Gemma Spake

If the emotional anchor feels exhausted and doesn't feel supported themselves, they're going to stop wanting to be somebody that the other people can come to.

The hardest part and the thing I think damages friendship trios the most...

is that dynamic when a minor frustration emerges and it starts to impact how every single member starts to see each other, specifically when two people start to hang out without a third.

Like the story we heard at the beginning,

this is like the thing that I think destroys most friendship trios that's where the feeling of being the third wheel starts to creep in and this is like make or break this is when I think we see them collapse I'm going to explain exactly why stick around to hear about it we'll be right back after this short break

Third wheel, the term third wheel, it's honestly such a brutal phrase, but it captures a feeling I think most people recognize.

It is this sense of being there, but not actually feeling wanted, not feeling needed in a situation.

Like the third wheel of a bike, like we all know the bike can function just with two.

The third wheel knows the bike doesn't need it.

What we're really describing, though, is social ostracism, that feeling of being ignored, excluded or kind of sidelined out of a social group.

There has been actual research on what this does to us.

psychologically, mainly by one American researcher called Kipling Williams.

He and his colleagues basically created this experimental condition called cyberball.

It's become very well known.

This is what cyberball is.

It's an experiment or experimental condition where participants are put into a group and they're told to throw the ball back and forth with two or three other people.

either online or in person.

They could be in a room, they could also be doing it as like a video game.

At first, they toss it to you and you toss it back to them and everybody's getting a bit of the ball.

Then in this experimental condition, without explanation, all the other players just stop throwing to you.