Gemma Speck

No one's life is perfect the way that we are imagining it.

I think another useful reframe to stop fearing regret is to also understand when in our lives regret has maybe actually saved us.

We've mostly talked about how regret hurts.

I don't hear people talk about how it can protect you.

You regret missing that travel opportunity with your friends.

You know what that means?

You're not going to miss out again.

You regret how you treated that friend when you were 21, that you ghosted them, that you didn't come through with your promises.

That self-blame and pain is going to make you a better friend in the future.

You regret not spending more time with your grandparents.

As your parents get older, you're not going to make the same mistake.

In that way, regret functions a bit like a bruise on your moral skin.

You bump up against a line you didn't know was there and it hurts.

And afterwards, you remember that you move a little bit more carefully.

Don't keep walking into the same sharp corner in quite the same way.

It's not that you never make mistakes again, obviously you do, but you rarely make the exact same one at the same level because regret has taught you an important lesson.

When you are tempted to see your regrets as proof that you're a disaster or that something has failed, it's worth zooming out.

Some of the qualities you like most about yourself now, the care you take with people, the risk mindset you have,

are probably shaped by very old painful moments where you didn't know.

Regret hurts, it's also been steering you away from becoming a version of yourself you probably wouldn't be able to live with either.