Gemma Speck

I didn't want to normalize that way of thinking about myself.

I loved her.

I still do love her deeply.

But that kind of attitude was not one that I needed any more of.

I don't need to be included in your self-hatred.

Like at that point, I had enough of my own.

There are some people that, you know, for whatever reason will always, I don't think this was her intention, this is separate, but there are some people who will always put you down.

Whether it's insecurity on their behalf or some other part of themselves they're not comfortable with, they will involve you in their own self-hatred because it feels less lonely and it feels more normal.

Sometimes entire relationships seem to be held together by mocking, disguised as honesty.

And not just mocking each other, but others, strangers, mutual friends.

In those spaces...

This is why self-hatred feels so normalized, right?

Because self-respect saying, actually, I really like myself and I really think that person looks great and maybe we shouldn't talk like that can sometimes feel arrogant or like you're embarrassing them.

So we stay quiet.

We get used to being nasty to ourselves.

We almost adopt a nastier persona as a way of gaining social approval.

There's also this weird social ritual we see all the time where like somebody insults themselves and then you feel obligated to insult yourself in return as if like self-rejection is how we maintain that closeness.

You just don't have to participate.

You can just not say anything.

Someone else's self-loathing does not require you to join in.