Gordon Flett

Or you can see the way that people get so animated when somebody's taking an interest in them and showing that they really care.

But I've often asked myself, does anything make up for the sense of I had a parent who wasn't really interested in me?

It's a pretty tough thing to overcome, but you can blunt it to some extent and learn to develop other relationships.

And we've seen cases where

People might not have the ideal nuclear family origins that they want, but they've met somebody who's changed their life and who becomes their partner.

So, and this is the thing about mattering is that I always say that it comes wrapped around the sense of hope.

They're strongly related in terms of research and people are very hopeful if they have a sense of mattering.

Just wanted to say one thing about self-efficacy that you were mentioning.

I was just reading last night some of the classic work by

Researcher named the charm on the feelings of young people feeling like they're either a pawn where they're being pushed around a board by other people with little significance or they're actually having a sense of agency.

And they call he contrasted people as pawns versus origins.

And I was reading this and I was thinking.

if you're a child that has a sense of mattering, you are going to fall into that origin category where people have said, we believe you can find the ways to address things.

You can overcome things.

We have a faith in you that you might not even have in yourself.

And I think that this is where a lot of the positive benefits of mattering come from this sense of, you know, I'm an origin.

I make things happen.

And not to the point becomes narcissistic.

That's where, you know, healthy respect for others and asking about others and how they're doing gives that sense of otherness.

And I thought it's too bad that the charm's not around these days to talk about this concept and how they would be connected, but origins and school situations, they did better.