Gemma Spake

periodically you need to delete the dating apps.

Especially the moment they start to feel like a chore.

Or you feel like it's been weeks since you wanted to go on a date with anyone.

That is a great sign.

You are at the tail end of a burnout.

I think there is and I know there is a pressure to be like dating at 100% if you say you're dating and showing up day after day on the apps out of fear that you're going to miss the love of your life and never have an opportunity to match with them again.

Do you know how many times I match with the same people multiple times like because I deleted and came back?

You don't have to become permanently disenfranchised with dating because you keep thinking you need to push through the burnout that the apps bring.

You want to be able to have a healthy relationship with this.

I think deleting when you feel like you and the apps aren't clicking, taking two to three months off reduces the pessimism that you can have around all dating.

But additionally, I think it will also reduce the chances of you settling for less just so that you can stop dating, just so that you can feel less frustrated.

And it also stops you from getting too emotionally invested in people who don't respond or who don't get back to you because the sense of urgency is less intense.

I will say, when I met my partner Tom on Hinge, I had done a six-month dating app detox.

and i'm not saying this is going to happen to you but i re-downloaded the app and he was the first person i matched with and that's the thing when you are feeling more high energy you can come back and actually start having fun with it again like i felt like there was nothing left for me and then it was like oh this great person had rejoined whilst i was gone then you can really organize loads of dates you get to talk to people you're actually interested in

You just get to like enjoy it.

One of my favorite creators called Rach, I think her name's like Rach Rat or something.

It's, I think it's Rach Rat, but she posts her dating diaries on TikTok.

And something she says is that the early stages of dating is only meant to be two things, sexy and fun.

Sexy and fun.

And if they're not, what is the point?