Greg Fitzsimmons

We had our guy.

And instead they started the phrase, the word ginger and took them all down. That was brutal. They were just redheads before that.

You weren't a freak. No. You were just a person with red hair. No one cared. Now they beat you up. There's literally like bullying if you're a redhead. I was a redhead. Were you really? I was a fucking copper top until I was probably about 11. That's so bizarre. Your hair changed color? Yep.

It happened to my kids, too. Both my kids were redheads, and their hair changed when they got older.

He gave me a little dick and then it grew bigger. Oh. Oh, I remember having a little dick.

Oh, that was the worst feeling when you were a little kid and, you know, you just like. Well, you see your dad's dick. Yeah. You're like, what the fuck? I know. What is that thing? What the fuck?

Yeah, and his balls are hanging like six inches down.

Oh my God. Balls are hilarious. Joey's balls are hilarious. It's amazing that a woman, why would they have sex with us?

We have an agenda.

No, I'm just saying it's weird that there is this accepted power dynamic between a man and a woman when they make love. Because, well, like you said, the woman trusts. But we have two guys. It's kind of like I don't know what it's like. Tell me what it's like.

You were about to break. You know I almost did once, right? How close did you get? I've told this story on my podcast, but I'll give a brief version of it. I went, when I was in college, I was an English major and I studied like Allen Ginsberg and Kerouac and all these guys that were into homoerotic stuff. A lot of them were gay.

And then, and even Emerson and Whitman, like all that old stuff was all gay imagery. And then there was David Bowie. I loved David Bowie. I loved Iggy Pop, Mick Jagger. And these guys were all fucking around with each other. Yeah. And so I was like, all right, this must be kind of something you do. You experiment with this.

That's how they get you. They get a couple mascots. They get the coolest guy in rock and roll. Right? The three coolest guys in rock.

Yeah. And so I was not attracted to men. I never have been. I can appreciate a handsome man. I think you're not hard on the eyes. Thank you. And then I was like, all right, so I guess I'm not going to take it up the ass.

And then I realized, like, I'm going to do it. And when I do it, it's either going to be like, ugh, or it's going to be like, oh, my God, this is fucking amazing. This is incredible.

And so I was drunk one night. I was like a junior in college. And my apartment, remember the Fenway in Boston? Yeah, yeah. The Fenway was like a wooded area. Like every city has a small wooded area. where they grow trees for the reason for anonymous gay sex. The brambles in Manhattan, you got Griffith Park in LA, there's always like a little gay area.

So my apartment happened to be, it was on Boylston Street, it was across the street from the Fenway. So I'm stumbling home one night. It's like 3 in the morning, and I look at the woods, and I go, fuck it. I'm going to do it. Wow. So I walk in, and I'm looking around. I'm like, I don't know the protocol. I don't know how it works. I'm just waiting.

And then all of a sudden, it's like fucking leaves are blowing, and there's shadows. And then this guy just pops out from behind a tree like a little gay leprechaun. He's like, I'm the guy. I was like, all right, I guess he's the guy. Wow. And he walks over and we look at each other and then he unzips his pants. He pulls out his cock and I'm just looking at it and then he pulls his balls out.

And I look at the balls and I was like, nope, no interest. I'm fucking out. That's the ugliest thing I've ever seen in my life. And so I got scared because now I'm alone in the woods with a guy with his dick out. And so I just pushed him away from me. Oh, Jesus. And he fell down and then he jumped up and he just sprinted back into the woods with his dick flopping around.

I just stumbled out and I was like, well, I guess I can't do that.