Gemma Speck

and to get support.

But obsessing over your insecurities collectively without any resolution, almost as a form of social bonding, is not normal.

And friends who think putting you down, especially physically, is fun or banter, I don't know who hurt you.

That's not something that friends are meant to do.

I had this particular friend who was so incredibly

insecure that she would almost include me in her insecurity and in her self-deprecating comments she made about herself if she saw like a really beautiful girl if we were out together she would be like oh my god me and you could never look like that or like wow we could never pull that off or we'd go shopping and she'd be like well people like us can't wear that people like us can't shop at those stores

And it would make me feel like absolutely horrendous about myself.

So much so that even after I'd mentioned it a few times, she didn't stop.

And I just had to stop going out with her in those particular ways and in those environments.

Like

I didn't want to normalize that way of thinking about myself.

I loved her.

I still do love her deeply.

But that kind of attitude was not one that I needed any more of.

I don't need to be included in your self-hatred.

Like at that point, I had enough of my own.

There are some people that, you know, for whatever reason will always, I don't think this was her intention, this is separate, but there are some people who will always put you down.

Whether it's insecurity on their behalf or some other part of themselves they're not comfortable with, they will involve you in their own self-hatred because it feels less lonely and it feels more normal.

Sometimes entire relationships seem to be held together by mocking, disguised as honesty.

And not just mocking each other, but others, strangers, mutual friends.