responsible, making sure that everybody's fine, worrying about the well-being of others.

That is the essential liberation that any woman needs to feel, especially when I hear what Christina just said about that biological instant response that she has to the kids. It's how do I allow that to recede and I trust that everybody's fine so that I can finally enter into myself and give myself the permission to think about me and experience my own pleasure.