Gemma Speck
speaker
6,373 appearances
17 recordings
1 series
first heard Jan 2026
last heard 13 Jun
Gemma Speck’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
Trend
recordings per month · last 12 monthsRecordings per month over the last 12 months — 17 in all, peaking in Jun 2026 with 4.
Appearances
Love obviously feels good.
But when somebody doesn't reciprocate our interest, this feels addictive.
Here's the thing most people don't tell you about dopamine.
It's not actually the happiness or pleasure chemical.
It's the anticipation thing.
chemical.
There's this wonderful 2010 paper which talks about how dopamine doesn't spike when we get something, it spikes in the pursuit of something.
It drives craving.
It drives our motivation to chase, to pursue, to impulse buy, to want the cookie, to anticipate the reward, to like the person who doesn't like us back.
This means it can be very easily hijacked when we are yearning or longing for something because we're getting these massive dopamine spikes that aren't met with the reward or fulfillment of the desire.
This is quite literally the chemical basis of addiction.
Wanting something, needing something, desiring it deeply to the point where it's all we can think about, not receiving it, crashing, or receiving it and feeling even better but then needing more.
Now, when somebody doesn't like you back, but you occasionally see them around, like they occasionally like your Instagram stories, you have like somewhat of a history where maybe they once showed you affection, now they don't anymore.
What you're essentially experiencing is something called intermittent reinforcement.
You occasionally get interactions, spikes of what you want, what could be, and that sets off your dopamine systems because they already have a low...
a low threshold and it makes you feel really, really good.
There's like these little spikes followed by these big crashes.
But the anticipation of or the expectations of things changing, the anticipation that your next interaction, your next moment could be the moment when things, they fall in love with you, keeps you hooked.
Each small signal of attention, a text, a glance, a moment of connection feels disproportionately rewarding because it's unpredictable.
that inconsistency actually strengthens the attachment.
Showing 741–760 of 6,373 · page 38 of 319
← Previous
Next →