Gemma Speck

This shift is really powerful because it transforms you from just being a passive participant who was hurt, who was kind of a

into an active interpreter of your experience and somebody who also, you have something to gain in the aftermath of this.

You are not just somebody who was a victim, who lost, you left with a deeper connection to yourself and to your needs and your desires.

And some people never get that.

They are never challenged to look past attraction and

It also prevents repetition.

When you extract the lesson, you're far less likely to have to learn the lesson again and to chase the same dynamic because you understand what drew you to that person in the first place.

I found that with the last person I dated before Tom.

I had like three or four of the same exact kind of semi relationships back to back.

And I don't think like I, well, I know I didn't actually sit with what they meant.

Like I did the ritual of closing the chapter.

I grieved, but I never was like, Hey, maybe there's a pattern here.

Like maybe I'm just doing the same things and expecting a different outcome.

Finally doing that with the last guy is why I think I have the relationship I have now because I was able to see these people are literally the same people.

This was the same relationship.

I just did it four times.

I didn't learn the lesson.

I will say my final point on this, don't be unkind to yourself about the situation.

Honestly, I think people who give and give and give love and are open to everybody and see the best in people and genuinely care and love and have their heart on the line are what we need more of.

As much as there are all these rules these days and there's this kind of idea that to be successful in dating you have to be cold and heartless, humans aren't meant to despise love.