Gemma Speck

That does a lot of damage, more than I think we can afford in a society that wants us to hate ourselves constantly.

How our friends treat us, how they treat themselves, is really psychologically powerful.

There's an osmosis, there's a transference that happens when we are close to somebody emotionally, where we can feel...

their pain and we can feel their self-hatred and it is reflected onto us.

And again, that's not to say like cut off everybody who isn't as far ahead in their like self-love journey as you are, but just be aware of it.

Keep tabs on whether it's infiltrating you and don't be afraid to just not participate or be just say, I'm sorry, but that's not what I feel.

And I don't talk about myself like that.

And I don't think you deserve to think those things about yourself either.

So maybe this is a good place to start.

Maybe our friendship can be like a self-loathing free zone.

And I know that can be a very awkward conversation because sometimes it can feel like holier than thou or like you're scolding them.

Yeah, maybe it will feel like that.

Maybe that's how they will interpret it as well.

But I think it's worth having boundaries around the language that people use with you as a way to also maintain boundaries around the language that

that you use with yourself, especially considering everything we've spoken about today and how important it is.

The fifth thing I would suggest is also just keep an ongoing list of what you like about yourself and add to it as much as possible every day, if not once a week, to almost aggressively prove to yourself you are worth liking and you are worth feeling proud of.

This list tip uses like this simple attentional trick that what we focus on expands.

Think of it like when a biased researcher looks only at evidence that like confirms their hypothesis.

That is what I want you to do.

When we're in the mindset of self-hatred, like that's what's happening in reverse.