Gabby Windey

These are the directions.

Heat that puppy up to make sure your fascia is as relaxed as your uterus in a prolapse to ensure the effectiveness of a blurst.

Well, where's my mesh?

because you don't want to know what's happening to me.

Well, my ovaries are bloating and screaming for attention every two weeks, so you bet your ass I have a heating pad within reach at all times.

It's in my second bedside drawer and currently on my lap serving the blast balls of my fascia that have doomed me.

Well, it was, but now I have the tights and I'm literally sweating.

But after some research, you know, and I have not been diagnosed with what I'm about to say for fear of embarrassment and a medical bill in which I do not have health insurance for, so I don't want to waste any more money.

I believe after the fascia blaster, a rupture of my fascia has, which has supposedly benignly been blasted.

First time, fine.

So the first time, first time, I was fine.

I blasted off each leg after a warm shower, maybe like a 10 to 7, you know, a pits, tits, and ass shower.

And the next day, it was my birthday celebration.

So to the chateau we go, you know, for a skinny margarita and a table full of tittles and tails about the guest of honor.

Me again.

So for my birthday, I will blast off, making me tight as a tiger for my vintage tailored, perfectly see-through, right at the nipple dress.

Birthday dress.

Gorgeous.

And I put the heating pad on before I start to get ready, which the directions say, mind you.

I was just following directions.