Gemma Speck

In those spaces...

This is why self-hatred feels so normalized, right?

Because self-respect saying, actually, I really like myself and I really think that person looks great and maybe we shouldn't talk like that can sometimes feel arrogant or like you're embarrassing them.

So we stay quiet.

We get used to being nasty to ourselves.

We almost adopt a nastier persona as a way of gaining social approval.

There's also this weird social ritual we see all the time where like somebody insults themselves and then you feel obligated to insult yourself in return as if like self-rejection is how we maintain that closeness.

You just don't have to participate.

You can just not say anything.

Someone else's self-loathing does not require you to join in.

That does a lot of damage, more than I think we can afford in a society that wants us to hate ourselves constantly.

How our friends treat us, how they treat themselves, is really psychologically powerful.

There's an osmosis, there's a transference that happens when we are close to somebody emotionally, where we can feel...

their pain and we can feel their self-hatred and it is reflected onto us.

And again, that's not to say like cut off everybody who isn't as far ahead in their like self-love journey as you are, but just be aware of it.

Keep tabs on whether it's infiltrating you and don't be afraid to just not participate or be just say, I'm sorry, but that's not what I feel.

And I don't talk about myself like that.

And I don't think you deserve to think those things about yourself either.

So maybe this is a good place to start.

Maybe our friendship can be like a self-loathing free zone.