Gemma Spake

Do we just like not have social technology yet to have friendship trios?

personally I actually don't think so I know I've been quite pessimistic I don't think so I want to be optimistic here myself here like I'm in a really healthy fun fulfilling friendship trail I have been for like almost four years so I want to believe that it's possible but I think some of the reasons I do think it works is

come down to how that friendship operates and what I've kind of learned from also some of the mistakes we've made and the ways that we've kind of made the trio as healthy as possible.

And I want to kind of share what those are with you guys who are in a friendship trio and wanting to make sure that like you've still got your friends in five years so that you guys don't have some like awful, heinous friendship breakup.

So my first tip or way that I think friendship trios work is when you are able to acknowledge that sometimes you are just going to be jealous and sometimes what's worse is that jealousy is maybe going to be justified.

A healthy trio is not one where nobody ever feels left out.

You know, hopefully you feel that way 95% of the time.

But there are going to be times where it's just unavoidable.

Even if it is not true, somebody might just perceive that they are being left out or that they weren't invited or that there was some hidden conversation happening, even if it's not true.

And a healthy trio is one where those feelings are survivable because you, A, feel a deep sense of trust in the other people that they're not doing that to you.

and b because you maintain direct communication rather than simply relying on the mediator to manage communication or

rather than just not saying anything at all and expecting it to be okay and for somebody to read your mind.

You know what I think is a huge sign of true emotional maturity and frontal lobe development?

Especially in our 20s.

It is not being afraid of conflict because you know that avoiding it hurts everybody more from a practical level.

Maybe you've even learned that lesson the hard way a few times.

One of the easiest traps that trios slide into is that they have side conversations rather than shared ones.

It definitely feels safer in the moment to be like, oh my God, this person is really annoying me.

She really pissed me off when she did that.

But over time, little alliances do start to form.