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164 appearances 7 recordings 4 series first heard Nov 2024 last heard May 2025

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The Home Service Expert Podcast · Mastering the Art of Negotiation with Chris Voss · 13 Dec 2024 podcast

You got to win. And then, but winning limits you if you're limited to your competition, how well they could do. But every now and then you got to get beat. Like people talk about the Roger Bannister effect. You know, the first guy to run a four minute mile.

And then how many people ran it right after he did? And most of the philosophy is says somebody showed him it was possible. Yeah. My opinion is most are not, if not all of those guys thought they were better than Bannister. And when Bannister broke the record, it was a slap in the face. They got beat.

and they realized that they hadn't leveled up their own personal game because they were being limited by their competition.

Belief system, could be both. Could be both, but you see it, somebody does something nobody else ever did, and the next thing you know, four, 10, 12 people do it in a very short order. And so why do I see it as a slap in the face? Personal, personal experience. I'm in Jamaica a number of years ago. Tell these guys I want to go cliff diving. I'm doing training for the FBI.

So cops go, yeah, we got a place you can go cliff diving. Take me to Rick's Cafe. Like one of the most beautiful sunsets on planet earth. And they got a bar there. They got a band. And every day is the celebration builds to the sunsets. Fantastic. And they got this cliff diving platform. And, you know, I'm shooting my mouth off. I hadn't stepped up to a cliff before.

And, you know, I get up top of that thing. It's a long way down. So the first time I jump, you know, I want to dive, but I'm going to jump just to experiment with it. And first time you go through this, like you, it seems like you step out into space and then suddenly you're the coyote hurtling for the ground at a hypersonic speeds. Yeah.

And I can't quite bring myself to dive till I see this other dude come up. not as good a shape as me, not taking care of himself, dives, falls over backward, cracks his back on a water and emerges intact. And I looked at myself and I said, if that guy can dive, I can dive. And I needed a slap in the face.

And the next thing I did was, you know, I dove off the top of the thing because somebody beat me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I think what you're doing there too is I'm convinced that everybody's got like two lines of code in their head. I don't know what it is. Somebody said something to you when you were little, probably before the age five or six, somewhere. They either made you believe in yourself or said, hey, you know, you're not going to do that much, you know, all this nonsense.

They put something in there. So then the challenge as an adult is how do I change that two lines of code? Get them to believe in themselves. What's their belief system? As you said, the belief system, which then might be reinforced by who they're hanging out with.

And then if you start discarding the people that are dragging you down, if you believe in loyalty, then you feel like you're betraying one of your own beliefs, one of your core values. I believe in loyalty. I believe in my friends. And the people that you're talking about in whatever market, they got naysayers in their lives that have been there forever.

And if they walk away, if they stop talking to them, they question, am I disloyal? So yeah, how do you replace that two line of code and get people to level up and then surround themselves with winners? Yes. And it takes a while to get there. And my early days in LA, about 2015 or so, I bring this really successful guy into the class I'm teaching at USC.

guest speaker, and he says, here's my one piece of advice to all you. He says, fire your flaky friends. And I remember thinking like, that's harsh. Your friends. Fire your friends. And the more you think about it, the more it's true. It's hard. But if you got people around you, and almost everybody does, until you've really made it a point

to cultivate your life so that there are positive people around you who believe in themselves and believe in your ability to work miracles. And then suddenly, yeah, everybody's working miracles.

Yeah, well, some of what you're saying, yeah, negativity can be used to inspire you. You know, negativity, anger, there's energy in anger. And at some point in time, if it moves you forward, then, but it's got to turn into joy, self-love, so to speak, some version of joy. And yeah, there are people who, when you were little, like, I don't know if my mom told me. It was probably your mom.

Somewhere along the line, my mom made me believe that anything was possible. And I know other moms are probably saying like, don't let yourself be disappointed. The world's going to disappoint you. You know, it's this kind of world. It's that kind of world where you don't fit in. And yeah, did you hear that? And is it holding you back or did it inspire you?

Did it want you to prove the other person wrong? At what point in time? Did you reconcile it? That's a question. I would love to see everybody understand and grapple because I believe it's a highly positive world. It's not perfect.

There are bad stuff's going to happen, but by and large, just rolling a dice, the world's going to take it easy on you and give you an opportunity to succeed and just playing the numbers. And if it's fair, you didn't kick your ass.

Or, we have an outsized memory for the negative. And then that holds us back.

Shout out to our mutual friend, Joe Polish. Because at one of the sessions that I was at at Genius Network a while back, What I'm asking now is I'm going to ask you to name three people you admire and each person, you got to give me three reasons why you admire them.

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