Gemma Spake

People get very callous and they swipe when they're bored, when they're lonely.

When, you know, they have nothing to do.

I can admit I even did that.

Everyone does it.

Dating apps make you a kind of a mean person and a careless person.

Don't take a match as a promise.

It's not a sign of intention.

A message is a sign of intention.

A match is nothing.

It's just a quick signal that they find you attractive.

They like your vibe.

But the sheer volume of people on the apps that we're exposed to means that, again, our brains aren't actually equipped to deal with all that information.

And that is why when people don't always follow through, it's not reflective of anything about you.

It's reflective of the design of the app, of how they are made to make money, like we've spoken about.

One of my friends actually has this beautiful way of seeing it.

Every time a couple finds each other on an app, there are 5, 10, maybe 15 people they were talking to whose story ends there.

who was left disappointed but those stories have to end for that other story to work out and when you finally find somebody that it works out with there will be stories that prematurely end for others as well in order for yours to begin it's all an exchange you're paying your dues you're ticking off your numbers you're paying your tax however you want to see it to remain neutral the neutrality is important

I know that all sounds a little bit brutal, but stoicism, acceptance of that nature is freedom in anything, really.

That brings me to our last tip, tip number seven.

If you want to survive the dating apps.