Gemma Spake

It is all very visible, isn't it?

And it's all very dependent on external validation.

It's all very hyper-competitive.

The appeal of external validation and meeting those external expectations for what success or

looks like is very understandable at this time in our lives, at this stage, in our 20s.

In our 20s, there are so many unknowns in front of us.

There is so much that we don't understand.

It is only natural that we fixate on this very narrow vision of what extraordinary is that we know guarantees us approval because that makes us feel steady.

Striving to be exceptional can provide

a kind of emotional security, but also a social security that we don't often, we don't really get from anything else.

Like this is the blueprint.

If we follow it, well, all these people who have found the success seem happy.

So we

must be happy as well.

We will be happy if we find that validation also.

The social validation in particular that comes with visible success from your friends and family praising you right up to viral internet fame

is very seductive, but it also limits our version of what a successful life looks like to only something that can be seen and praised.

You never see people bragging about the quality of their time off, the devotion to their hobbies.

You never see people bragging about how deeply they've gotten to know themselves or how much rest they get.

There's no prize for being the best kind of friend or for surviving hard emotional things.