Henry Zabrowski

All I know is what am I going to do? Am I going to take some air taxi and it's going to be some guy named like Treejor and he's going to be like, I'm actually also a DJ and he's going to hand me his fucking headshots. Is it going to be the same? It's going to be the same. Yeah, it's not someone's first job.

This is like, actually, I'm making slime for children. It's my favorite. I make slime. It's here. If you want some slime, I have a bucket. Now, they also say, so nothing's really come out. I do have a letter again. But what about the orbs? What do they say about the orbs? Absolutely nothing, Eddie. Those are, again, stars. You're an idiot. You're stupid.

Eddie, you know what, though? These are the beginnings of a true investigator. That's where it all begins. You never remember to check when you're sober. Why would you? Because when you're sober, you're doing something like, where the fuck are these drones?

Hold on a second. Yeah, because what are you doing with your sitting at home with your beautiful wife watching television with your dog?

Yeah, my life is good in that moment. When my life is empty, I'm like, all right, let's go find the aliens. Truth and love go like this inside of the male mind. Truth and love go back and forth. Truth will eventually destroy love. But for a while, love does help tamper down the effects of truth. But according to this licensed drone operator. Imagine if you didn't have Natalie. You'd be done.

You'd be trying to go to space. I mean, honestly, I don't even think about what it would be like if I was truly untethered in just how much damage I could cause. And how much fun that would be for me. And how good it would be for America. Think about that. Think about that. She doesn't listen, right? The key really is to go through a divorce.

Which is what we'll talk about a couple of big divorce energy guys in today's episode that we're going to talk about.

That's when I can really start focusing on my plants. But according to this licensed drone operator, I'm a licensed drone operator in eastern South Dakota with two separate drone sightings. I regularly operate a DJI Agrus T50. That means nothing to me. It's a thing. It's a drone. Which is one of the largest commercial drones available to the public.

And that's how you start 2025 the proper way. I'm your host, Henry Zabrowski. I'm sitting here with your other host, Ed Larson. Oh, my bully. And he's just been sick.

After looking at a ton of New Jersey drone footage, I can say that there's no way that they are legally flying commercial drones. If they are drones and they are significantly more advanced than anything we've seen, battery life on large drones is extremely limited.

And even if the drone is just hovering with minimum wind, you got maybe 15 to 20 minutes before it automatically tries to land due to low battery. Add windy conditions and you're looking at 10 minutes of flight time. Additionally, in my experience, the battery used in these drones are very sensitive to temperature, and you see a significant drop in battery efficiency in colder weather.

That's fascinating. That I did not know. Look at this thing. Yeah, that's a big old drone this guy flies. I also don't see how these flights can be legal. The FAA has very strict rules about operating large drones over populated areas.

Drones are also legally required to transmit a radio frequency ID at all times while airborne air traffic control and pilots of manned aircraft can be aware of them. The New Jersey drones apparently do not transmit an RFID and their operators are not communicating with air traffic control or pilots of local aircraft. Now, this guy, he said he had two sightings.

First sighting was over the Volga, South Dakota on December 11, 2024. Volga, South Dakota? Volga. Oh, Volga. Volga. Which is a woman named Grnka's Vulvas. What you called her, her Vulgas. Now I saw what looked like an airplane with red and green running lights and a bright white light that looked kind of like a spotlight.

I thought it was a plane flying low over town for some reason until I noticed the object was hovering in place. I also saw it turn off its white spotlight and it had no flashing anti-collision lights which were required on all aircraft. The object turned and hauled us out of town before I could get a video.

Second sighting on December 15, 2024, at about 8.10 p.m., three of us saw four to six yellow-orange lights flying in a circular pattern in the sky west of Arlington, South Dakota. They would come in and out of view, almost like fireflies in the dark, but definitely flying in a circular pattern.

Their movement was almost floaty, and they turned too tightly and flew too closely to be standard aircraft. They also didn't have anti-collision lights, which are standard and required. an all-man, an unmanned aircraft. We watched for about 10 minutes until we got cold, and then we went inside. Okay. So that's one of those. I'm going to leave it for now. We'll see what happens.

This is going to develop.

Oceans, right?

No, I don't know. No. They get deployed. They get deployed, but they're up in the air. Those are military grade. Those are military grade, and it's different, because they are unmanned. It's just different. But weren't we worried that some of these were military grade drones? Well, they weren't killing us, and they weren't bombing us, so we don't know what they were doing.

And a lot of our, we also made things that I believe we make drones. They look like this. You see these things? They look like planes. Yeah. No, that's what I'm, that's what I'm talking about. Yes. What these, this is very different. These fly very, very, very high up. And what they do is they identify where to go. And then there's the strafing drones that come in and shoot the missiles.

See, but the thing is, if you wanted the drones to be secret, why would you put lights on them?

Why would you have lights? Because the other drones got to see you fly around. It's going to be a mystery that we are not going to solve. They're not going to let us solve. Is this going to be the Phoenix lights all over again? Yes.

has been explained eddie as we saw my stream on our stream and all this nothing's happening nothing's going on we're stupid everything that people see is stars or planes and you got big fat dumb drunk eyeballs and you have little feet and a dumb i have big feet thank you very much i'm size 13 shoe if anybody wanted to buy me shoes send him shoes send me shoes i'm walking around like a

fred flintstone yes yes he really is it's very strange and here you can hear his his his soul scrape on the tile so that's one update we'll just leave it but let's leave it behind for now and then this next update is this is one more shade to this mystery that does not make sense we live for stories about shit in the road It's not just because, you know, it's stuff attached to shit in the road.

And then we're at Dad's Garage on Sunday, but sold out. Can't see it. Sold out. So you got to come to the last podcast. But I will say, if you're coming to the Dad's Garage show, bring suggestions.

And also kind of funny, I think, in a way, how in small-town America, the road is almost a way to communicate.

It seems to be between the fucking piles of stuff. All that kind of stuff. It just seems to be people choose roads. Yeah, maybe this guy in Kansas just needed to make friends. Well, it sounded like he did want to make some friends, but... We don't know what he wanted to do with those friends.

Now, this is an update to our story out of Bennington, Nebraska, where they say at least, according to the last report, four accidents occurred, I believe it's on Highway 36 at night, where an object was left in the middle of the road. One person said they said a flat screen TV, where there was a bike in the middle of the road.

It's almost like he purposely did it so that he didn't crash into it. But he wants them to swerve, right? Don't know. What happens is, is that this happened now several times in this small little town where the car swerves. I wish there was more, like the TV was set up and there was like road on the TV.

And so people swerve to avoid the objects in the road. The next thing you know, they hear a voice that is asking if they need help. And now this happened four times and several other people, two of them happened to be connected. They noticed that it was the same exact man that seemed to have been parked next to the highway waiting for them to crash. We don't know what they did. Everybody refused.

They all said he was weird looking. He was kind of a normal white guy or whatever, right? Long legs. So it was long legs. It was long legs. So that was one thing. That became a mystery. That was like, all right. It stopped. Then, right before Christmas, a person, we don't know, we're pretty certain it's the person who did this. We don't know, right?

So one of the victims was by the name of Garrison Beach. All of a sudden, first alert six, the local news in Bennington, they receive this call as they are talking about this story.

But I will say it's nice to be back in the studio. It's the year 2025. The jingle bells are receding. The Jews have thrown their menorahs in the rivers. And the Muslims have gone back to do whatever they do during the December year. Ramadan if you do. Ramadan if you don't. Last I heard. But now it's time to get in some updates because we're here. The news has not stopped. You lost a friend.

so that voice is not garrison beach it almost sounded like i know it was a person but it almost sounded like it was like ai i think he just might be a fucking weirdo eddie and so garrison beach had to go and talk to first alert six and say that's not me and because they got they said it wasn't the one call they received several calls of and from that voice of that that voice saying

It was Garrison Beach. Seeing it's Garrison Beach. I want you to take this article down. They contacted Garrison Beach. Garrison Beach. He says, no, I did not contact you. They went and they played him the voicemail of the person impersonating him. And Garrison Beach says, like, I don't know. Honestly, I don't know what to say. There's not. But sounds just like the guy.

So this guy is trying to get the stories taken off the news about this. So it's either. Did they trace the call? No, they can't do that. They don't do that. It was on a voicemail. It was on a voicemail. And so it's finding it interesting. It's one of the first times. But you know what number called you. I don't know.

Honestly, I bet you that's the type of information that they probably have to, if they are talking to police, that that's what they would give to them. Yeah. Because we don't know. I haven't heard anything. I just heard voicemail, right?

And so, but it's...

i find interesting is that on this news report they're talking a little bit more in sort of like oh well maybe this guy just really wanted to help people like he really wanted to help people which i think is a tactic from the news to get this guy to show himself because i don't think that he i don't think that he's trying to help people if he's trying to get the news story off the internet

I think that the man is doing something fucking weird. God knows what it is. We'll find out. Who knows? He could be... Maybe I'm wrong and he'll turn out to be the most benevolent man ever who only wants to be... He just wanted to work for roadside assistance and he never got a chance to because he wouldn't get his mechanics degree. Yeah. Woo! Yeah, who knows? So that's that story. That's it.

That's all we got.

We'll find some updates on it. So, but now, current news. Eddie, we have got some stories today. So we have Christmas. We have a Christmas section.

Which is also... Four family annihilators. Four? Four. Over the Christmas break. There were four of them. One of them, too. The last one was, I believe, Jacob Mayhew. Do you think this always happens?

And then just sometimes it gets swept under the rug? I think that Christmas, the holiday season is an extremely stressful time. And I think that we see a lot of uptick in suicides and in stuff like this. Family annihilations is one of those things that seem to, again, we talked about it right before the show, they come in waves. Yeah.

It's almost like guys see it in the news and then subconsciously don't understand that they are agreeing with the fathers that are killing their families and they get inspired to kill their families. Yes. Which is, I say, honestly, take them to Disney. and leave them. Well, that's very expensive. Or drive them someplace and leave them. Yeah, Knott's Berry Farm. Always leave!

I liked it there. But before we do Christmas crimes, there was a more, obviously, more important crime that happened that we kind of want to talk about. The similarities and the differences between what happened in New Orleans on New Year's Eve and what happened in what happened in Vegas on New Year's Eve. Now, we know that two separate

I would say close to domestic terrorist events happen that were extremely similar. One was in New Orleans where a car drove through. It was an electric truck. Drove through. Much more extreme than the other one. Yes. Really, really fucked up. He drove through a crowd on Bourbon Street. He killed 14 people. 35 people have been hurt so far. 15 people. But, you know, I mean, what do we do?

It's not good. Yeah, either way, it's not good. About 15 people are dead. Samsuddin Jabbar was the name of the man who did it. We know that he was inspired by ISIS. He's a former military vet. Yeah. Again, rented an EV truck, did it all with an EV truck, and then he got into a shootout with the police, and he died in the shootout. He was waving an ISIS flag. He was.

The main thing is, and we had talked about this right before the show, like... How do you get one? Yeah, where do you get an ISIS flag? Rob, could you look that up? Can you Google? Because we were Googling before. We were trying to find out. We're asking into a microphone, just out of pure curiosity. How to buy an ISIS flag.

Last podcast on the left is just curious, not going to purchase, just want to know if it exists. Etsy. Etsy, interesting.

Wow, you went to Etsy. Yes, for ISIS flags. Wow, you can buy an ISIS? I don't know. I don't think...

Do you think they all get made or they all get made in Taiwan or something? Right, they're not doing this, I feel like there's a... When are we inviting ISIS to the Olympics? Yeah, it's so, I mean, they want to be in it. Yeah. This is what happens when you search and Google to try to shop for it. It just goes full black. Wow, it just won't even let us look at it. We're just trying to look at it.

Well, it doesn't even show you the image of an ISIS flag. Well, it's because you're on Google Shopping.

Can we have any taps? Do you have Sarah McLachlan's In the Arms of the Angel? Yeah. Now, I like to follow on Instagram, obviously, as many do. I like to follow. I don't like smart dogs. I don't like skilled dogs. I like an old, shivering dog. Oh, the dog. And it's my favorite follow on Instagram. I like ones that are they have little legs, malformed faces.

Oh, he's got a fuck ISIS and you have an LGBTQ.

I was like, holy fucking shit. So do you have to pay your dues to ISIS and then you get a flag and like a certificate and a polo and a lanyard? I'm sure they love sending them.

I could imagine ISIS put in a big order because you got to order 144.

These things are just sitting everywhere. We got to get these boxes out of here.

Yeah, we got to get these boxes out of here. Where am I going to put my pinball machine collection?

See if we can... Hi, my name is Tim ISIS. And one thing I got to say is these flags are choking me. All right? Just take them. Just use them. All right? Honestly, just use them as a tampon cloth. It doesn't matter, man. No, they are... So that was a bad one, right? So we still don't know where to get an ISIS flag? No. Sidestories, L-P-O-T-L, gmail.com.

We're going to have to do it the old-fashioned way.

Eddie, please, for the love of Christ, let's not do this.

This is not our show. None of us have any idea. I don't know. Rob doesn't know. I've stayed out of it. Yeah, I mostly am just... Hopes and prayers. Thoughts? Thoughts and prayers. Vibes? To who? To the Middle East. To the Middle East, all of it? My goal is to the Middle East. May they each find their way towards peace.

Also, lastpodcastonleft.com, we will be doing our first live show in Jerusalem. It will be on Easter Sunday. And just please come and join us over there. It is going to be a barn burner. So that was like, that's obviously truly fucked up. And the other one is this Cybertruck guy. Now we know this fucking charmer, a man by the name of Matthew Livelsberger. He's very similar to the other guy.

Welcome to 2025. You look good.

Minus the ISIS. Not only. It was extremely similar. They're both military. They're both vets. One thing, though, is that with the NOLA bomber, with the NOLA driver, the truck attack, he was in the U.S. Army. And we know that he was radicalized from the way in. Something like that. But when it comes to Matthew Livelsberger... Same shit, but a wholly different scenario.

He also rented an electric truck. Tesla. He rented the Cybertruck, right? He then also army that, but he was Green Beret. Yes. Main difference between Matthew Livelsberger and this other guy was the fact that he had a massive brain injury. It changed his entire personality that everybody says. They all said that he was a different guy after he had- And he got divorced. Both of them-

This is what I'm saying. Divorced men's energy. We are all going to have to protect ourselves from in 2025.

I like when they have names like Pips or Mr. Crunkles. That's like some of my favorite stuff. But what no one tells you, I think one of the worst phenomena that no one explains about social media is when a pack, literally several of the little tiny dogs that you follow. die.

I have a feeling. I am working.

I'm doing everything. I think we're in the clear. We're fine. And so I... But we are doing our best. We're going to do our best as men. But these guys... This is the problem...

with giving a man his freedom in this way yeah is that it really sets him out there so matthew livelsberger he was he got divorced and one of the weirder things was he was just upset because he won the brian thompson look-alike contest god that is a bad contest to fucking win dude did you know that actually if you win that the prize you get is a target on a shirt Can we keep it, Rob?

Now he knows. So one of the things I found that was curious about Matthew Livelsberger is that not only... So he was divorced. You know, he's let loose. He decides to rent this Cybertruck from Turo, which is, again, great. I love that all the... Turo, he also... I never heard of this fucking company before. Same thing with the NOLA truck attack guy. He also rented his truck from Turo.

And everyone's like... I was like, this is the worst ad campaign I've ever heard for a car rental.

And so Matthew Livelsberger, he rented the Cybertruck. Now, you have all of these reporters. So he drove it. I believe he drove it from Colorado to Las Vegas. Had to charge it fucking twice. Yes. Exactly.

Exactly. Main fucking problems with the Cybertruck. He drives to Vegas in order to, we now know, he detonated his Cybertruck after he put a gun in his mouth and blew his brains out. He blew up the Cybertruck in front of Trump Tower. Now you have every shithead Monday morning quarterback reporter starts ripping through this story, going and being like, you could see the symbolism.

Screaming of symbolism.

See, this is a problem. Soldier fucking... But then when you look into Matthew Lovelsberger, huge Trumper, huge fan of Elon Musk, and what you find out is that these people, let's just say, Eddie, they might be kind of ignorant about everything in a way that they did not know that he went to go do this because he thought Trump was cool and that Elon Musk was cool and that everyone would like this.

I think. Yeah, he got the Cybertruck because he really wanted to drive it. Well, this is actually true is that he drove out there and he was texting his ex like fuck buddy. Like somebody he dated before he met his wife.

Shit.

He says that he came back out, right? Yeah. But what he was doing, so Matthew Livelsberger, he was texting his ex-girlfriend as he was driving. All he was texting was how cool the Cybertruck was. And the Cybertruck's awesome. Video of him showing her how fast the Cybertruck could go. Yeah. And the whole time, she's sending texts back like, wow.

And then I was, so I was watching throughout all of, obviously, the Christmas season. I'm filled with anger as normal. And I'm going through and I'm looking at my favorite little guy, Lil' Hobbs. Love Lil' Hobbs. Love Lil' Hobbs. I was looking through all his Christmas content. Again, they're crushing it. Rolling it out three times a week. I can depend upon it. Looking at it, right?

Just know, if you ever get texts like that, that person's probably about to kill themselves. Anybody who says, I feel like Batman is in a bit of a mania because that's what he texted her. He texted her, I feel like Batman. But you know what the main difference between him and Batman is? Several billion dollars. And you're not Batman.

You're a stupid fuck that has just rented a cyber truck like an idiot. And his parents are still alive. I'm more like Batman than he is. Let's just rob. One, two, three. More like Fat Man. Oh, come on! Come on, come on.

Now, Matthew Silversberger, this is the problem is that anytime you think a, especially in these day and ages, I think that people think that something's like really like way more complicated than it is. We want these guys to have more depth than they do.

So he came out, Matthew Silversberger, he wrote, he had suicide notes that he was criticizing the government and all whatever, just kind of, to be honest, hack.

shit yeah then you have uh he you know he was made a whole big deal about but he was mostly concerned the reason why like everyone was like oh man this means something he went to trump tower it's like no he just wanted it to be on the news yeah i believe he just wanted to be on the news he knew he did it in front of trump tower in vegas he would absolutely get on the news and he got the cyber truck because he wanted to test the cyber truck and you could tell from all of the content he made from within it

as he was driving. Also, his ex-girlfriend was all like... Also, you're on your way to commit suicide, and you're still like, I need to put this content out. Well, he wasn't putting it online. He was just sending it to his ex-girlfriend. And so when he was driving across the country, he just was... Well, they say this a lot with people that have decided to commit suicide.

Their attitudes will perk up.

Because they've now made a decision about what to do. So it seemed that he decided to do a... I'm going to let my hair hang down. I'm going to drive a Cybertruck to Vegas and then not party in Vegas. First of all, you didn't party at first. At least the Al-Qaeda pilots went out and fucking went to a strip club, helped the economy a little bit. You know what I mean?

You mean to tell me you're not going to go out there and do something? You didn't do anything? Nothing. I don't think so. It's mostly just, just know this, ladies. Same thing. We talked about the micropenis. Same thing with the Cybertruck. All you got to say... Oh, cool. That's it. That's all they want to hear. All the guy with you, all guy with a cyber truck just wants to hear.

Yeah, you've been sick.

It's like, if you go up to me like, wow, this is a really cool car. You've saved one family from being annihilated. You saved one public space from being detonated with a handmade fertilizer bomb. If you just, just, we got, this is 2025.

You know, I, I will say some of Matthew Livelsberger did make the truck look pretty fun. Of course it's fun. It was so fun. I'm so anti-Cybertruck.

All of a sudden, which I think is hilarious, January 2nd arrives. Yeah. Here comes the post. We regret to inform you and the entire Lil' Hobbs family that Lil' Hobbs died before Christmas. So my thing is that I've been watching Lil' Hobbs dance and bark and yip. And he's been a fucking corpse for decades. Three weeks and I'm watching this. I'm watching this ghost.

When I was watching the text, he said his ex-girlfriend was like, oh, wow. I'm going to go rent a Cybertruck. One thing that she did, she was just like, he was like, cause she was also asking a bunch of disinterested questions. Cause obviously he sounded manic. So she was asking him a bunch of disinterested, sounded like disinterested questions. One was like, how fast does it go?

And he's like, unworldly. Yeah. Yeah, it was very, very sad. But then he went to go blow himself up in front of the Trump Tower, and then he just got exactly what he wanted, is that we just talked about him. So is this, again, this, like, reached out to your divorced buddies this year? Well, yeah. Is this a reach out?

I got the bird flu or the new China flu. I got something. You got something inside of you, but whatever it is, honestly, I like that it's made you humble. Thank you. Yeah, no, I was humble when I was holding my belly in my room.

You know, he's a bunch of gobbledygook.

It's over like it's like 20 a day. You're you are correct in terms of the utterly. Yeah. In terms of the suicide rate for soldiers are huge. Anybody in military. It's very, very big.

At least, you know, maybe this guy like took it to the next level. Well, I think the problem is that when you look at it, it was a mishmash of he had a brain injury.

he was not the same matthew livelsberger obviously dealt with quite a bit in the military and as a green beret he probably saw quite a bit of action he then came back out i think that he was he had a brain his brains were fucking scrambled yeah his brains scrambled he didn't know what he was doing and then he wrote a whole long conspiracy theory about the new jersey drones were like chinese military technology wouldn't he know better than anybody

No, not necessarily. Technically, those Green Beret guys. Maybe I'm wrong on this. Side stories, LPOTL at gmail.com.

It seems that people that are specifically trained to kill are not given lots of information. And I might be wrong.

Yes, I might be wrong. And I would actually like to know that for certain. But it kind of seems that they divide things up in that way, where if your job is to go kill a lot, They don't want you thinking too much. Yeah, you're infantry, not intelligence. Maybe I'm wrong. I don't know.

But so this is the... It's just wild to see that the stories were... Immediately, they said that the stories were linked. That the NOLA truck attack and the Trump explosion... Well, they seem linked. They did seem... Of course, they seem... But I think that... They went to the same... Fort Bragg. Fort Bragg. They probably fucking knew each other. And Fort Bragg, I believe, also had that shooter.

I believe Fort Bragg had the... Yeah, yep. I was also like William Kruzger Jr. I also had a shooting in 1995. No, there's a lot going on there. Something is, what we're going to, I don't know if what we're going to see is this, but I find it fascinating that they are parallel, but they're completely different. Yeah. And I think we're going to see more of stuff like that.

I just think that the internet's driving people crazy. Oh, absolutely, he's driving people crazy.

It's because it's, I guess, a political non-starter. Yeah, and then you see them like a pussy whenever you want to go for therapy. You know, and shit drives me crazy. I make my therapist call me a pussy. That's great. But that's just so I can get hard.

Because I can't be vulnerable unless I'm hard. So first I must be shamed, and then I can be fixed.

I actually thought that this whole conversation was fun.

Lil Hobbs is dead.

And I had to unfollow Lil Hobbs. Lil Hobbs. He put a bunch of fireworks. Yeah, I unfollowed Lil Hobbs. You unfollowed Lil Hobbs? He's dead. I still follow Wally Gator, even though Wally Gator's dead.

You have to let it go. No, I remember Wally forever. Lil' Hobbs lives on. Lil' Dobbs, Lil' Hobbs. Lil' Hobbs. Lil' Hobbs lives on.

All right, Christmas season is over, but that doesn't mean we don't have Christmas crimes. And there's been, there was a bunch of fun Christmas crimes, but not really that fun.

You know what it is about the family annihilators is that they all end the same.

It's like watching photos of just because you know how much. So are you mad about this? I don't know. I think it's good. I mean, you needed Little Hops. I did. This was a stressful time for you. Little Hops is fun. Yeah, but Little Hobbs was dead and Little Hobbs still made you feel delight.

God, I wish.

It's got to happen once or twice. Every once in a while.

Every once in a while there is. If you look up here, look up, yeah, 224. Yeah, the Lawson family murders. That was a big one. That was last year.

No, that was last year. You might have to put 2024. Oh, that was that other one. And then Jason Mayhew was another one that happened recently. That was a teenager. Yeah. But I think that that guy was, yeah, the five family, that guy.

Dude, dude, fucking a double banger, man. The man ruined one mass. He didn't get enough. He showed up to Holy Angels Catholic Church around 5 p.m.

Before fleeing the scene. I had to take out some citrus, you bitch. Yeah, you want to try to fuck with me? You're trying to fuck with me? I know the Dole family. Yeah, I tried. I got the whole produce section in my pockets. And then seven hours later. Seven hours. So he goes, what do you think happened? So he then goes to midnight mass.

Yeah, but now the true despair that the moment made me feel sort of obliterated all of the happiness he provided. It's kind of like how... Well, it's January 2nd. You're supposed to feel nothing on January 2nd. You're correct. And it was a thankful reminder to remember that 2025 is going to be mean and hard and long.

The mugshot of this next to the full glass of whiskey that they've decided to put next to him is so funny.

I did it. I'm the one who caused the trouble. Look at his face. He's like, ain't I a stinker? I'm the king. He just looks naughty. He looks like a naughty little girl. It's that little smile.

Why don't you go ruin Christmas over that?

Crushed it. Yeah. But what do you think? All right. So he's intoxicated. Yeah. Starting early. It's Christmas Eve. You say he's with friends. I say this man hasn't spoken to another person at least a week. Christmas Eve, he wakes up. He decides it's time for everybody. I'm Santa tonight, right? He wants to go to Santa.

So, like, you think that he'd get enough after first because he has to get the onion and the tangerines. Does he bring them from home or does he go to the store and purchase?

Thank God I saw that one ad on Instagram. I'd never be this fit if it was for my... onion and tangerine diet i will go down let me tell jesus about it but do you think he gets it put the man in manhattan normally i wouldn't waste an orange and several tangerines like this but it's a holiday Also, you're dumping it in the holy water. No one drinks the holy water. They dip their hands in it.

I think he was sullying the holy water. But I wonder, what does that man do for the seven hours in between? I mean, got hammered. More? I'm sure he got more drunk. Yes. Do you think he goes to her Denny's? No. No, no, no. He eats onion stain drinks.

That for me, go make my mouth hell. Yeah, gotta go. He goes, he gets, I actually applaud him because if I was drunk enough to ruin a Christmas Eve early mass, I definitely would be conked out.

Oh, yeah. He was going out there to do it. Mr. Von Gates, who is truly the fanciest name of a man that I know that is drunk on Christmas Eve, Thomas Campbell Bowling Von Gates. We...

I mean, who fucking... It sounds like one of those bullshit ones. America, man. Yeah. Sounds like one of the bullshit. That's fucking whatever. They should be designed to be interrupted.

He can't walk into... Well, yeah, whatever.

Actually, I do want to ask this. You don't have to pay admittance to go to a church. You don't have to show a license to go to a church. There's no subscription. What law is he breaking walking into the church?

God was real. Wouldn't he have stopped him? Yeah. If anything, he was giving to the church. He gave food and drink. Jesus turned water into wine. That guy turned water into whiskey by pouring whiskey into water. Yeah, man. That's easy to do. You guys are... I just don't... Yeah, I'm actually incensed about this. There's a crime to interrupting a mass as a crime? You threaten people, though.

That's different. That's what I'm saying. I mean, obviously, it's Christmas.

The whole thing is you can't masturbate. You can't gamble. You can't jerk off. You can't curse at your mother. Why do they have all these stupid fucking bird baths sitting in the front of the churches? Fill it with whiskey. Dude, honestly, they probably get more out of the whiskey than the holy water.

This guy should be a saint. Saint Von Goetz. I think that Saint Von Goetz is probably. We'll find out. I think it's Von Goetz. Von Goetz. I think it will. I believe it's the same. Goetz. Goetz. Something German. And then I quickly. Thomas Campbell Bowling Von Goetz. Goetz. We love you. Well, I like your actions, but I don't know what you've done yet. I'm sure he's unbearable.

That's so sad. They were like, Hobbs is dying. Put the Christmas sweater on. I know it's.

Can I send him out? Do you become my man? Do you become my chaos agent that I can send out to add religion? All I know is that this is the energy we're looking for in 2020. Now, this is not a long story. I just want to talk about this because this also happened on Christmas Day. Two Oregon men, they died from exposure in a forest after they went out to look for Sasquatch in Christmas Eve.

They went, they got hammered. They couldn't find them. It is, it's literally, it sounds like a parody Christmas song. And they went out and they found them frozen in the snow. Yeah.

Get the little hack. Get the little hack. We're going to have to go into storage. We're going to have to get their Christmas shit out soon. Yes, because there are now two tumors in his intestines and we need to get this shit. We have ads sold through. Fucking November 30th. Oh, man. We have ads sold, honey. Yeah, we got to keep it coming. I respect the fucking commitment. No, I do too.

Got Frozen looking for Sasquatch on Christmas. Looking for Bigfoot on Christmas. And also, Bigfoot's at home celebrating with his family.

You know, honestly, I was going to hit up my buddy because normally every Tuesday night we have onions and tangerines together, but he said he was busy, so... Yeah, these poor bastards. It's just dumb. It's just dumb ass shit. Look for Bigfoot in the summer. And unfortunately... Also, he's probably hibernating. Well, it's also Bigfoot celebrates Christmas Sasquatch. Actually, Jewish. Oh, really?

Yeah. Oh. The Yentl Yeti. A lot of them converted. Yeah. After World War II. A lot of them converted.

2025. Now, I know this is tasteless, but it's curious.

It was mostly just because I was curious, and then you talked to me about the deathlist.net, and I looked it up, and Dick Van Dyke is number one with a bullet. Number one, yes. But I only think that that's just because he's been on the news recently and had to be carried out of his homes.

And so he is number one. But my thing is, is that all of these, a lot of these guys make sense. John Williams makes sense. Mel Brooks makes sense. Alan Greenspan makes sense. Mel Brooks looks great. I saw Mel Brooks last year. He is not dying this year. No, Gene Hackman looks good, but I like to see. I don't know. That's, that's a hell of a statement.

I don't think Gene Hackman looks, I don't think he ever looked good. He's riding his bike at 95. My grandfather, my father can't walk from the fucking bedroom to the living room. Mel Brooks is 99. Yeah, and Frankie Valli, who I've also become obsessed with because I've been watching his new performances, and he basically performs like an animatronic. It's actually really kind of creepy.

He can talk still, but he's quite frightening watching him perform. He looks like he's been pulled out of a dark ride. But I want to say these are a lot of, like, these are all, to be frank, and also big one, number 50 on the list, Stuart Hall, sex offender. Oh, yeah.

96 years young. Who is he? I don't know.

I don't know why it's on this list. Stuart Hall.

Who did he offend? Cultural theorist. Oh, okay. And he's just known as a sex offender on this thing. God knows. I feel like we've just sent it. I just feel like we just stepped into a big thing. That was the wrong one. This is the multiple Stuart Halls.

Oh, I can see him. Yeah. Yeah. He looks like a sex offender. Yeah, he's got that British face. Too friendly. Yeah, he looks like a guy who fucking sucks children's feet. I want to see the inside of you.

He's on a game show called It's a Knockout. Okay. Of course, and that's where I can tell. Look at him. What a romantic face. David Attenborough, number 27. But these are all very... I just want to hear, what is your one outlier for the year? And let's see what happens. What's your one outlier? Total surprise. Who's going to die this year?

When should we tell everybody? You know, that was the talk they had after they put Hobbs down. The first thing is they're just sitting there talking about, probably talking about merch rollouts while they're watching little Hobbs going... And they're just sitting there just being like, you know, we really are going to have to, you know, we're going to have to knuckle down and get some.

let's put some money on it um total outlier total outlier just random person someone that you think that could die this year that could die this year that you just be totally random totally random and then we'll see and then we'll obviously see at the end mike tyson okay yeah i can see it happening i can see mike tyson yeah sure i can see mike tyson going yeah you know he's he almost went this year

Yeah, and he's lived hard, too. I'm putting money on Eddie Redmayne. Eddie Redmayne! I'm still going to put money on it. Yeah? Just for the sake of it. Now, is this money a hit? No, Eddie. Absolutely not.

He could be sick. He could be very sick. Look at his face. Look at his pinched face. He does, yeah. How does a face get that thin? He could be very, very sick. I hate his little waist. He's a good nurse. What? Wasn't that the movie he was in? No, you're thinking of the other... He was the... Was that the one with the abortions? The murderer... The murder nurse. Vera Drake. Oh, Vera Drake.

Drop your knickers. Oh, yeah. You remember when we played the drinking game?

She had a great time. She was free to drink. Yeah, she drank plenty. Now, let's get to some listener emails. Yeah, he was in The Good Nurse. That movie sucked. Except it's got my baby in it. Who? Jessica Chastain. My wife looks like Jessica. My wife looks like Jessica Chastain. I always say my wife looks like Jessica Chastain. We can't both have that. Well, she is short. I will say that.

Jessica Chastain? Yeah, she's short. She is? Yeah. Isn't she one of those two that says she's older than she is? Or she's younger than she is? She's actually older, but she looks good. She's older than us. Wow. Isn't that great? That turns you on more, doesn't it? Of course. 47 years young. Looking great. All right, here we go. We got a couple of these listener emails.

I think that I'm just going to read one and I'm going to read this, the first one and the last one. Okay. This first one is spooky. It's been confirmed now by three separate people, including myself, that my friend's house is haunted. In early August, about 1 a.m., I fell asleep on the recliner in the living room.

I woke up to an incredibly strong feeling of a woman watching me in the hallway that led to the rest of the house. I kept my eyes closed and waited for the feelings to pass, but it didn't, so I opened my eyes to look around to make sure no one was watching me. I went and slept in another room.

I know that we all wanted to get that new Lil' Hobbs chess set going. And we're having some problems with some Chinese manufacturers. But I think we're going to have to get that on the double.

I talked it up to having a very strong dream and being uncomfortable since my dad had just died a couple days before. I told my friend the next morning, I don't think about it until, whatever, right? We didn't think about it until the next day.

On December 11th, 2024, around 8.30 p.m., he had another guest over, who was sitting alone in the same recliner, waiting on my friend and his wife to finish their online D&D game on the other side of the house. He said that he felt a feeling of a woman watching him as well, and he looked up to see a figure watching him from the corner.

He closed his eyes and looked away and looked back, and it was gone. It spooked him, and he left. My friend's roommate overheard my friend and the guest discussing the situation when my friend's roommate was like, holy shit, I have a story too. The roommate who was having stomach problems decided to leave his room and sleep on the recliner one night.

He awoke to the same feeling of a woman watching him in the room. He couldn't specify the direction. However, his incident occurred around 3 a.m. They're all saying they all kind of felt... this female presence watching it. Okay. And then they all confirmed it. Same female presence, same recliner. It did no bad or good feelings. It just felt neutral, like they were being watched.

Me and the other fellow had the same exact details, except we couldn't pinpoint where in the room the woman was watching us from. So my buddy and I did some research on the house. The original owner died on December 10th, 2021, inside the house.

Also, 2024 was a leap year, which means that we added a day onto the year, which means it should be December 10th, 2024, and that was when the other guest saw her figure. It was the anniversary. Oh!

nice you know i thought i saw a ghost in a recliner yeah yeah i know i know this story yeah you should save this though it's a long story yeah no no but i think i think a recliner is somewhere where ghosts like to hang out why wouldn't they want to be comfortable that's where i like to put my butt ghosts and by those i mean my farts it's very spooky remember um john moreno had the haunted house that he lived in

from Murderfest where he kept seeing like burning people. That's right. I forgot all about it. Yeah, he lived in this tiny house in Tallahassee. He'd wake up and see people burning in his bedroom.

And then they found out that it was like a slave quarters. We should talk with him. We should bring him on to talk about it. I forgot about that story.

Weird. That's fucking weird. Yeah. I want to talk with John about that. That'd be great to do for something with the creepypasta. Some creepypasta episode, because that story is very frightening.

All right, here we go. One last one. I'll take this one with a grain of salt, but this is some of my favorite shit in Fates to Planet. All right. Back in 2012, I was stationed in Colorado Springs for a year, and while I was in the process of getting settled, I decided to check out the local scene. Colorado Springs is a unique part of this country. Very strange place.

A lot of military. I was still waiting on my furniture to arrive and I had nothing to do at home, so I went to explore downtown. I managed to hit it off with some Air Force guys and spent the better part of the evening bar hopping with them. It got late and decided it was time to go home, so I called a cab. I'm 39 years old and Uber was not a thing at the time. It's 2012.

One of the Air Force guys wanted to come with me. He was out on his last hurrah before PCSing, permanent change of station, to another duty station, so I figured he wanted to just hook up. I told him, there's no way I can host. I'm literally sleeping on an air mattress. He persisted.

Eventually, I relented, and we came back to mine, and he honestly didn't make a move, but he told me the craziest story. He'd been enlisted in the Air Force for a while. He was an E6. He was working at NORAD and somehow stumbled into a quote unquote a meeting that he shouldn't have belonged in. Sometimes if you're in uniform and keep a straight face, no one asks questions.

Only in Los Angeles. Man, you know who knows an old dog I love? Norbert. He's not long for this world. Norbert. After watching Lil' Hobbs go down, because I also follow Norbert. I love Norbert. And I love Miss Sunday, the black lab. Do you know her? No, but the black labs are even harder because Norbert will live to a shivering 22 years old.

At this meeting, he said that there was an alien. I legit didn't believe him, and I laughed when he told me, again thinking he had ulterior motives, but he persisted, and he was very serious. The meeting was held at a conference table, and in one of the chairs sat an alien. It was a small, brown, and had scales, according to my guest.

It was anthropomorphic, and had two giant black eyes and only nostrils, not a nose. It did not speak, but it did have a slit where a mouth should be. Instead of speaking, it communicated telepathically, and everyone present was able to understand it. I didn't ask enough questions at the time, but I got the impression that my guest was telling the truth.

But it's strange because he almost seemed sad to tell me this story. Not excited, scared, or curious. Almost depressed. I don't know what message the alien relayed, but the meeting was amongst a bunch of U.S. military officials, according to him. But he doesn't, according to the, unfortunately, I don't have any more details.

He spent the night in my slowly deflating air mattress and never tried anything with me. Had a banana in the morning and then called his friend to pick him up. I've never heard from him again. I want to believe them.

I hope there are more legitimate sightings, but there's something ominous about an unknown secret of race of beings and their possible relationship with our government that has the undertones of both awe and fright. Maybe we'll come to know more in question if there's a god. I'm an atheist studying zoology and a fossil record.

If aliens from another world exist and if somehow resembles us, how do I justify that? But sometimes you just got to let go and say, fuck it. I've never heard of brown scaly aliens. All different types. There are ones with big noses. There are ones that are, you know, you've got the tall whites. I know the grays and the tall whites. But there's many styles of aliens.

There's many, many styles of aliens. A lot of the grays they say are robotic, but who fucking knows?

E.T. 's brown.

He's very cool. I wish it was real.

I guess he wasn't ready to have sex with that man enough. Or the guy wasn't paying attention.

He was just wondering, why can someone please? Please? Yeah, small brown scale. What does it say here on Pinterest? Yeah, I don't see a small brown alien. I got to look at my, I have an alien bucket on. I'm going to look at it. So just, guys, remember, wow. First one in, Eddie. Yeah. First one of 2025 in. 2020, feeling good. Feeling, well, you're fine. I'm feeling mediocre, to be honest with you.

I'm about 80%. But, hey, can only go uphill from here. That's right. So live every day knowing for a fact if you're at the bottom of the hill, you just got to fucking roll towards more of the bottom. Honestly. Yeah. Because sometimes you'd really, like... You'd love the bottom. You never actually know how much fun you can have at the bottom. Once you get to the bottom, dig.

Just be there for a while. But then laugh as you ascend because you know that yes, you know that you have technically made it worse for yourself, but in the end when you dig yourself out of a hole, people like you better. That is so true.

Yes, and I can't wait. Are we not moving ahead a year? No, we are. It's 2026 in Hoopagoogoo land now. Good, good, good.

So thank you guys. Go to our patreon.com slash lastpodcast. You'll have to watch us and flop our jowls. Go to twitch.tv slash lpntv to watch Hoopagoogoo HGX2 and go to lastpodcastontheleft.com to buy tickets to see us live. We are going to be amazing. I promise you. That's right. We're in Atlanta.

Norbert's a four-pound dog. Oh, no, we're talking about different Norberts. That's what I'm saying.

Oh, definitely. We're definitely going to replace the Masonic Lodge date.

Yep. But, hey, we're healed. And all for the better for it. Yeah. We can't necessarily tie it to that day, but I'm not going to... Not. It had to have been that. I mean, I don't know. Because I'm, you know... Lord Humongous is COVID. No, he's not.

Mine's a pit bull Norbert. Oh, this is not the Norbert you follow? This is not my Norbert. Wait a second, Eddie. This ain't my Norbert. We have to talk about this. How is Norbert not suing your Norbert? He typed in Norbert the dog, and the first one that popped up is my Norbert. Really?

He's clean. He's the cleanest man. Honestly, what I love about Lard is that he's so soft-spoken and nice.

And he's got a lovely wife. Yeah, yeah.

I don't want to bust his character, but he's like... He's so kind. He's such a kind, sweet, gentle man. You have to be to be that.

Love you. Bye.

Just like the Virgin Mary on the Christmas Eve's Eve. Yeah.

The problem with the bigger dog influencers, that's extremely cute. But the bigger dog influencers, they do die faster.

Not dead. Quote, unquote. So they had to say she's not dead? No, no, no. Well, they said she's retiring from social media. And I bought a calendar for Julie for Christmas. And for my dog, Nanny Maxx. This is what little Hobbes learn. This is what you learn. The dog never dies. The dog retires. Miss Sunday's hot. I always show Rambo videos of Miss Sunday and be like, look at this bitch.

Oh, you're talking about the dog. I'm talking about, yeah. Okay, I'm talking about the older African-American lady that owns him.

She loves her baths. Okay, well now we're just talking about dogs. And I think it's very sweet. It's very sweet. You're taking it, bringing it in the new year, talking about these old ass dogs. My dogs are still alive. Your dogs are still alive. Against all odds. Oh, yeah. No, and Carmi's still alive even though she went into underneath the tree. She found my mom in all of her generosity.

Well, what's sad is how debased a man allows himself to get. Yeah. I know other men, because I am one of the bravest, strongest survivors that's ever lived through a cold or having hurt my toe or having hurt my thumb. And the one thing that Natalie will tell you is that I suffer in silence like a World War II veteran. No one knows that I'm in discomfort, and I never show a sign of weakness.

My mom does this thing. She's still feeding Gracie Mae from the grave. She does a little, and I mean this with all love. She's becoming slightly like an Aunt Bethany from National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, where she is just wrapping stuff. And so we did not know she had wrapped a bar of dark chocolate underneath the tree. And Carmi, who's a little Brittany Murphy, she is becoming in love.

She loves anything that can kill her. Baby oil?

Getting that laced baby oil? And so she goes and she found the bar of chocolate. She waited. She literally had probably located it before. Natalie stepped out. I mean this. She went under the tree while Natalie was gone for 10 minutes, ate the bar of chocolate, then thousands of dollars later just got to be confused in a fucking urgent care. I have no idea, but she lived it.

When you wrap candy, it goes in the tree or in the stocking. Don't wrap candy. Don't wrap candy. Just give candy. Just give candy. You're right. But don't put it under the tree. The dogs will get it. Speaking of dogs are sick, Ed's sick. I'm not. I'm invulnerable. I actually think that Trot, honestly, I'm the best I've ever been. I feel that I'm only getting stronger, funnier, more handsome.

Fatter. boulder bulking i'm bulking i'm bigger muscly i did i i benched i double i double dumbbell 45 pounds the other day with two hands the other day 45 any chance each hand for me really that was big can you curl 45 i can curl 35 whoa strong now that's very i don't think i could do that No, I'll kill any other podcaster that tries to fuck with me. I don't think that's true at all.

Oh, no, I'll come get them. There's so many podcasters that just eat liver. You know, it's just fun to do. I like to challenge them with fights. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because they never get any attention. Now, let's talk about some couple of great, great updates for this year immediately. Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! Now, our guy, one of our favorite guys here, father of the year, Josef Fritzl.

2009. And so he, so now, but he's saying straight up, first of all, he doesn't understand the big hubbub. He doesn't know why everybody's still so upset with him. Because according to him, I was actually a good father. Moreover, he claims, I specifically saved money to help with children's education. I visited the children often and helped them whenever they were given chance to do.

I helped them and encouraged them to play musical instruments and so forth. I know with one of my daughters I made a mistake. And I regret that. But apart from that, I believe that I was actually a good father. That is a direct quote from Yosef Fritzl. For those of you who don't know, he made a family with his daughter.

He created a sex dungeon that she was put inside of, and then he made a secret family in there. It didn't go well for him. Now he's in jail. But they're saying that he might get parole, and he has insisted he needs a house in the basement. And it is what he says. Is that true? It is the first thing he said that he says that, number one, he says he no longer feels comfortable driving.

He's not happy with driving, and he says that he needs, he must have a residence near a train equipped with a basement. And that's what he says. His attorney, Astrid Wagner, told local media every day he dreams of having his own house or apartment. See? But it must have a bathroom. It must have a bathroom. A basement. Because he says he has so many files. Oh, he needs to keep all his files.

He has so many files. Yeah.

But, you know, tell me about this because I just watched that. I've seen clips from that movie Baby Girl. Oh, yeah. It's a sex movie.

The Nicole Kidman movie. Her Disclosure. But the whole thing I see now is because that big, that song. It's like a famous song from him that gets a big sexy moment. Just him coming down to the basement. I will be your fossil figure. I can see him coming in all sexy.

What if they put him in the basement of the prison? Wouldn't that work? He doesn't want to be in the basement. He wants to have a basement. Oh, he wants to have a basement. Yeah, he doesn't want to be in the basement. He's got to put other people in the basement. Daughters go in basements. That's right. Fathers are in the living room.

He should be in prison at least as long as he kept his daughter in prison. At the bare minimum. He's going to die in there. There's no way he's going to... They're all basically saying... They're not letting him out. Not really. They're saying that essentially he's going to be moved to a lower security prison, but they think that the idea of total freedom is not going to happen.

How long did they give him when he got sentenced? I forgot what the sentence was. They tried... You remember it was... Oh! It's kind of like Anders Breivik. I believe it was one of those, they put him in jail and they're like, we'll figure this out later. Because it's one of these countries where they don't know. It's just a very liberal country.

Never. Not once. Never been weak. No, no, no, no. I make sure when I'm sick, I'm volunteering at the firehouse. Oh, absolutely. That's what I do. I'm brave.

Life imprisonment with the possibility of parole after 15 years. Yeah, so now it's 15 years. So he's allowed. He's allowed. You might as well ask. Hey, come on. He says, I was hearing about these pelotons. I would like to use, I heard they do a thing too, where it turns the screen and it takes you anywhere. And I would like to ride my bike along my daughter's naked body.

Well, that's different, Yosef. You can't do it. Second update. Big, yeah, what's going on with these things, man? Well, drones, I'm not even going to start talking about the drones.

No, it's just that it seems- What are you hiding? The wave has passed. Honestly, I think it's a prediabetes. I think I'm going to be diagnosed with prediabetes. That's what I'm hiding. But what I am not hiding is the fact that the story has now, as we knew it would eventually go, it has drifted past. We are now past it. We're now new.

Now we're just in Trump nonsense zone, which we're going to be for the next four years. And it's going to be a lot like that. So one thing that the official statement, right? Yes, so far. The official statement, the last that we heard from the U.S.

government, was they said, We assess that the sightings to date include a combination of lawful commercial drones, hobbyist drones, and law enforcement drones, as well as manned fixed-wing aircraft, helicopters, and stars mistakenly reported as drones. Definitely, because we're fucking stupid.

And then Jacob Weinling, another guy who's a reporter, he believes that the drones are a part of the $1.5 trillion drone air taxi program rollout, which I don't think the way to start the air taxis is to make everybody afraid of them and not know what they are. I think that mostly if you want a- Yeah, you're like, check out the air taxi. It's totally safe.

I'm down at the mission. I'm built different. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm built different. I am one of the most incredible husbands there's ever been, but honestly, Eddie, I'm glad you're okay. Yeah, I finally got the confidence to fart again. Which is nice. Were you afraid you were going to spray? I did. I had a couple. I shit myself twice. Welcome to Side Stories.

This is like the thing you do at the World's Fair.

You get Jules Verne's hologram to introduce it. I don't think we need to fool us. I think that we just would either take the air taxis or not. I know that in LA, we're supposed to be taking air taxis to the Olympics maybe in 2028. That's right. We'll see.

Do you want to listen to Last Podcast on the Left without ads? Do you want extra content? Do you want to see what it's like behind the scenes? Patreon.com slash Last Podcast on the Left.

It's adorable. It doesn't cost that much money. But it's just, no, remember when you're, the people that are getting the death threats are not who you want them to be.

to me yeah they don't go up it doesn't go up the pipe yeah they just go sideways straight to the police yes and they are just so just know that yeah uh i know it's only 74 grand for the boston dynamic 74 000 we could all as a company i'll garner some wages listen rob it just for one month i'll garner some wages two grand on it we'll all do it yeah we'll throw money in and we buy one dog and that protects the network protects all can it go up and downstairs

Yeah. All right. You're getting bound. It makes big leaps. Very frightening. All right, so it won't fuck with my dog. Oh, yes, it will kill everyone. It's going to kill everyone. That's what I like. I want to be killed by my pet. That is my dream. They should have gave it a head. I guess maybe you don't want to give the robot dog a head. Yeah, sometimes you give it a head.

Because then you start treating it like a dog dog. No, there's a head. It's a rifle. Oh, there we go. Isn't that nice and that cute? It's got a grabber. Look at that. Oh, cute. Oh, wow. Little guy. He's got a little gum. He's got a little gum there. Oh, no, that's an arm attachment so you can grab at people. Oh, that's great. Right at crotch level. Yeah. Yeah. All right, let's do more updates.

Yeah. Oh, you got more updates? This story. At first was kind of a dumb story. Okay. But now that the details are out, I fucking love this story. This gentleman, he tried to fake his own death. Oh, okay. Yeah. The guy in the lake with the canoe. Yeah. And he ran off to Uzbekistan and he tried to give his family the money. So when it all went away, right? So Ryan Borgwart, he faked his own death.

Horrible name. He's a Wisconsin kayaker. And he had faked his own death. At first, there was rumors that... It was a rumor that he might have gone to Uzbekistan to be with the woman that he had found online. And it seems that that is true. It's true. They ended up negotiating with this man through the police, got in contact with him as he had left. So he had faked his own death.

And for reasons unknown, they have not released the reasons. He said that's up to the man himself to. But he did voluntarily return to the United States and get a drug. He got arrested on obstructing of justice store charges and five hundred dollar bond like nothing. But is that the crime? Is that the name of the crime? Yes. Faking your own death. Obstruction of justice. Yeah. Obstruction.

Because what you're doing is making them. They spent like thirty five grand on the. You got to pay that shit back. You do. Or that gets kind of later. You might get some. You might get some jail time. You might get some. Like there's a lot of ways to go about it. I know he's one thing he's not getting is his family back. Because he fucked it up. So he was married with kids.

And we were asking about the dental dam and whether it's good or not. Well, we were making fun. We were making jibes. Well, she gave me some. Would you like to see if maybe you want to bring this home? Well, let me just see if I can do this. She told me it was a gift for you. Oh, for me? Well, there's only one here. We can't share. No, we cannot. I will not share this with you.

And if you just hear, now we have the details of how he made this plan. And this is a man. And we've said this on the show before. And I will give this man credit for not killing his family. He did not kill his family. He didn't kill his family. We do know that about them. We can say that this man did not kill his family. And that is good. And hard to do. What? Not kill your family. Every day.

My mother's been here. My mother's been here for six days. All right. I wanted to literally crucify her. Yeah. Luckily, I'm an only child. But I love her. Yeah. I love her to death. And honestly, Mom, we had a great time. Yeah. No, she was great. I had a wonderful time with your mom. We had a really, really good time. Gay men's chorus. Wonderful. Where were the wives on that? I don't know.

I went to the gay men's chorus. I don't understand. I mean, I get Christmas makes us all happy. Yeah. But why? Where are the women? Yeah. And what's up with the line for the men's room? I don't know. Where are the women? Why is it so long? I love seeing gay men all get together because I love hearing laughter. Yeah. Right? Because what makes people more gay than the holidays?

And they were hairy chested, strong. Like you can tell they're like working out athletes. Yeah. Where were the women? Where were their wives? Yeah.

But we got 18 slots. Yeah. I can see you getting shingle bells this year. Fucking it's on its way.

And so let's go back to the story. So this guy, for the amount of energy he put into this, he probably could have done a lot, but it was pretty fucking, this guy really went for it. So he looked into what happens when you drown and what are the circumstances by which people drown in a lake? And he realized, he's like, oh, I'm going to do this. I got an idea. I got a little idea.

So he attended church with his family on the morning of August 11th. To pray for death. Oh, he had to. He had to go pretend to be dead. Yeah. You know, a father. Dear God, please let me get away with faking my own death. Please let me. Please make me a bird so I can fly far, far away from here.

And so he put his plan into motion that night, telling his family he's going on a solo kayaking trip because that's what fathers do. So he drove 50 miles from his home in Watertown to Green Lake, right? So then he said he picked Green Lake because this is how much research he did, was that it was the deepest lake in Wisconsin. Okay. That's a great reason. He knows what to do.

So he paddles, kayaks in the middle of the lake. Throw the raft, inflate into the raft, gets out of the kayak, into the raft, overturns the kayak, sinks it, but puts it, like, knocks a hole in it, sinks it to the bottom. He then paddles back to the shore in the raft. He dumps his cell phone in a tackle box with his license and all this shit. I didn't know how he did this, right?

In a tackle box, dumps it back in the lake. He's been so afraid. So far, so good. Absolutely. He's so afraid because now he's had to walk out of the lake in waist-deep muck that then he has to crawl on his belly and almost snow angel style mix up all the mud. Well, yeah, because you can't have the footprints. None. So he then, he had position.

So before this, he had put an electronic bike in the woods on the other side of the lake. Yeah. And so he got his electronic bike covered in mud. Only in Wisconsin that wouldn't get stolen. Dude. Goes, takes his bike 70 miles all night. He bikes all night to Madison.

Clean it and bring it back. Listen, if you lady in the tramp a dental dam, it's just two tramps. Here we go. I feel like we could do... I've never used one of these before. No, no, no, no. Yeah, you put it on there. Yeah, yeah, there you go. You got to lick it and... Yeah. Yeah, you got to push it. So this is supposed to be romantic? Yeah, no, no. You're creating the hole.

Oh, the bike's moving, moving. I'm coming, Ulia. I'm coming, Ulia. And so he fucking, he goes, he gets on a bus to Toronto. Somehow, this is the power of Uzbekistan pussy. He talked his way through customs. I mean, it's easy to talk your way into Canada. How? He had no passport. He had no driver's license. Hey! It's me! I'm good for it! Tim Hortons! Tim Hortons! You must be Canadian.

Oh, you gotta be. And so he, I don't know how the fuck he got through. I don't know how he did it. I mean, fire that guy, dude. Well, it's just, I mean, you have to, I think that's right. You ever seen the movie Greenland? No. The whole dumb ass movie. I like that movie. People tell me I look like Gerard Butler. Who? Blind people? Right in the sidestories, L-P-O-T-L, at gmail.com.

Let me know if I look like Gerard Butler. That movie. Hold on, let me give him a mean face. Whoa, yeah, that is attractive. That is more, yeah, sort of. Yeah, you look like if he was sick, in a way.

We've got to protect this place. That's my Gerard Butler. But that whole shit fuck movie is all about how the world's ending. It's all this thing. But he somehow talks. It's like the whole world stops to save this one white family. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? It's like the whole world has to revolve around Gerard Butler. All these fucking movies. It's just like, what will happen to his son?

I don't know, bro. Eight billion people are going to fucking die. And then he takes it. He gets it. Spoiler. Sorry, guys. He gets he convinces them to bring his son and he sneaks his son in, realizing. But also the whole reason why they didn't want his son to come in is because he had diabetes. He was going to die immediately because there was no medicine. So he just brought him to die. Yep.

That's it. No medicine in Greenland. But that's what this guy did in Canada at the border. You know, he said they're being like, I got to get through there. You don't know what the fuck it. You don't know what I got to do, man.

All right. So then he flew to Paris. Romantic. And then he flew to an unspecified country in Asia. And that's where this lucky lady picked him up. Apparently, he spent a couple of days in a hotel. And then they took up in there. You know, everyone wants to go on a romantic, romantic vacation to the war torn country of Georgia. Yes.

And so he went to Georgia, which is not, y'all noticed too in New York City, there's a lot of that now. People doing a lot of the Ukrainian food and the Georgian food. Yeah. And it is interesting. It is its own thing, but it's definitely weird to see a bunch of like hip, like New York fashion people eat stuff like grark. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Where it's just like potato beet stew.

Yeah, just like caviar and eel. Yeah, yeah, it's very strange. So he goes to Georgia, and now this is when they started to realize, he realized his story went national. The investigators that contacted the board worked through the information they found in a laptop he left behind, including a photo of the woman he traveled to meet.

You're supposed to go into the hole, I believe. Okay, all right. So this is clean, right? Yeah, that's clean. That's straight from the dentist's office. It couldn't be more clean. I'm going to put it over my Starbucks can. All right. There it goes.

He told investigators he had to leave the laptop to make his death believable, but then he did leave too much money on it. But I will say, good guy alert. What'd he do? He set up, before he faked his own death, he set up a life insurance policy for $375,000 for his family. Okay. This is, again, he's an idiot. This man is a criminal idiot. But at least he had half a conscience. He tried.

He is abandoning his family. This is so funny. He is abandoning. We will say he's straight up abandoning his family. This is how flow the bar is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He didn't kill him. All right. Which I think is really nice. We're proud of you. We're really proud of you. We're proud of you.

And so they said they look for his body for a month, which is also, and this is really a story about depression too, because Borgwart, he even said-

fuck this guy's name but he literally said i didn't think they'd look for me that long no man nah you're sorry bro you're all accountable bro you're mattered to your family dude sorry that's a boner killer i get it not even your family you mattered to the government and the insurance company you're trying to fuck yes the insurance company is gonna find your fucking ass want to see your skeleton

They want to see if you know anything about insurance companies, buddy. And we've all learned something, that nothing matters unless you're a corpse to them. And so that's all they gave a shit, dude. Again, this is a... It's so funny, honey.

It's the health insurance is what got him.

The health insurance. The life insurance. The life insurance is what got him.

And so he is just... But he did try. He did try. But the worst part... Yeah, it just didn't work out. And I don't think it worked out with the girl. Oh, with her? I mean, obviously it didn't. He's back. Yeah. She probably took whatever money he had. And he said, I'm very sorry. And he's apologized to his wife. He's lucky he fucking woke up with his organs.

You know, I just think sometimes you meet an Uzbekistan scammer lady that probably looks very different in person. She deserves a raise. Whoa. She pulled an American out. I mean, she could mastermind this whole fucking thing. You know he shows up and she's got three other of them. Like, you know, that's how it always is. You ever see the story about the guy?

It's a really fucked up story about this young dude.

gifted kid i forget what it was it's just like he essentially gave all of his parents money to this only fans girl in eastern europe and then when they cut him off he killed the whole family right so he killed everybody because they cut off his money spigot to this only fans girl and then he cuts to the video of him talking to this lady in eastern europe and him explaining about like he's crying about how he wishes that they could be together and stuff and she goes oh

oh sorry you know like she doesn't give a fuck like you're just guy nine that she has watched kill her family while she just bored hangs out in a in juicy couture like it's just so it's just men are it's rough out there for guys this is oh yeah they grant a motto family annihilator this fucking guy it's just I love our OnlyFans ladies. I just got to know, guys, you're paying for them to like you.

All right? Just the whole thing. They don't love you. I love you. I love us. And I love the arrangement. But you should remember. Yeah. Yeah, that's the thing. With porn, before OnlyFans, it was like you were removed from the actual... And now everyone thinks they know and they're in these relationships with these people.

It's nice because it gives them a little bit more autonomy and they don't have to necessarily deal with predatory pornography companies. I feel it's great that it gives them that sense of control, but then the problem is it's you and the customer. Yeah, every time you're giving sexual relief to someone who's sexually oppressed, it's going to be a disaster at some point.

That's the whole idea. Just get the first. We all know my first batch of devils that have to come out of me every day. It's necessary. Right. That first evil batch has to come out. Right. So that's what you got to do. You just squirt them out real fast. Then we can have a reasonable conversation. Yeah, absolutely. Let's get some new news.

Yeah, well, while we're on the topic of family annihilators, there's a quick one. I might as well stick with it. Oh, wow, great. Yeah, there's a 16-year-old boy. Feels like Christmas, just like Christmas. Oh, man. Well, I'm sorry I giggled. A 16-year-old boy murdered four family members in New Mexico this past weekend, and he is charged with first-degree murder. Did they deserve it?

It doesn't seem like they did. They don't say that in the article? There's not enough journalistic integrity to say whether the family deserved it or not, Henry. This is what happens when AI writes everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So... New Mexico State Police announced that four bodies had been found in a Valencia County home on the previous day.

The victims were fatally gunned down, and the 16-year-old boy has been arrested in connection to those deaths. Diego Leyva, who informed a 911 dispatcher that he had recently killed his family. Hey, at least he's honest about it. Yeah, no, I mean, he- It helps everybody get it wrapped up quick. No, this is definitely wrapped up quick.

When deputies arrived, Diego walked out of the Belain residence with his hands in the air and was extremely intoxicated. The police statement notes- Do you think he did that? No. The second that they were dead? Oh, yeah.

And the authorities, when they entered the residence, found a handgun on the kitchen table and four individuals dead. 42-year-old Leonardo Leyva, Adriana Bencoma, 35, who was a local volunteer firefighter, and Adrian Leyva and Alexander Leyva, 16 and 14, were also found, I guess, executed is the word. Funny story, Eddie. Yeah, well, it's not a funny story.

I just feel like we talk about all family annihilations here on the show. We do, and there's been a bunch of them. You notice that they come in waves. And also was a 16-year-old recently that we talked about that was in Seattle that killed his family. They come in waves. Right outside of Seattle. And family annihilation also skyrockets during the holidays. Wonder why.

What a great episode Already Oh my god Thank you Eddie said before the show I got some dental dams We could do some good material with that I mean it was great Hey Do you think Are you not impressed by yourself? Robin Williams Could never You ever see it when he does it with the pashmina?

Yes, but he was brought to the hospital until he sobered up and now is booked in Albuquerque's Juvenile Justice Center. More information is coming. Well, they immediately put him juvenile, I guess. For 16, 16's kind of on the edge. I mean, well, 18's the limit. But normally 16, sometimes it'll pop you right into adult jail. If you kill a lot of people. Kill your family. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That puts you right into it. But, I mean, what, is that really going to make life better? Like, if you put this, like, 16-year-old into fucking gen pop? No, it just makes him a worse criminal eventually. I mean, eventually, yeah, you just, I mean, well, he's never getting out. No. No, he's never getting out. By the way, Missouri, almost out of people to execute. Isn't that nice?

Whoa, we're getting to the bottom. Yeah, yeah. There's only eight people left on death row in Missouri. You know, I feel like this might be controversial, but just get all the last of them in one go. Nah. Just blow them up. You know what I mean? It might be controversial. I don't know. Is that controversial?

I'm feeling evil today. Yeah, apparently. I don't believe in the death penalty, and y'all know that. Yes, no, of course. Y'all know that. The only people that should be killed are audiences. Yeah, he wants everyone released. No laws. Chaos reigns. Yes. Everybody. Rule of strength. Rule of wits. How is your new Antifa leadership going?

Honestly, it's been really hard getting these guys together because you know what it is about these Zoomers is they don't show up on time. Yeah. And there's just a revolution is just being difficult to get started. I joined Uncle Tifa. Oh, wow. Good. We go after a bunch of nephews together. All right, this story. I want to talk about this story. This is pretty fucking, this is frightening.

This is the guy waiting. Oh, the Nebraska one? Yeah.

This is really cool. I actually have this one up too right now because this is, it blew my mind. This is very strange. So this is Bennington, Nebraska. This is a weird mystery that's happening. It's happening involving multiple drivers involved in three separate crashes on Highway 36 in Bennington. Say the same man was the first person to arrive at the crash site and offer help.

So all of these strangers, all of the crashes involved the vehicles hitting an object that was put in the middle of the roadway. Straight up in the middle. That was just in the roadway. Like a child's bicycle was one of them. Yes. And now we're wondering if they were put there on purpose. So this guy, Garrison Beach, he was cresting a hill while driving on Highway 36. He was in the dark.

No Where he does like He goes inside the actor's studio And he takes the scarf from the woman Then he does five accents And we can't do anymore Yeah Everybody's favorite comedian. Genius. Genius, genius man. He was extremely funny. If you want to see bits like that, please come to Classy Night Out this Saturday. We have 10 tickets left. Yes. All right? We have 10 tickets.

He swerved to avoid what looks like a large piece of metal. in the middle of the roadway. And so what he did was he swung and he overcorrected getting around it and his car went off the fucking bridge into a ravine. They were thankfully okay.

But he said that he noticed as they drove past the bridge there was a man right before the bridge sitting in a car with no headlights on. And as they got up looking for help he looked up and he saw the headlights turn on. And this guy gets out and he says, hey, you guys need any help? I called the paramedics. I called the paramedics. You guys need any help? You want to come wait in my car?

And that was the thing. He said, come up in my car. Come in my car. Come up in my car. Don't you want to come in my car? Right? It's cold out. It's cold. Yeah. It's cold. Shivering, huh? Covered in blood. I got napkins. Want to come in my car? And so they said, no, no thanks. And he just apparently went like, all right, and went back to his car. And then drove off. Yes. No, yes, he did drove off.

Yeah. Right. And so subtle as they, what happened, right? So the next thing that happened was that a guy, Kyle Sorensen, He hits a bike, the middle lift, in the center, the same highway. As I look at my rear view mirror, this is according to Kyle Sorensen, I saw someone just sitting there, just north of Pawnee Road.

They pulled up behind me and it was this individual saying he was checking to make sure I was okay. Seeing little damage to his vehicle, Kyle left. But later, near the same place, along the highway, his wife spotted the same man behind another car that was just leaking oil on the side of the highway.

In two weeks, according to Sorensen, this has been three incidents where he was immediately the first person on the scene. It seems strange. Now, the one thing that comes to my mind is, remember the movie Crash? He must be shady as fuck. Yes. It's like all three times people in dire need crash in a ravine. And they're like, no thanks. Yeah, we're good. Thank you. I'll stay in the cold.

No, thank you. Not like Nebraska's warm. No, it's got like branches. It's long legs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just the guy going like, hi. Hello. What you like to eat? My car. Yeah, it's nice. I got my cats in there. You know, like. Cuckoo. Yeah. You know, actually, we're good. I actually, I like it out here where this object is burning. My car's so warm. Yeah, I bet it is.

No, I like the snow in my blood. Would you like to taste my knife? No, you know what? Honestly, normally I totally would. There's chocolate on my knife. Sorry, no, honestly, I'm totally busy. Get special chocolate. Listen, I'm late to my KKK meeting. I can't do this. Get away from me, sir. But like these guys are, I don't know what's, this is a very creepy.

It's just creepy because right now we don't know what it is. You've ever seen the movie Crash? Yes. By David Cronenberg? Oh, no, no, no, no. Not the awful race matters one. The one that's about people that get into car crashes on purpose to have sexual gratification. They fuck each other in the cars. I've heard of it. I've never watched it. It's weird. Yeah. You'd like it. Okay, sure.

Do you like David Cronenberg? I love David Cronenberg. Then you'd like it. It's fucking dark. It's very fucked up. You know what's really good is the book. Is that Lance Hendrickson? Is that Lance Henriksen? I don't know. If it is, I'm in. Yeah, it might be. Yeah, he's sucking on her wound or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Different strokes.

It's going to be truly a very special night. I bought two tickets because I was worried that we were going to run out before I could bring my friends. I'm excited. We have people doing things they've never done before. People singing songs. It is a full... Holiday extravaganza. I got a Christmas tree for the stage. It's going to be wonderful. It's going to be a lot of fun, and I can't wait.

And so I wonder if that, could he be sexually attracted to cars? Could he be looking for broken parts from a car? Could they be like trying to go get help and he's trying to steal parts from the car? Or is he a rampant murderer? Serial killer. I don't know. Could be anything. That's just fun. He seems like an aspiring murderer. Maybe he just likes crashes. He has a plan.

He could be just kind of like... Or if he just wants to be a hero. He could be a force weirdo. Yeah, there's plenty of those people. Remember the firefighters that lit the Gatlinburg fire forever ago? That's right. Because they wanted to look like the heroes that put it out, but they just burnt down the whole side of the mountain. I wonder if that's what happened with Dick Van Dyke.

Someone tried to kill him in Malibu. Someone tried to kill Dick Van Dyke? Well, they said his house got, there was the Malibu fire, so he almost died. Oh, no one's trying to kill Dick Van Dyke. We don't know what he's done. Also, by the way, if a chimney sweep can't get out of this thing, I don't know who can.

Dude, I saw the video, and I was just like, um, uh, I thought you would chimney your way out of here. I guess magic isn't real. I guess, no, he didn't. All right, so we got, all right, these are these stories. So nobody, we don't know what's going to happen. We're obviously, maybe we'll get an update on these, but this is a very, it's just strange.

Yes. God, feeling good. Yeah, you feel good? Yeah, I just got that dookie, man. That was a big one. Dude, I honestly... I almost had to call in Rob and be like, what do we do with this thing? Oh, that's what happened?

And if you do listen and you are the person, stop putting shit in the road. Sidestories, LPOTL at gmail.com. I got a bunch of ideas of what you could put in the road, though. Yes. What would you put in the road? Weed. Oh, man. You can't waste that shit, man. You can't waste that shit, man. That's God's gift. That's Jah, dude. Jah. I can't fucking give that up, dog. Oh, man.

I was watching a bunch of stuff on Rastas the other day. Oh, I love them. They're very interesting. Have you ever met them? They're very surprisingly violent. They're very intense. Yes. Very intense. And I was reading this one guy. He's been working on his lock his whole life. But that weed that they're smoking in some of those Rasta communities, I feel like he would hospitalize me.

Well... Like, it's tar, right? Is it good weed? I am... Sidestorieslpotl at gmail.com. Do Rastafarians smoke the best weed? No. I'm going to say no. I will find out. I think that they smoke, what, Jamaican red. I also did not know that Rastafarianism was actually quite new. Yes. So was Jamaica. Yeah. Well, wow. Yeah. I learned a lot of stuff.

As a country, the land has always existed, at least for a couple billion years. Thank you, Mr. Scientist. No problem. Thank you. Oh, how far back do we have to go? No problem. Dr. Asshole. Mr. Geologist. All right. We don't want your geologist friend yelling at us again. No, Ellie, I'm sorry.

All right, do you want to then talk about this next one? I don't know which one you're pointing at because I got the couple who was divorced 12 times. I got the whole one. Oh, I love the whole. Let's do whole. Let's just look at this real quick. We got a double up whole story. For those of you who love using your two wholes, today the whole business is good.

So if the whole business is catching people, then business is definitely booming. Oh, yes. Tell us about your person catching a hole. So a two-year-old fell into a septic tank. Oh. Now, a two-year-old fell into a deep daycare train, trapped inside for an hour while teachers signed her out of class. I hate when kids are always playing Shawshank. Oh, yeah.

Came out through a river ship and came out clean on the other side. Now, according to the lawsuit, this girl, identified only as AB, is a student at Children's Lighthouse Daycare in Prosper. This is a suburb of Dallas. I looked up Children's Lighthouse, and they keep comparing themselves to Montessori schools, right? Like, I guess it was a Montessori school.

Come on out, and also check us out in Atlanta at the Coca-Cola Roxy, January 11th. This show's going to be fucking awesome. I can't wait for the show. There's still tickets left. Our side story show in Atlanta sold out. So if you want to see us in Atlanta, you got to go to the Coca-Cola Roxy and check out Last Podcast Proper. That's going to be on January 11th. Get those tickets.

And it says here, like, you know, but one of the things it says, you know, it says, what Lighthouse has is a modern curriculum design based on current brain research versus the Montessori approach, which is approach from 1906. to educate orphan children developing domestic skills. And then according here, the Lighthouse Pathways, what they have is a 15-foot shit-filled hole. Mmm.

A Montessori doesn't. Oh, see, I think they put the sorry in Montessori. Have you ever seen we dropped your kid in a puddle of shit? This is not a Montessori. Montessoris are actually innocent in this. They're innocent. Yes, yes. They put lids on their shitholes. They do. So on the afternoon of November 1st, the girl was out on the playground with the other children. She fell into a hole.

The cover, which said, danger, do not enter, fatal poison gas. But two years old, can't read. Can't wait. Sorry. Yeah. Sorry about that. I guess he needed adults to do that for her. Yeah. So the cover said, do not enter fatal poison gas. It flipped. Do they think that might have been flipped over or was replaced? Someone getting huffed. But someone put a cap right on top of where the child was.

Now, defendants were responsible for assuring the premises were safe, especially knowing full well the children's ages 2 to 6 were present and active on the premises. And at some point, about 4 p.m., the teacher took the children inside and unknowingly left A.B. inside the cover hole to quote-unquote fend for herself.

Now, he checked her out of the—I guess now in school, what they do is, which I did not know. Talk about the—this is—what a sad state we're in, which is— At the beginning of every class, I believe now they have to online click in their attendance and that if you don't make a class, it then sends a notification to your parents. So what it'll do is that they click you in automatically.

And so their parents got a message saying the girl had been checked out of the room in the middle of the day. And her father said, what was going on? Why wasn't she in there? And some person not named answered the phone. They believe they think it was the owner, Angela Wolf. And she said, oh, that was a glitch. Kid's definitely here. Gotta be here. Yeah.

And so the father had his wife head to the daycare to check on his daughter. And that's when they realized she was nowhere to be seen. And that that's when they found her in what they're called a big, watery, swampy mess of fecal matter and all other kinds of things. Because she'd fallen into what they called a drain next to the splash pad. But the lawyers say it's a septic tank. Yeah.

And so she was flopping around in there. She was cold to the touch, shivering. Her lips were blue. Her fingernails were blue. Poor girl. Which is not a, no one likes that. No one wants to turn into Veruca Salt. And the hole was filled with dirty, cold water. But she said, the dicker employees were like, hey, she was only in there for five or ten minutes. Okay. That's what they were trying to say.

Yeah, she was in the septic tank. Five minutes. Anybody can do it. I'll go in the septic tank for five minutes. How much is this going to cost us? Further investigation revealed the girl was trapped for probably closer to an hour. Yes, and another student told the teacher responsible.

Oh, yes, and the teacher just straight up took another child's word for it when her friend said her father had came and picked her up. Wow. Because the kid didn't know. And they said you could hear her screaming coming from the pipe. But we should be so lucky. Because at least this little girl was found an hour later. Yes. Because she's not dookie. They realized she wasn't a dookie.

Great Christmas present. I'll see you in Atlanta.

This school's going to be over. Oh, yeah. No, I mean, it's not even a school. It's a daycare. Yeah, it's Texas, so they don't care. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we'll see. But she is technically the lucky one. Yes, because in Calgary, a man spent three days stuck in a well. Stuck in a well. Fell down a well. And why, Eddie? Why was he stuck in this well? We'll be right back. We'll be right back.

You have a whole night. You get to go up to, I believe it's in Marietta. Which is outside of Atlanta. Technically. It's far. It's a bit far. It's a bit far. But it's definitely, you know. But spend the evening out there.

Lou Chuni, a young Chinese national, was doing the forest on the border between Thailand and Myanmar. Oh, so this wasn't in Calgary. It was just coming from a Calgary news site. Between Thailand and Myanmar, somehow fell into an abandoned well on the outskirts of a small village. They said he was trekking through the woods when he fell into the 12-meter-deep

hole sustaining serious injuries i'm not a ghost a fractured wrist a cerebral concussion and he started to yell for help as loudly as he could but hours passed days passed oh yeah he said he was running out of energy and he said he was like i need to conserve my energy so he was like once an hour

i'll yell for help yeah and so he waits and then it was like once every five hours he's like i'll yell for help now meanwhile like all his helps nearby villagers stayed away because they're afraid of being attacked by spirits now imagine if it's like you get out and that's the reason you're like everyone fucking heard me oh yeah dude and first they're gonna be like

Yeah, because you would be excited to see a ghost. Of course. Oh, hey there, ghost. I'd say hello to the ghost. And then he's not a ghost, but it's also like, what if they just started filling it in? Oh, no. He's like, I'm not a ghost. Oh, that's what a ghost would say. It only took 30 minutes for him to get out of the well, but he was very emancipated. Emaciated. He was emancipated from the well.

Don't drive drunk home. No. Please don't. Drive drunk there. Sober up during the show and fall asleep on the way home while you're looking for. Don't drones. Yes. Don't drive drunk. And now we're going to talk about the drones for a second. Yeah. Just for a little bit of a second. Yeah. Because Henry refuses to talk about it. Well, nothing's going on, Eddie. Yeah?

Yes, yes. Yes, but three days without food and water.

Absolutely, and that's a really good way. Now what's nice about the mother of that child is what they can do from then on. The one that got caught in the septic tank. You can be like, well, some people in Thailand get caught in a well for three days. Yeah, you were just in a pile of shit for an hour.

I've just been around my mom for so long because that's how you turn a tragedy into somebody has done something wrong. It's called a New York mother's mindset.

Oh, I was in a well for seven days. And I had nothing. I didn't have my blood pressure medication. I didn't have my embroidery.

I was raped by a mayor. He's in charge. What am I supposed to do, huh? Oh, Mr. I was in a well for an hour. Oh, I was cold. I was covered in shit. I don't know why that made me laugh. All right. A couple who was married and divorced 12 times in 43 years are investigated for fraud. They found, this is love.

This is true love, and this Austrian couple found a crazy ass loophole to, I don't know how much I agree or disagree with this. Let's talk about it. Yeah, what is the loophole? The loophole. All right. So Vienna, Austria, these people were divorced 12 times in a period of 43 years.

The truth is the elderly couple is suspected of having arranged every divorce strictly on paper so the wife could receive 27,000 euros severance pay. She was awarded after her first husband's death in 1981. See, in Austria, like if your husband dies and you're a widow, they give you a payout every three years. Whoa.

it's like a nice thing that is nice it's called what that's a liberal country yeah yeah it's but when she got married again every time that this three years was about to come up her and her husband who everyone knew and loved and knew them as a couple they would secretly get divorced on paper collect the money and then get remarried right afterwards honestly this is

so romantic yes that like it's just not only it's so nice because you get the fucking what's this but you get the other weddings you get to do it and you're celebrating your love this must be like also think about as a married if like of all of my other marrieds out there you're trying to kind of figure out right like what do we do together sometimes like what's something we could do together and like insurance fraud

Yeah. That's a lot of work. I mean, this is why 13 is an unlucky number, because this is how many times they had to do it until they finally got caught. Well, they're both old now, too, right? Oh, yeah. No, absolutely. They're really going to arrest these guys. They already made a whole career out of it. They are figuring it out, but it seems to me like what they did was legal.

What do you mean nothing's going on? Don't you understand? It's just planes. Oh, yeah? And we're idiots. You're a fat idiot. I know. I'm a getting fatter idiot. Yes. And... Post-fat, re-fatting. Getting back to fat again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm in my Oprah Winfrey phase three. Yeah, this is like the fourth episode in the sequel. Yes. It's the grand fattening of Henry Zebrowski.

Well, yeah, it's a loophole. It's a loophole, but... It's like getting fucked in your butt so you can keep your pussy virginity. Yes, I guess. Yeah, Henry, it's exactly the same. But they... No, but yeah, so they're trying to charge him with fraud and they are in trouble. But in my opinion, it's not fraud. Now they're changing the law so you can't do this anymore. That's the thing.

That's the reason why they have the warnings and the changes that they do. You know what I mean? Like, that's why every single like how many stupid how many stupid warnings you see, like you see on a hairdryer or don't use in baths. You know what I mean? It's because it's happened so many times that people died doing something stupid that eventually you have to do it.

Like, these are why there are loopholes. Yeah. And then they got to try to get them. Well, the investigation revealing that what their case is, they're saying they never moved. They always shared the same household, cooked together, and even shared the same bed the whole time, and they have proof of it. So they're saying that they never actually got divorced. That's so...

cute it's very cute that's so that's true love can you imagine that because also like it's kind of sexy right like you just got fake divorced from your wife who you're still in love with i mean it's really not that much money it's thirty thousand it's ten thousand dollars a year i mean you know it's good it's good money to be paid to love yeah you know that's enough you know think about that think how sexy that is it's a nice bonus you're fake divorced for a little while and so it's like then you can kind of cheat on each other with each other

Yeah. And then you can kind of do the thing where like, ooh, well, I'm single. Or like, ooh, we're divorced. We shouldn't do this. Like, that's fucking awesome, right? That's hot. They received... And they must look like little sausages. They're from Vienna. $341,000 in severance payments over 43 years. You know, it's just government money. It was going to be spent anyway. Yeah. Right?

I don't really see the victim here. I don't know where the victim is. That's the reason why I'm saying it so lightly. I mean, well, the victim is the system, this nice system that they put in place to help people. But it's why we can't have nice things. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But the thing is, you know, I look at this like when I look at people like, oh, the welfare, they're taking advantage of the welfare. It's like, yes, there are people who take advantage of it, but that number is so small. Yes. Are we going to take away it for everybody now? Also, the money was already gone. Yeah. It's already gone. It's already spent.

If you can figure out a way to get free money from the government, I applaud you.

Because it is one of those, it's difficult to do. And a lot of times, it's its own job. Yes. So their 12th divorce was not recognized by the Austrian authorities, and the couple will face the accusations together. Well, that again, and is there anything hotter than that? Hmm. Having to go to court together. And they should be kissing and making out. That's what I would do.

Be like the new Bonnie and Clyde. Oh, yeah. And they go in there and they just, like, she'll flash the police and be like, you're only seeing these one time. And then, like, he comes out and he's like, that's my wife. And they have to fight together.

keep each other apart in court every single time they're always making up every time they run to each other the police have to stop them pull them apart as they're making out with each other being like I'll always love you I've divorced you 12 times and I'll divorce you again you're Hitler's niece I know who you are This article comes to us from Oddity Central, a wonderful website.

It just said dog refuses to give birth. Does it make any sense?

And I... The final fattening, probably. Hopefully. Hopefully. And why would I talk about something that's not happening? Yeah, well, because a lot of it apparently is done by humans. Two people arrested for flying drones dangerously close to Boston Airport. Well, they're stupid. Yeah. Well, I mean, honestly, what the fuck are you doing? They're literally trying to cause trouble.

That's so weird. Why are you just looking at it? It's just a big pregnant dog. Why do they have that at the bottom of this article? That's very strange. AI is bad for everyone. Oh, God. I think it's time for some listener emails. Oh, I see. When the listeners email us. I do, too. Now, this one I love because I talked about this. I paraphrased this, but I want to show people that this is real.

Okay. I got this email. I wanted to share what we have had to have an impromptu school assembly about. For context, I'm an art teacher at an elementary school somewhere in Ohio. Recently, third graders were caught playing Diddy Tag. Oh, God. Diddy Tag is like normal tag, except you have to hump the tagger to get untagged. I'm sorry. Not laughing. No, no, it's funny. It's a sticker.

It is objectively funny. It's a sticker. It's objectively funny. It's a sticker. This was the breaking point for our overworked principal to call in all of second to fifth grade into the gym to subsequently ban all things related to P. Diddy. Before this, students would casually say, no Diddy, in response to things they considered sus.

There would be free Diddy chants, references to freak-offs and baby oil and so many more. It was honestly scary how much these kids knew in reference to Sean Combs. Thankfully, the Diddy references have subsided, but I can only imagine what the new thing will be when we are back from winter break. And so I just think that's... Kids are unbeaten. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? They are undefeated.

Kids just fucking... No problems. Tell me about it, friend. Fucking tell me about it. I don't know where to park my Bentley on top of my other Bentley. Come on!

Henry, use your dental dam, please. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It helps you calm down. This is why you have to check out the videos on YouTube. You really do. Because you don't know what I'm doing. All the way. The dental dam is going to be your new pan flute. I love my pan. I love my dental dam, man. Anytime I feel it coming on. It's going to come and you're going to be chewing on it.

five six or seven of these this morning it's like me and marcus has got his pile of chewed up nicotine gun i saw him take a chewed he had a piece in his mouth he took one out he had a pre-chewed one on the back in his mouth you don't have to re-chew the gum just like there's some more in there There's more in the pack. There's more in the pack, too. You do it. You get between him and his gum.

I'm not getting between him and his gum. I'm saying just don't chew the gum that's already chewed. I dare you to try to keep the gum from his mouth. I mean, I think I can really speak to him because you know that half my family is chewish. I'll allow it. That's funny. That's... You fucking piece of shit. All right, one more listener email. One more listener email.

I've been debating on sending this email for a few years now. The first ever episode of Last Podcast that blessed my ears was episode 426, The Dangerous UFOs of Brazil. And I immediately felt right at home. Oh, when they were straight up attack people. Yes. Yeah. But to get to the point, to not make a long story short, I saw some weird shit in the sky.

This is around 2014 in butt-fucking Egypt, southern Indiana. That's two different places. BFE, you know. I was 19, 20 and stole... How do you think Egypt feels about the fact that everyone says they're butt-fucking? I think I think that hopefully they're blissfully unaware, but if you do tell them, they will ask you for $100. Excuse me, is this butt-fucking Egypt? Actually, yes.

So the last week, obviously, I went into we got we had a kind of a serious moment last week. We talked about the health care shooter. We talked about this actual serious problem with drones. But I do like and I am open. to a human explanation. We have said already, are these things flying all over the eastern seaboard?

All right, so this is, I don't know. Sorry, I'm sorry. You did this to me. I was 19 and 20, and I stole about five Miller Lights out of my dad's fridge and headed to a friend's house to be young and dumb. Absolutely. She happened to live quite far away from me, right out of town. So I was on a rural highway on my way to some crusty back roads. There's nothing there.

And the one business that was probably more than five miles, but less than 10 miles away from her house was a log yard. That helps you picture the nothingness that is this area where this happens. Speaking of butt-fucking Egypt, going to the log yard. Tell me about it. You just left the log yard in the fucking downstairs shitting bathroom. That's our solids bathroom. Yes.

I was probably a good ten minutes away from our house and speeding so that my beers wouldn't get warm. And yes, I was sober. But he is right.

Listen, I'm sober as hell. Don't you want me drunk? There was an older truck that I got caught up with and they were driving at an excruciatingly slow pace. After I got maybe a little too close, they started to speed up dramatically. So I sped up as well. And as soon as the next curve in the road approached, I noticed a light in the air. At first, I thought it was a streetlight.

It was close to that level and thought that was strange considering there are none on this particular stretch of road. But then immediately when I looked right at it. There were four lights horizontally on one object that appeared to just be hovering above a tree.

I immediately slammed on my brakes, the truck in front of me swerved but kept going, and I just sat in the middle of the road, unable to move or think or breathe. There were no sounds or movements, and I was paralyzed for what seemed like an eternity. Classic no thought, head empty moment.

While in this state, still not comprehending what I see, the object, I now figured out what they mean by cigar shape. Move from a horizontal position to a completely vertical one. No movement forward or backward or up or down, and still no sound. It stayed like that for a moment, then started to move forward, along a tree line, still completely vertical. This is a very wooded area.

It would have to only be a few feet above the trees. It disappeared! So I drove up to the point where I would have been directly under it to try to see where it had gone. But there was nothing. No movement in sight. I waited and kept inching forward to see if I could see it anywhere, and after a few minutes, and realizing how identified this thing really was, I drove away quickly.

I started shaking and crying, full on hyperventilated to the point where I had to pull over. I called my friend who was on my way to see and I choked out the experience through sobs. She screamed, no, don't tell me that shit. I just saw a military plane fly over the house five minutes ago. And then she made me promise not to talk about it.

She was equally spooked and I always got the vibe she saw more than a military plane. I told my dad the next day and he laughed at me. I have always been on the fence about telling other people because them genuinely think that you're crazy, which maybe I am, but not that kind of crazy. They were terrified, right? I spoke to a friend who was an engineer, and he said it might be just a drone.

Well, my favorite thing is every time I see a news story about it, it's always like the government says most of them are human flown. And it's like, most? You can't say the word most. They won't even give us the credit of lying to us anymore. They won't even just make up a reason of what's happening. Just make it up. Because at this point, you're just saying, I don't know. I don't know.

So I researched as much as I could about drones and types of drones and military planes and drones, and I couldn't find anything even remotely resembling what I saw, along with the fact that there was absolutely no sound. That made me feel sure that I definitely saw something I wasn't supposed to see.

Whether it was advanced top-secret military technology or extraterrestrials, it wasn't meant for me to see. And one of the most perplexing things about it to me, which is why was it in this area? The few people who live close by are a mix of simple country folks and weirdos who do meth. There are really very few small little farms, but nothing else at all.

With everything going on currently, it kind of feels like validation to me. And I wanted to share my experience. I do believe, and that's what they say here, and I like the sentiment they end with. Whatever theory you believe, there's just so much that we don't know, and it really feels like something is happening right now where we may just find out some of those things.

I really hope we do, but that fear, unsettling feeling of not knowing what is out there, It's very haunting, which is why we're at where we're at, is that, again, it's not the it's aliens. They're coming to kill us or it's Iranians coming to kill us or Russians coming to kill. I mean, it's not Chinese people coming to kill us. It's more of the it's the non answer in the vacuum that it leads.

And what is that? And that leads to people conjecturing and getting scared. And at this point, they are just too much of the government, meaning they are pussies and they don't want to. they want to make it solid. They don't want to make it solid. And they won't. They have to know what it is. We're just heading into a phantom zone, everybody. Just know that.

We're not going to know a heck of a lot of what is real and what is not real. Do old UFO sightings still matter? Yes. Yeah? Yeah, I do. I think so. Yes. You think so? I think that whatever we're looking at is, it's all, it's mysterious. And it's everything. It's all of it. Every single bit of it. And you have still seen nothing. Zero. Personally. I've seen videos. You've seen videos.

You've seen them. I've seen the videos that you see. Yeah. So I live every day knowing that one day I will see something. And when I do, I will not, I'm not going to say anything. Did you see the one? Because I'm going to love holding my secrets to myself. Yeah. I'm going to love to know the fact that I know that aliens exist myself and no one else will.

And I'll laugh to myself every once in a while. I'll just laugh knowing that I know the truth and everybody else is sucking a big fat egg. Did you see the one with the orb shooting down the drone? I did. What do you think about that? Nothing, Eddie. It was nothing. Okay, cool. It must have been something stupid that we are stupid about. I love being stupid. Yep, you are.

I'm stupid too. Oh my God. And we don't know what it is because you look at it, but I'll tell you what, it's not something important because we haven't heard about it. Amen. You know? And I think that's important to remember. Yeah. It hasn't killed anybody. It hasn't killed anybody. And that's the bar.

That's the bar we set for the man that went to Uzbekistan and we have to set that same bar for the government. At least they're not shooting us with it. Yeah. They might. Who knows? But we don't know. We're not there yet. Not there. We will not die a thousand deaths until the day comes. When we die the one big death. Oh, yeah. Getting one of those War of the Worlds nets underneath the testicles.

Remember when the big robots in War of the Worlds, they had those scrotums? And they held everyone in the scrotums and shit and all that stuff. And they had to cut out of it like it was Star Wars. We're all going to be inside a sacrifice. Jackaballs. Hell yeah, man. I fucking love that shit. Let's go to patreon.com slash lastpodguessandleft and give us money while the world still exists. Oh, yeah.

Because money's not going to matter for way too much longer, but we'll take it. And then you go to lastpodguessandleft.com, buy our live tickets. You are going to like our live show. It is fun as fuck. We are better than ever. Our live show is great. It's really, it's on fire right now. New York was nuts. Over 2,000 people came to that fucking show. That was crazy. It was wild.

I don't know what it is. Oh, you don't know what it is? You don't know what it is. You shot a thing about over the tundras of Alaska. You found a thing the size of a car in the middle of the sky, and you shot it out of the sky instantly. We have no idea what the visible... Well, you can't shoot this shit out of the sky. New Jersey is the most densely populated state in America.

And Atlanta's going to be crazy. All the shows next year are going to be nuts. I'm excited to go to Dallas. I've never been to Dallas my whole life. I've never been to Atlanta my whole life. Deep Ellum is wonderful. We're going to eat at Kimball House. I also was, there was another one, another restaurant I got that just closed, which is pretty great.

I can't, I'm going to whine and die on your ass.

Slap you in. Just so you can fucking feed me. Slap you out. We're going to go to Homegrown, man. Ever been to Homegrown? No, you haven't been to Atlanta. No, I've... Homegrown is the best breakfast in the country. Only thing I did in Atlanta was cocaine during a Tom Petty concert. Well, we're not going to be doing any cocaine, Eddie. Certainly not at a Tom Petty concert.

No, because we'd have to do that in heaven. Which we will do, because that's when I'll do cocaine, is in heaven. Yeah. Because I don't trust it here on Earth. Because you know Jesus is holding that good shit. Thank you, Jesus. Don't make me constipated. Oh, and check out LPN Funhouse. Oh, yes. LPN Funhouse this weekend is going to be amazing. Twitch.tv Thursday. So tomorrow.

Twitch.tv slash LPN TV. I don't know what the fuck is going to happen. We're on it. No, we've agreed to be there, and I'm very nervous, to be honest with you. This is Holden and Jackie's baby. I ain't doing pain. No, I'm not doing pain. That's the only thing I'm not doing. I'm not getting shocked. Don't put me in a situation where I got to look like a pussy and say no.

Because I will look like a pussy and say no. Yeah, you are going to. Yeah. And we are going to break the improv rules. And I'm saying, you're not going to shock me. Yeah. You're not hitting me with that taser. Yeah. It's yes and until you don't have to anymore. But I'll do whatever else is in their crooked little minds. But LPN Funhouse is going to be a fucking blast. Come check it out.

It is, I believe. Yeah. What time is it? And we're not raising money for anybody, right? Nothing. Thank God. 5 p.m. PST. 5 p.m. PST. It starts on the Twitch and we are going to get it again. I think they might be giving to charity. We're trying to figure out something. I don't know what we're doing because I don't know if we're making money on it. I think it's good to do something not for charity.

I think... Hey, good old money maker. We need. But hey, it'll go to your Christmas bonuses. Yeah, fuckers. Is that happening? You're giving away bonuses? Not you. Oh.

all right fuckers um see you in hell hail satan see you next week see you after the break next week we'll be gone we'll be back there'll be there'll be a show that comes out on christmas there'll be an episode yes oh yes there will be an episode on christmas yeah and then there will be an episode and then we're coming back so we'll be back yeah all right so it's like we're not gone yeah well we might be a day late no no no okay the day will arrive and the show will come out

Hail Satan, everyone. Hail the aliens. Don't kill your family this Christmas. No, please don't. And if you do, make sure it's an accident. Leave. Just leave. Yeah, or go down with the ship. Really, like, spend some time with that lady first. Really. Just almost out of the show without, like, fucking getting ourselves in trouble. So close. Yeah. Don't kill your family.

You can't just be shooting shit out of the sky. It's going to kill somebody. It's getting very complicated because over the last week since we've covered this, number one, we've had a full crash. of one of these so-called drones. A couple crashes, right? Yes, in New Jersey neighborhoods. A friend of mine, literally my friend Sandy, sent me a message saying like, look at this.

Because they said that there was a 2.5 earthquake in Montecito.

Literally blocks from the drone falling from the sky. Government came, scooped it up, nothing happened. Must be commercial. We don't know. They keep saying we don't know. If you watch all of this, I also am seeing a lot of debunking, which I actually truly appreciate because it's a very scary story. And so there are a lot of people pointing out, especially if you go into any sort of

aviation subreddit. They are showing that some of the stuff we are seeing, they are planes. There's planes. Now people are staring up in the sky. They have loosened drone regulations around New Jersey, so things are going up in the sky. Also, where a lot of this is happening in New Jersey is around these Air Force bases. We have things flying in and out, maybe stuff we don't know.

So I thought that's what it was. I thought that that's what that rumble was. Man, shit's so big, I almost had to buy it a Christmas present.

One great listener sent me an email, which I thought was interesting, is that, you notice, number one, we don't hear from any professional drone operators. There's nobody talking to people that run high and very, very large drones. Right. So this guy, someone emailed me that works within the drone industry.

And they said, I've worked with small publicly available drones to very large eight rotor drones capable of lifting large cinema cameras that are about six feet in diameter. I have also seen those drones used for survey and geospatial work equipped with LIDAR and other sensory equipment.

In my opinion, there's no way that these large drones that people are that are just not just large drones that people are flying around. Large drones have a very limited flight time, even without a payload. They use a very large lipo battery, I guess, of the size and weight of bricks, and they don't last very long.

Drones of this size have to come down for battery swaps often, and the footage doesn't seem to reflect these short flight times. They aren't. They're sticking up in the sky. We don't know what they are. What I find really interesting is the fact that maybe, okay, FAA and drones. This is another one. Great email. that I do think is interesting.

One thing that this guy puts on, which I think is fast, it could be right. It's like, uh, there's some stuff you can go to maiman aerospace.com, uh, where you could see some of these more experimental actual drones. And one other one that is called the tarot dynamics XP four trans wing, which is a drone that is high.

wow you know honestly what that should do for you besides make you late to record fucking great i now after the fact i thought that shit was so big i came wow what a great way to start our christmas episode of side stories this is lead up to christmas this is yeah honestly it's still the godless december yes it's not christmas yet this is godless december it's Bills are due. Bills.

It's kind of in the middle of being worked on right now, which I guess they're trying to say that this is a soft launch that they're doing in public, which they don't do. But still, this this concept of it's a drone that goes up and has rotors that switch for it to go horizontal or vertical. So the rotors themselves switch. So the plane does it. The drone itself does change shape.

So you could see maybe that explains why some of the things look like they're changing shape. Yeah, I could see that. But again, now it seems like they're just throwing drones up willy nilly. One thing that's important to know is that with civilian drones, you literally because most of them we get are from China. They cannot enter restricted airspace if you want them to. Yeah. They fall down.

They literally are built to not be able to go into protected airspace. Oh, really? Yes. They go up and they literally fall out of the sky. Anything you can just buy. Anything you can just buy on Amazon. Wow. So they have, what, GPS on them once you go somewhere? There are no-no spots they can't go to. Interesting. I never knew that before. And that's why they fall down.

So that's also a wonder if people are just throwing themselves up. But then there's a lot of talk about, is it Russian intelligence-seeking? That's a big thing. But why would they be testing it all the way over here? They'd be testing it over in fucking Bosnia or some shit. Because they're not, Eddie. But that's literally one of those... I don't believe that. I don't believe that either.

And I'm looking for a human explanation. So what I did get was like, I actually really like this one. This is really good. So I got someone... They work in the craft industry. This is someone who works in the aerospace industry, manufacturing. The New Jersey stuff struck me differently for a few reasons. The craft or sedan size.

That's just smaller, the most fixed-wing aircraft-carrying people that can carry people, but much larger than commercially available quadcopters and drones. While many of you have the lights. This is what people are saying a lot of why they're misidentified as planes and people who don't know what's going on.

While many UAP sightings have to do with the lights, the lights on this craft appear to be very much like conventional aircraft, specifically the red and green wingtip lights and forward landing lights. So mostly drones don't have lights. These ones are outfitted with lights that would maybe make you think it's a plane, almost like they're trying to disguise the fact that they are drones.

Or are they some kind of... This is the most wackadoo explanation, which is that they are some form of organic life that is looking... and trying to look like a plane. Okay, that makes sense. But that's also, that's the most far-flung ridiculous explanation. And this is what they're saying too. Flight tracking. The craft are real. We now know that. Yeah. The stuff that's flying around is physical.

Why isn't the FAA not known? Why can't they just say we are unleashing? This is like a drone exercise. They could just say whatever they want, but they won't. They won't say what it is. So that's the actual mystery here. It is no longer whether these are aliens or not. I don't know if they are aliens or not. And actually, I don't think the answer particularly matters.

I think the only thing that matters now is. So all this stuff's going on and you're just going to go up in there and you're gaslighting me. Like the government's gaslighting us, telling us we're crazy. And they're like, nothing's happening. Oh, whatever. And then you can see people on the internet absorb it. Right. And they go like, oh, it's just planes. Everybody's stupid.

And you're like, it's bigger than planes. It is. There's something happening. We don't know what it is. Yeah. Rob, I just sent you a thing on Instagram, if you want to say. I forgot. I saved this video like a year ago for our stream. And I just remembered it while you were talking to me that this exists. And check a look at this. Do you think that this could be what's going on?

Taxes are coming. That's right. Welcome to Side Stories. We have ads to do. You must listen. You have to get them. Do not skip. Actually, do whatever you want. Do whatever you want. My name is Henry Zabrowski. I'm sitting here with Ed Larson. Hello. I'm big. Hey, Henry, before we get started, we got a gift. Remember, I went to see my dentist today. Yeah. Oh, and was she happy with you?

There's these drones. It's called the Jetson-1 drones. Oh, I thought you were going to send me something that was just like a big, like, old gay man sucking his own dick. Oh, yeah. Well, that's what my boys from Florida have been sending me. It's like, oh, they got another drone. It's just like the guy with the huge dick. Yeah, yeah. I do like that, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I like that and some misinformation. What happened to Lemon Party? It's still out there, right? So this is the first affordable EV toll on the market. No pilot's license required in the U.S. Look at this thing. This could be something that we're seeing. This is sedan-sized. It's got no fucking lights on it.

Why, why? Why does it have no lights? I mean, it's also during the day. These things are solid. You don't see a person inside of them. We'll talk about this. I do think that... This is also like a year and a half ago. Our aerospace engineer listener who sent us that email does say, which I do believe, the government is constantly working on a series of flying craft...

That don't look like stuff we're used to seeing. Yeah. So there could be some of that. I feel like now, to be honest, they're just throwing stuff up in the sky because they can't. Well, now everyone is. Now everybody is. So now, just like the Luigi Mangione story, it's just another story that is entering into the ass end of the news cycle and will be... It's just going to be over.

Do you think we'll still be talking about this in 2025? If it's still happening, which it might be. Yeah. Because it's not stopping. And it continues to actually spread and get weirder. Well, it's all over the country now. It is all over the country. They've been seeing it in California. They've been seeing it in New Mexico. I have emails from Arizona, Ohio, Portland, Washington, D.C., Arizona.

Ohio is the aviation capital of America. Yes, I have been. You know, the Wright brothers are from Ohio. North Carolina tries to claim them because that's where the flight was. But the Wright brothers are from Ohio. I like the wrong brothers better. I bet you do. Yeah, because they invented cornholing. Yeah, they love it. Yeah, yeah. Pulling a man's pants down while he's asleep in his asshole.

I love the wrong brothers. Yeah. All right. These are the ones that you, they were the ones that first told me about a dental dam. Because they never used them. Was that cherry flavored? It was, you know, it did have a cherry flavor, but I think my gums are bleeding. We have another update. We're going to get out of here. We're going to get out of this thing.

Also, I will say, I know that we're in the pocket with something like the Luigi Mangione story when we get angry emails from both sides. That's how we know we're good. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, we're right in there, which is good. Literally, everyone's just like, you can't support him. You have to support him. It's so funny. Yeah, yeah, it's so funny.

And I'm proud of that. Y'all know me. But I will say I'm happy for the people that have sent me emails that are just people that are receptionists at these various health care places that are the ones receiving the brunt of the death threats. As you can see, they're setting up the NYPD, setting up their own hotline for CEOs to call just in case they're scared.

She was happy. Because we did bleep her name out. Yes. Several times. But then I believe in the YouTube replay, we didn't. Yes, I think that's what the problem was. Yes, because now she found out. Yeah. She's a great dentist. Wonderful dentist. Honestly, my teeth were a mess and now they're doing great. Elegant woman. Yes. Very picturesque woman. I met her.

Because you don't want a CEO to be scared. Oh, my God. You should be calling. You're a CEO. I've been calling everyone I can. You should call. Don't label me with that. I'm not a CEO. I'm a grassroots mayor. I'm a mayor of podcasting. Is some guy with a shitty podcast going to come off you? No. No. You don't know. You never know. You never know, Eddie. You really don't. Honestly, Eddie.

Let's up your security. I want some real security in this fucking place. Do we need more death threats? Oh, my God. I would love some guns around the place. I mean, well, you know, everyone's saying no. Everyone's told me. Rob's got finger guns. He's saying yes. I don't want guns. I want robotic dogs. I want the Boston Dynamic Dog. That's what I want. That's a great idea. I've been asking.

And then we have a... So we don't know. Again, that could be completely false. But it's fun. And that's really all we're here for, isn't it? Yeah. So now Green Beret, I asked last time about the Green Berets, what's the difference between Green Berets and SEALs.

Long story short, I got a great email that was someone who was a Beret sister, someone who's a sister to a Green Beret, related to a Green Beret. That's close enough. And basically have said that Green Beret training is...

Yeah. It's not going to taste like liquid shit. I mean, all of his coffee tastes delicious. None of his coffee tastes like shit. You're right. Yeah. That's why we sell it. Spring Hill Jack coffee. Exclusively through Last Podcast on the left. That's why we do this. Oh, really? That's why we join with them. They have to buy it through our website? No. They can go to him and buy it, right?

seal training but intelligence so the i thought this was really um a seal train a seal friend of hers a navy seal okay uh described the differences between the green beret and the seals in this way a seal is going to sneak in your village at night break down your door do what they need to then disappear into the night to return to base and shower the green berets move into your village learn the language and customs become a member of the community

Then break your door down and do what they have to do before disappearing into the night and move to another village. Rinse and repeat. So they are intense. They're a more intelligence-driven version of the seals. Technically, it seems that the berets are sort of above the seals. But I did not know that. That's very interesting. I like green berets more now.

Oh, I do, too, because they have to do more research. I thought it was a seal guy, but, you know, that's just brute force. Yeah, obviously. And obviously, you know, also, anybody that can snag Heidi Klum gets a couple points in my book. Amen. Amen. Missed that seal. Missed him so much. Salute.

Oh, is there a drone update? No. No one knows, right? It's over. We reached out to Nap to talk drones. He says, I'm no expert, but we are going to follow up with him. We are going to be talking about it. Because we're like, oh, you're not?

Oh, yeah. And so we are going to talk with him about drones. But they don't know shit. No, we don't know jack shit. Nothing happened. No one knows about the drones. Even the top UFO guys don't know shit about the drones. I'm still getting footage.

Oh, it's still happening? But it's just not at the level that it was. It hit a peak. It's a flap. No one cares anymore. They call it a flap for a reason.

People are stupid. But also Los Angeles is a town of creatives. Yes, that's the thing. So as soon as you give us something to take pictures of, we're going to take a lot of pictures of it. Oh my God, how many furious fire screenplays were written this weekend? Oh, there's so many.

Like the guy being like, how many things about a story about the fire, killing his ugly wife, and then he gets to go be with a 20-year-old professional diver. He's like, that's one story. My big thing is, I'm waiting for the movie about... The drag racing that was happening Tuesday and Wednesday when the storm was happening. Because all the cops were gone. Everybody was gone. The city was on fire.

And people were just drag racing up and down the 101. That did sound fun. That did sound insane. But it did. Because it was the first time I heard Natalie. She's like, I can't believe they're drag racing. I was like, they're the freest guys I know. To be honest. If I wasn't locked down. I'd be right with them, man, with the flag. Yeah, at least they're drag racing away from the fire. Yeah, dude.

I'd be wearing my little crop top. Like, what's her name? What was the girlfriend in Fast and the Furious? Michelle. Michelle Rodriguez. That's me. She had a bad attitude. She was. She was a little bit sour face, but that's what made her sexy. Yes. Oh, no, no. Very attractive. I liked her because of her bad attitude. We all did. Yeah. That's why people liked her. She was the furious. She was.

They can directly, yes. But don't buy it from him. Buy it from us. We get a piece. That we're working with. Yeah, we get a cut. It's a whole thing, Eddie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a whole merch angle. I love it. I love it. Well... Reptilian in the morning. I brought it with me when I left town to escape the fire.

She was the furious. Yeah. She really was. All right, let's do this first story about body parts. Oh, this is probably my favorite story of the week. All right, so this is from the Wichita Eagle.

A Wichita man stole human body parts and fetal corpses. Fetal corpses. Fetal corpses. When he worked at the Wesley Medical Center and then he sold them to somebody he met online. He was sentenced Thursday to 18 months in prison. Now, what's really...

shocking about this story i think to me uh both of us landed on the same thing same thing it's just so many things so this guy uh he pleaded guilty to june this is the guy angelo perera yeah he did it uh they sold fetal corpses and a partial foot a human heart slices of liver brain kidneys a spleen okay foot intestine pieces a testicle is there sides just so you He's a jar of toes.

Skin and fat, dried toes, and miscellaneous other organs. So he sold it to this other guy, right? All of that. He sold this to this guy, a guy by the name of Insanian. His name is literally Insanian. What is his first name? I don't have it right now. I'm sorry. Andrew Insanian, right? That is this guy. That is the guy who bought it all. Yeah. And so we looked at old stuff.

We were like, that's fucking crazy. Because obviously this is something that would make Marcus drool. Yeah, I know. I'm surprised he's not a suspect. He's talked about getting human remains before. I don't know how I got them. But this is one of those where you go and like, they bought whole fetuses. Entire? You're talking two wing, two leg, dark and white meat? Yeah.

This is where I'm buying whole fetuses, right? Guess what the bill was. I mean, I know the answer, but I... Guess what the bill was. If I were to guess, tell me what you think. Like an actual guess for that list that I just gave. All right, we got partial foot, two dead babies, a human heart, slices of liver, brain, kidneys, the whole thing. You got the whole tasting menu. I would guess $250,000.

I was going to say that. Dude...

That's so cheap. Shit. This guy, he got caught because he sold to the first better. Nah, dude. He got low ball. Yeah, man. And he did it over PayPal. He did it over PayPal and Facebook Market. And then he sent it through the postals office. He sent it through the mail.

See, what's fun about evacuating is that no one tells you is that when you're in the beginnings of the evacuation, the packing portions, is that one of the truly Sophie's Choice. I was, we were getting ready to go. We were thinking about going. We didn't evacuate. We did not end up evacuating. I only brought 100 DVDs. Well, dude.

can't believe that a fetus is just one fetus alone 20 grand i thought but you know what honestly i just think that they're a lot easier to get than we think it is yeah i mean apparently because they he squeezed him out like he got him from the medical center he stole them right from the whatever the the the waste area he stole them from wherever they were keeping them to study them yeah and then just like also i will say to the insane and the guy who bought them how do you know what you're getting

I mean, I think that's why he was able to pay so little. Wow. Yeah. But what do you do? You taste it? What do you do? You lick it? You smell it? How do you become a fetus? How do you buy it? What do you do with a dead fetus besides play football with it? Like, what else do you do? Is it just to keep your papers down on your desk? You put it in a jar and it's a conversation piece. You see that?

Yeah. Dead fetus. Yeah, it goes on the... You be the lady on the date. You don't put it on the coffee table, but the side table or a shelf? I couldn't help but notice your eyes were wandering to my dead fetus. You see that over there? Yes. That's my dead fetus, Quincy. Yeah. Would you like to make another? Would you?

Because there's nothing I like better than contributing to the collection of a genius.

Right? The best part about a fetus is that it's only in you for a little bit.

If you would, honestly, I'd prefer to do it outside of you.

Yes, I know you are, as am I. Ah, my delectable little petal. Ah, my delicious fruit basket. I'm so attracted to you. Kiss my features. Kiss Kinsey. Why is your car just a Ford Tempo? Because I am there. I'm always on the move. I'm the most brave man there is. I can't be found. Cannot be allowed to be pinned down, my dear. Kiss my fetus. You know what else drove me crazy about this whole thing?

And you better be what?

And you listen to me. If you even think about selling another pile of fetuses, it's all going to happen all over again, buddy. All right. So you be careful. All right. You have to wait till you do this literally three times before I do a significant sentence to you, buddy. All right. So you get this next one. Yes. You get one more. But then the next one. And it's just like, what is that 50 hours?

2,000 hours. That's significant time. Do you think it's at a daycare center so we could see what happens to a fetus if it blossoms? Yeah. I barely even think of fetuses as a baby. I don't think someone's a person until they're like 16.

I say 24. I don't think they count. 16 is garbage. Yeah, it's bad. It's a bad year.

It's because you haven't killed yourself by drugs then. You haven't found drugs cool enough to die by 27. That means by 28, you might be over it. Yeah. No, exactly. I mean, that's what happened to me. Yep.

Weed and acid and booze. Molly sometimes. No, I don't like the molly. But you would if you got a hold of it. When I was 28, I did. Yes, you did. Yeah. So this is one story. Nothing learned anything from that.

I started going through my graphic tees Natalie was like let's go let's pack bags right so she started going through and I went upstairs and I started folding and going through my my t-shirts yeah and I have a pile of meth syndicate I got a pile of studio house I got a pile of mishka I get a pile of my assorted other various like horror movie t-shirts of all the years I got my pile of I have a whole separate drawer of just offensive t-shirt shirts I can't wear

What does the guy who bought it get? He's also in trouble. Did he get any time?

Holy shit, these guys are all connected. This came from stories we covered like years ago.

But that's a fancy guy. These are low-level guys. This is a guy that we covered also on Side Stories. This is not the first time. We've covered these in Arizona. We've covered these in Harvard. We've covered these in Pennsylvania. These are stories that... This is really not... Strangely enough, it's not that uncommon. If you are going to buy... Body parts on the internet.

You're talking to a CIA agent. Not here. Actually, I think that you'd be surprised because a lot of it's pretty either innocuous or mixed within other taxidermies. And a lot of that stuff, no one's doing that in writing. Most people are not buying human bodies unless you are actively trying to buy an organ, which is something that people do, right?

Like people can go, you can buy an organ to put inside of you. Yeah, well, that's, I mean... You know, that should be allowed, I guess.

This is the guy with the two, he's got one side of his face tattooed and one of his eyeballs blacked out.

Oh, my God. That's a scary volunteer.

Yes, anybody who shows up looking like a Githyanki from Baldur's Gate 3 is very frightening. Your Baldur's Gate 3 references are getting out of hand. I'm just fucking... People don't know what the fuck it is. They do, though.

The people don't.

You're referencing something I have no clue what you're talking about. I get into hyperfixations and it's the only thing that I can talk about certain things because the rest of my time is spent working, researching for the job. Aliens is okay. You can reference aliens whenever you want. It falls under the shit. We have a lot of Baldur's Gate people. I have a lot of Baldur's Gate people.

What is this? Is this all the characters in Baldur's Gate?

Keep it there. I need to have one. Yes. Keep it there. I need to do something and it's not body cam footage. You want to talk about your gear? I like the gear. Yes. You know, but the anything, you know, but Baldur's Gate. But my whole life, I can't, you can't make a hobby out of fire gear. I don't want to hear, do you hear me talk about my fruit game that I play on my phone? That's different.

That's boring. I play my fruit game. It's not boring. I kissed.

I kissed a girl in my game. You kissed a girl in your game. I kissed a girl in my game.

See? It's stupid. No one cares about your games. See, for me, though, I think- People are going to love that. People like- They're going to like hearing that. They do like all of us. They like every bit of us. All right, here's a go. This is another one that I have a question about. All right. Pataskala. We're in good old-fashioned Ohio.

Did you, this place, oh, I just watched the Jerry Springer documentary on Netflix. Did you watch this? No. Was it good? It's interesting. I was busy watching Natalia Grace, which is stupid. Yeah, now we're in a, that's Jump the Shark. I'm done. Yeah, and so, but they call the thing called the Springer

Yeah. Like out, right? And then I have all, but then my gym t-shirts. But after the world is burned down, I feel like you can start wearing those. Yes. Yes, because then I feel like that would give people around me, they have to respect me, fear me. Exactly.

Triangle is what they called, which was from Ohio to Kentucky to Atlanta, which is where they got all of their guests. They joked about this thing, but it's like they get all of their guests, but they called the Springer Trials in Tennessee, Ohio. It's very funny. Okay, that makes a lot of sense. It's very interesting.

Also, the documentary really shows, I actually thought that Jerry Springer came up with the whole thing. He didn't. No. Where was it filmed? In Chicago. It was filmed in Chicago. Yeah, but it's interesting. Well, back to this. So, Pataskala, this woman in Ohio. This woman was mauled and killed by her neighbor's pigs on Christmas Day. On Christmas.

Now, Rebecca Vestergaard, 75, of Pataskala, she got attacked by two pigs that were roaming near her house. Now, when they came to her house, there was a welfare check. They were the neighbor's pigs.

But this is what I just don't particularly understand. So when they arrived, the police first thought that she had been personally eaten by the pigs. Now, we've heard this before, obviously, with Robert Pickton. And we've heard this before. People have disposed of bodies using pigs because pigs will just eat anything that's in there. But that's different. Yes. These are pigs attacking. Yes.

These are pigs. And these aren't wild pigs. These are domesticated pigs. Farm pigs. Yes. So they found her. At first they thought that she'd been eaten, but then they looked at her and they're like, no, it looked like they just kind of chewed her up. Yeah, and then she bled to death. And beat the fuck out of her and killed her. But my question is, is that why, what would make a random ass pig...

attack somebody because wild boars and wild pigs apparently they killed more people a year than sharks that makes sense i'd so i believe that wild pigs are extremely dangerous but just farm raised pigs like i don't know what would cause them to go crazy like that well there we don't know how these pigs were kept you know there's lots of there's lots of unanswered questions in this article but

Pigs get angry and then go take revenge against the world? Is there a fucking John Oink? Is he going out there to go fucking systematically bring his revenge against the neighborhood?

A pig can get like 400 pounds. I'm not doubting a pig's ability. I'm doubting its motive. I'm doubting its train of thought. Well, it's Christmas. Maybe they got angry about a ham.

How crazy would it be to be Jewish pig? Oh, my God. Think about that. Just your anachronism life. Everywhere you go. People are so, yeah. They kick you out of the synagogue. Yeah, you can't even, you can't have, you can't go to the deli. They kick you out of the fucking Anibat Mitzvah. You're poisoning them. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You think that the, you don't think that there's not Jewish pigs on Christmas Day? They don't feel left out? I think that maybe, just maybe. Something's got to be done about this?

Because what have we learned from Animal Farm? Some pigs are more, some animals are more equal than others. Yeah. So maybe these, to be honest, these extremely subjugated Jewish pigs are, they're screaming for help.

Wow, there's no excuse.

There's no excuse at all for those Jewish pigs to have done this to this woman. And I think that that's disgusting. And I'm upset. But I don't think that the Jewish people themselves should be blamed. I think we should look at the pigs. And I think that we should really just blame these specific pigs. Yeah, these two. And the guy who owned the pigs.

But I go into the, and I see all these piles of shirts and then I just imagine instead, what if I just die here? You know, like what if instead I just burn alive? That's how much you love your shirts. I couldn't. I didn't know what to choose. I started bringing them down to put them in the car. Obviously, I'm packing the convertible. Natalie's like, no, we're not taking the convertible.

Obviously, he wasn't able to keep them locked up. But he's not training them to kill. No, he's not. But he's reckless, obviously. What's reckless about it? It killed his name! It's pigs. Yes. But why did he think these are pigs? If they were Rottweilers, he'd be in trouble. Correct. Because Rottweilers sometimes kill old women because they hate old women. They really do.

Crazy shit, man. Crazy. But the thing, pigs ain't got no quarrel with man because they don't know. They aren't conscious of it necessarily.

Pigs are smarter than toddlers. But then why don't pigs regularly rise up and kill the farmers that are killing them? It makes no sense, Eddie. It'd be cool if they did. Yeah, sure.

And we probably, to be honest, I'd respect them a lot more and we'd eat less. It's a long game, dude. The pink rivers, dude, they're fucking killing us slowly. So you mean to tell me they're just like saying like...

This is what I'm saying. Because the cops don't know what to do with it. Literally, this is an issue. Literally, the cops know what to do with the dog. They know what to do with an angry animal. They don't know what to do with pigs that killed somebody randomly. I mean, obviously, you have to put them down. And then? And then her family should get to eat them. A neighborhood.

I mean, it depends on how big the pigs are. I mean, that's the only thing is that it's not like... If it was done by tiny pigs, that'd be ridiculous. I mean, sure. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because I kind of think we're in the area... You know when they've said like... You know how they said how like... It was like something in 2024, something like toddlers killed like 150 people. Yes. With guns or something like it. Some crazy statistic.

With some crazy statistic. So it's like the pigs, the thing is when the toddler kills somebody. It's super fucking sad. You can't really do anything about it. You can't eat them. Toddlers don't get jail. It doesn't do anything from jail because technically they're supposed to be in one. It's called a playpen.

But pigs.

When a pig does a crime, it's the most delicious punishment of all. Eternal Affairs. And the internal affairs has to understand is that they have to get the internal affairs, actually make sure the temperature has to be 165 for it to be okay to eat. Yes. Now, I just wonder, what was happening here? Yeah, feral swine. We were talking about the feral swine. But this isn't feral swine.

We're talking about domesticated pigs.

If they're just really hungry. They didn't eat this woman. They bit this woman. Yeah, they killed. They just fucking. And she bled to death. They assassinated this woman. There was an incorrect report that they did eat part of her, but they did not. So that doesn't explain at all why they kill him for the thrill of it. What are they? They just do the natural born killers?

I'm not blaming her. I'm just saying how it probably happened. You're saying that the woman asked for it. I did not say that she asked for it. Yes, you did.

No, you can't take the convertible because of the roof. It's super fragile. Yeah, and it's small. I'm not built for this. No, no, no. Built for the fire. Welcome to Side Stories. How you doing? I'm here. What's going on? I'm Henry Zabrowski. Still alive. Lightly toasted. Lightly singed with Ed Larson. You did evacuate.

That's what you're saying.

pigs i'd yell at him would you not yell at two pigs running up in your yard i'd i'd silently stab them to death i'd silently to be honest honestly truly i'd leave the house if there were two pigs ran up into your yard yeah we just shut the door yeah they're in the yard she was trying to leave that was the problem eddie she went to the pigs she had no reason you just closed the door yeah

No, you definitely close it.

Yeah, I'd sniff them and bring them up to scale. I've always wanted to slap a pig in the tush. I know it's not right, but I always just wanted to give it a little... Hey, you're not punishing it. You're flirting with it.

And it was only on Reddit. This isn't an actual story. No, this is not an actual story. No, this is just... This was sent in to us. And I love our listeners. We are really trying to... I want to say thank you to the several people that sent us the stories about the piles of whole peeled bananas. Appreciate you. And various other piles. Listen, we're trying to move away from pile-based news.

Only just because we were just so... We've done it. I was flabbergasted. Now that I know how regular it is, it's not even interesting to me anymore. It's past pile-based. But we also haven't been asked about Soupgate. It seems to also pass. It has calmed down.

But we need to find, we will circle back on that.

Yeah. That's really, really great. Yeah, he's doing a great job. He's a great human being. That's really very, very sweet.

Now, but this is something else. So people sent this to us and we will cover this, but I'm going to debunk this. You're debunking this. There's a couple things I don't like about this story. Yes.

Do I need to call the police? And then what the picture shows is a pile of what you could probably would seems to be. Semen. A bunch of cum. Now, this is an extremely generous pile of semen. Yes. If it is indeed. Yeah.

So this woman says, oh, what is this? And the entire obviously then the Reddit community turns into an entire long thing about how to kill the person that's done this.

Meanwhile, I'm looking at this and... I don't think it's cum. I've seen piles of cum, okay? Yeah. I've seen piles of cum. Saw one this morning. Had to. Because I made it. And I will say, what I know about cum is that, yes, it does indeed sit in a pile for a while. Yeah. But, magically, I'm going to say magically... It does.

Absolutely.

And often when it does, it slides and it dries into sort of like what I would call a film. Or I would call a picture of a family that never was. This is either fresh and made by the person who took the picture. This is so fresh. If that is real cum, that person's still there. That should be hot to the touch if that is real cum. I'm looking at this, to be honest, I think it's some form of epoxy.

And I just want to say thank you. Thank you to StoryWorth for asking me if I wanted to contribute my LA Fire story to my StoryWorth account. So I just want to say thank you so much for that. I do genuinely want to thank the LAFD. Yes. I'm a New Yorker born and bred. I lived there until I, you know, literally more bred than born. Absolutely. Because I'm fat. You are carbs. I cut you off.

I think that what it could actually be is something even more nefarious. Have you heard about this? What? That people can do. I've heard that this is also a way to get, it's stuff like how to get a, like I might be entirely fucking this up, where you put stuff in like sticky material, like if you break off your key inside of a- It looks like a hot glue gun. It looks like hot glue gun material.

And I've seen people pour hot glue material. Like if you break off your key in a lock, I've seen people pour hot glue gun material into it and then pull out the key after it hardens. So this looks like hardened glue versus cum. And that's my expert analysis. Yes. Also, I will say they keep calling him the cum bandit. He's not a bandit. He's not. He's not a bandit. He left cum.

If anything, he's the cum, like, gifter. Yeah, the cum bandit is somebody who sucks your dick in the night. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, a guy who sucks your dick in the night and takes that cum out of you. And he goes, I'm done. Thank you. Ta-da. TTFN. Ta-ta for now. And then he jumps out the window. That's a cum bandit. Right? And you go to that guy. You just go, thank you, sir. Yeah, exactly.

But to somebody like this, this is, I would say... The come-leaver. To deliver. The depositor. The mailman. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Come on.

So I think that this man, so I don't know. And a lot of people, and I would really say if you want to know if it's come, taste it. Yeah. No, exactly. We don't know that it's come. We actually, we don't know that it's come.

No. I would be very upset. If someone came on my front door. You know, to be honest, truly, you know what I think is an appropriate true punishment? What? Blast him with a fire extinguisher. Ooh, that is a good punishment. It's non-lethal. Yeah. It'll ruin your day. You can knock him out. It's hard to cum. Very hard to cum when you're getting blasted with a fire extinguisher.

Unless then you use the material that's left. Yeah, you see how it's harder than Rob? Rob is zooming in. Enhance. Enhance on the cum. Rob, you used to be a plumber.

See, that's not cum. That's not cum. This is not cum. All the extra little drips. I don't know. I'm just looking up. All right. I'm just going to look up piles of cum.

No, I'm doing it on my computer. Thank you. Doing it on my computer. Thank you for taking this sacrifice. Piles of cum. Come on. Just show it to me, please.

It says piles. It just says piles of cum. I think you have to write piles of semen, by the way. Whatever, Nick. I think that's easy. What are we? Why do I have to act like a fucking adult? Rob's doing it anyway.

Show me a pile. What is going on here? I have Googled pile of semen. Where is it? Google. I know a picture of one exists. Pile is in the right word. It's more of a puddle.

Puddle of semen. There you go. Puddle of cum. It's my favorite band. Puddles of semen. Oh, wow.

That really, really changes it. The pixels are too low on this. Is this not Shutterfly?

That's not cum. That's not cum. All right, Rob, we can stop looking at cum, I guess. The problem is it's all the undersides of dips and balls. If you want to see cum, you obviously got to move to Alabama. Why is there no puddles of semen pictures? Yeah. Why is there none?

Sidestories, L-P-O-T-L at gmail.com.

I honestly don't. Don't because it's not. If it was just me reading, it would be different.

Do not send pictures of Henry. I just don't understand. I'm really upset in a way. DM it to Henry's Instagram. No, please. Dr. Fantasy.

Yes. I just can't believe how many search terms I just did and not a single one came up.

Google AI is breaking in the internet.

Yeah. Nothing happens. Don't Google it because you will hurt your computer. Don't Google it because you don't get the right response. You know what I'm angry about this? Back in the day, if I wanted to see a picture of piles of cum, like honestly, there'd be like three dudes I could just call. Yeah. And it's so crazy to just think that I could go on. This is a fucking terabytes of information. Yes.

I did it first.

Wow. What a sad world. Just video.

At a laundromat.

Greatest segue of your career so far, Eddie. I just want to, yeah, let's just do this story real quick. Because this story is just like, you know, I'm horny, but this is another level. This is the horniest woman I've ever seen. And this guy is just, you know, I love so few times that someone just smiling in their mugshot. He really just does it.

Sorry. So Waukesha man and woman reportedly had sex in the lobby of a county jail who had, they not reportedly, they were on video, but still reportedly had sex in the lobby of a county jail last May, have been charged after they allegedly repeated the conduct at a Waukesha laundromat on Christmas Eve. Yes.

But for so long, NYFD, they've held the moniker of America's superheroes ever because of 9-11, which I, you know, fine. That's NYFD. Yes. But the LAFD. They took the 9-11 from New York. And we brought it local to SoCal. Yeah, that's right. And so I just want to say thank you to the people that are out there fighting these fires. These guys are beautiful pussy-eating firemen. They're eating pussy.

And what I love about this—you know what, though? I actually kind of find it relaxing. As a Satanist, I'm not super religious, but I love Christmas Eve as a celebratory night. Save it for the morning. You can do it on the 26th, too. So what I love is just the difference.

So it's Desmond Cleveland, 29 years old, who was charged Monday in Waukesha County Circuit Court with a count of disorderly conduct with a penalty enhancer for repeat criminality. Right? But then his paramour, the lovely Karen Hill, 67. of Waukesha has been charged with disorderly conduct as well. Now, apparently what they said was they were at the two counts of bail jumping. Thank you. I'm sorry.

You're right, Eddie. And I also think it's hilarious that it was flash laundromat. East Broadway in Waukesha. They reported to police December 24th that night. That's also sad too. It was Christmas Eve night. They said that they could see Cleveland and Hill lying under a blanket on the floor of the laundromat. They were engaging in movements that seemed akin to sexual intercourse.

And they said somebody entered the laundromat who's even sadder than them because at least they were getting laid. They entered the laundromat. They saw the people. They just saw bare ankles. Bare ankles. I think I'd still do my laundry. Oh, yeah. It's Christmas. If I'm doing my laundry on Christmas Eve, a lot of shit's also kind of gone wrong in a way, you know? So it's just like, whatever, dude.

If people are fucking at the laundromat, I don't think I care enough to report it. Oh, I would just... Because we're from New York. Yeah. So I'm just... And walk the show. At least they're, like, fucking in a place that's filled with soap. Well, the problem was the guy... They... But the guy, the owner of the laundromat comes in, he has to stop.

Other customers are coming in and he has to go like, stop it all. They all say, but what I loved was Desmond Cleveland's excuse, which is, Hey, sex happens. That's right. And so sex happens.

Not only is sex happens, it happened in the lobby of a fucking county jail, which is true. To me, that's the bigger story. This is crazy to me. Why are we talking about a laundromat when they got caught fucking in the lobby of a jail? He just said things were getting flirtatious. He said in the laundromat things were super flirtatious. They weren't fully full penetrated yet.

And apparently he went to go pick up his girlfriend, Karen Hill, emphasis on the girl there, 67 years young. See, they went there and they went and got, picked her up from the jail because she was kicked out of her group home. And they said as they were waiting for to go, when they were going to go to public transportation after being kicked out of the group home.

But just the idea of like, You could get horny, lubed up enough, naked, under a blanket, at the county jail, waiting for the bus. It's one of the just wildest. I've never seen that kind of passion before in my life. Yeah. That's passion. I've never felt it. No. No. What's that like to feel that? Just like look at a jail and be like, we should fuck right here. Just the idea of like, all right.

You'll be like, okay. I'm just surprised these people have cars.

No, no cars here, buddy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, these people are free. They were fucking under jackets at the jail. That's nice. But now they're going to end up in jail. Yeah. Back inside because they were fucking at the jail. These people are just, and that smile on his face. He's loving it.

Dude, I just watched a thing.

There was a woman blew through a... She had a DUI. Like... It's kind of crazy how the law works. It's really fucking crazy because there's just certain things that they get you more on. And public decency rules are like they're made from old timey ideas, right? Like all this stuff is made from old timey ideas.

They're sucking dick. They're taking dick. When they run out of water, they're making these chicks squirt on the fires to put out the fire. It's crazy. Just the call for that. Did you see that on Craigslist looking for squirters? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lieutenant's looking for squirters. I love you. That was amazing.

Just cross the border and blame Biden. I just don't think we have these rules. I think the crimes are unique in that fact. Yeah. And that it's difficult to then also, because it's just hard to pin down. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

You know, again, one was- Sad state of affairs. I will say one was a job creator and the other one was just, I mean, just too romantic. I say, if you want to have sex in a laundromat, move to Italy. Amen. That's where that fucking behavior is allowed. Amsterdam, the Netherlands. You can have sex with a fucking tortoise in the Netherlands. All right. You do anything you want in Europe. All right.

So before you come over here, bring your gross ass European ideals. You get on a fucking ferry and you go back to the fucking fatherland. All right. If you want to fucking public, this is not what you do in America. We kill people here. Yeah. We kill people. Right. We kill people. We don't fuck them.

Now, you're talking about the animal, right? The animal buck. Not the man that has to make love to a woman in a cuck video.

uh it's just not gonna work like that this guy was trying to save one this deer's life he tried yes but the thing is that it doesn't work like that no remember when we had the thing with the super friendly robot that was gonna make it across america and make friends and shit and then it went to philly and got fucking beat to death yes it made it across canada and then down and then made it as far as philly and got beat to death that's

Yeah. Yeah. You can't just say, you can't just tell people it's nice because people will fuck with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So don't do that. If you want to see the picture, it is kind of funny. But yeah.

Yes. Yes.

It's so hard to get her to go. You got to get her to relax. And with the fires, it's so hard to get him to relax. Because they got one big guy. There's one fire department lieutenant. He's just got one large index finger. And he just goes through. He says, I don't like this. I have a wife. And he just makes them squirt. They squirt all over the fires.

Hey, mama. Oh, Timothy Chalamet? You think Timothy Chalamet was going to do it? Oh, he got real into the Dylan thing.

Me too. I think that, yeah, he does look good in that. He does look good in that. Here we go. My mom just found an article from 1875 about my great-great-great-grandfather, M.F. Branstetter. He died in Ferndale, a small rural town in Northern California, where actually the wildfires are just outside of right now, which is interesting.

The murderer, John Henley, went to San Quentin for life. This article was published about it, and if it wasn't the craziest description ever, I might be seriously disturbed by it. Hope you enjoy it. Now, this is an article about her great-great-great-grandfather's death. Okay.

A cutting of fray occurred in this usually quiet town today that makes the blood run cold to think of it, let alone anyone uttering it, and sprung from the same source that so many men have suffered death from, and many a family been disgraced, and poverty brought to the door a game of cards. It occurred in a saloon, and the participants were M.F. Brancetta and John Henley.

"'and literally cutting Branstetter to pieces. "'Branstetter received one cut on his left arm, "'extending from the shoulder to the hand, "'laying bare the bone the entire length, "'the flesh gaping open four inches in some places.

"'He received another cut across the stomach, "'the bowels being cut in a number of places, "'and a third cut in his back, "'and as yet it has not been ascertained how deep or the extent. "'The doctors are all in attendance upon the man now, "'but is expected that he will die.' The cut in his arm is the worst looking cut imaginable. His arm being nearly split in two.

The whole thing is a terrible affair and has caused great excitement here. That is wild. A cut from the shoulder to the hand. Yeah, dude. It's fucking really sad. How do you even get the guy to stand still long enough for you to do that? It's a razor. That is a sharp ass knife. You never know. It seems exaggerated, right? It does. But hey, I'm not going to fucking call shite upon the past. Yeah.

What do I know? Well, I'm sorry your great-great-great-great-grandfather died like that. I am happy that he did. Because I got the letter. So thank you. My dad is a now-retired fire captain, formerly firefighter, paramedic for L.A. County Fire. Yeah, buddy. Topical. Yep.

Well, he's told me innumerable crazy stories from his time working as a firefighter, from having a Molotov cocktail thrown at the fire engine windshield and being shot at during the L.A. riots, to delivering babies in strange places, including for a migrant worker in a field who had to work up until she literally gave birth. My favorite story is probably Dildo Guy. Okay.

When my dad was still a firefighter, he arrived at the station one morning, parked, and started to head to the door when something strange caught his eye in the truck bed next to his.

He was taken aback. For obvious reasons. He just stared and he blinked a couple times and he shook his head like it was a cartoon. He headed inside and asked the guy whose truck it was what the deal was. He responded that he was in Studio City the day before. He saw someone throwing out all these dildos after a porn shoot and he thought it was a big waste. He fished them out of the dumpster.

But when we were, the first fire that came up really close to our house was one of the fires on the Sunset Ridge. They knocked it out in like fucking eight hours. They nailed it. It was just, I can't say thank you enough to allow us to continue to be here to work.

His plan, he said, was to wash them and resell them on eBay for a nice profit. Needless to say, the rest of the guys in duty mercilessly roasted him while the guy got more and more defensive. As far as I know, you went through with his plan. That guy has been known as the dildo guy in certain circles ever since. Never buy it used. Always buy it in the box. Yes. Buy it within the box.

It's worth it. It should go from one box to the next. Really, really. And I want to say live every day knowing you never know what's going to happen anyway, right? Yeah. We have no clue what's going to happen to us one day to the next. So it doesn't really matter what happens.

Just know you're going to live it for the best and you're going to laugh knowing the fact everybody's panicking around you. But you got to know you got to take care of your family, your friends and your city.

You take care of any community you fucks by giving to something like the California Community Foundation, which I did give a bunch of money to. You did? I did. I'm still trying to figure out where to put money. I like this one. One of the things they did say to do is give straight to the LAFD. Yeah. They do need a bunch of shit. All right, I'll do that today.

I also will say, to discount some of the disinformation out there, there was not a massive budget cut. All that stuff is horseshit. All bunch of lies.

We did not run out of water. You are literally hearing utter horseshit from people that just, for some reason, dislike California, mostly because... It's cool. It's nice. It's very nice here. Yeah, so people don't like it. It's a beautiful place, and sometimes disaster happens, and disaster happens where you are, too. So... Welcome to 2025. Choose which natural disaster you enjoy. Yep.

You're next, whoever you are. Pretty much. But hey, we're staying strong and we fucking love our L.A. community. And we, you know, whatever y'all need, y'all let us know. We're up out in here, dude.

Yep. The people I hate, I hate you. I still hate you. But everybody else I loved before, I actually love them more. Yes. That is a good way to look at it. Yeah, isn't it nice? Go fuck yourself. Never forgive. Never forgive. Hell, Satan. Hell, the L-A-S-P. Go to patreon.com. It's the last podcast. I'd love to get all our fucking shit. Yeah. LP on the left.

Thank you, the LAFD. They must have saved millions of lives over the last couple days. And it's crazy what they're doing. So we just want to say thank you. And it's been obviously very scary in Los Angeles. But we have been using the power of laughter in our own homes. That's right. And our wives are thankful, aren't they? They're so happy about what we did.

For all the socials, I have no idea what socials are going to be left soon. Go to Instagram, TikTok, where you can. And then go to the last podcast on the left when I come by. Tickets for our live show. Because it's good. Amen, guys. We'll see you next week.

You bought a bunch of gear. I did. I bought... Wait till you see my shit. Yeah.

He wasn't prepared for this one. No, no. But now I am. I have bought a full on. I bought two gas masks. I bought a military grade headlamp. Yeah. I bought a whole shit, dude. I'm going to scare the fuck out of my neighbors. I just cannot wait. You know, you could buy a full on hazmat suit. You could just buy one. I went and looked. I got into the world of safety material.

On the left. Side stories? That's when the cannibalism started. Side stories. Yes.

Sorry, I'm just checking to see if you guys got loser disease. But no, we got all this shit now, dog. I'm going to fucking... You're ready. Yeah, dude. I got to get something.

And you smell like our coffee man, Alex, our incredible, intrepid man who's in charge of our bean flow.

But normally, but if you leave it out during the day, it will charge. Yeah. And then it charges during the day during after times. So I'm just littering my yard now. Yeah. But what's also just amazing is the power of just like, I just know that everywhere I go, I'm covered in retardant. Yes. Oh my God. So much retardant.

The retardant that I even have in my home, because I bought some home retardant.

Yes. Yeah. Yeah. And she's going to leave soon. You like that, Rob?

I'm just saying it's just nice that it's in the lexicon. It's a different word. Totally different word. Yeah, it's extremely... Yeah, what do you think we're talking about? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm saying about the fact that there is a... It's just nice that it's in the news a lot. The word... Retardant. It's just said... Retardant? Yeah.

It's just said over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.

We're traumatized, okay? Yeah, I can't help it. I'm laughing. All right? I got to laugh at something. Something had to make me happy. Yeah, and that's what made me laugh. Yeah. Okay? My little quiet little laugh. Yeah, my blanket. My retardant blanket. Oh, yes. I suck on the corner. That's going to affect some of it. You have to get away. It's got to stay dry. But otherwise, we're here.

stacked oh yeah in beans dude he does but he have you ever been around him yeah yeah the chicago show he smells of delicious beans it's a good thing to stink of i guess he smells so delicious yeah he smells like a nice dark roast but he's very white oh lily white yes but he is just delicious smelling yeah as a man i like the smell of

I've read all the various conspiracy theories. All of them are incorrect.

All the theories of why we caught on fire instead of just knowing that it's a disaster. The one thing I will say is we're the witches on this. Yeah. Witches go after every other thing, right? They've been talking about how like they can't hex Trump because he's got some warlock charm or something. And I've seen that excuse. Where are the witches on the wind? I feel like anybody can speak.

But they like fire, which is like, I know that they get burnt at the stake. They party at fire. And it's also, they reclaim the fire, which is take the fire back for themselves. You know what witch stands for? What? Woman in total control of herself. Oh, is that true? Oh, my mom bought a calendar, though, for Natalie.

She was like, I just bought this calendar for Natalie. And oh, God, Henry Thomas. As soon as I saw it, I knew I knew what it said. And it's a picture of a woman with a shirt off. And it says which woman in total control of herself on the front of it.

Yeah, but you're just talking about a woman in total separation from reality. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A wister. That's called a wister. A woman in total separation from reality. I've met quite a bit of those. Like the lady that runs the yoga honey bee store down the street that is funneling millions of dollars into a storefront for no reason. Oh, yeah. You know what? They would not like forest fires.

Yes, you're correct. No, they would not like them. But I'm saying witches could talk to wind. I thought. What if we had a giant... No, we need a giant cauldron. For what? For the fire, for the witches. No, Eddie. Eddie. What? At Larson. What happened? I'm saying, I'm talking about the wind. The witches need to talk to the wind. Yeah. And have the wind stand down.

Why don't the witches talk to the wind? And why can't the witches make rain? I know that Marguerite, our favorite.

And I appreciate her. That's the first time I've ever agreed with her. Yeah, please. Which is, where are the weather machine people on this? Yeah. Like, just squirt at it. I thought, aren't you trying to fucking, honestly, I thought that you guys in your cabal were trying to hide the powerful witch pedophiles in Los Angeles. How are we going to do that if we burn her alive?

All right, you have to stop it. So someone's got to come. Deep State needs to stop this.

No, the broom's their car. You've seen the bumper stickers. Yeah. My other car is a broom. These women are totally in control of themselves. They could go on the bus and take their witch's butts. Public transportation witches? Witches most, probably. Honestly, it's better for the environment. It is better for the environment. I'm just saying, sidestorieslpotl.gmail.com. Where are you witches?

Where are the witches on this? Let's handle some of these elements because obviously either besides the space Jews that are running the lasers or just the government themselves that are half reptilian, we don't know who's not turning on the weather machines properly or not sending them, not calibrating them. So we need the witches to take over. over, if you would. Thank you.

And we do want to say, we want to extend our apologies to Atlanta because we had to postpone the shows. It was because we literally could not get out of the city. We did not know if our homes were going to burn to the ground.

Both shows are rescheduled and we will be there with our shirts on.

off it's gonna be hot it's gonna be extremely hot yeah but i love atlanta in the summertime it is spicy spicy my friend yeah i'm excited to go back so but we will be in dallas on the 22nd so make sure you come check that out please do please do and also uh we got another update this is a good update what's this update so this is an email i got this this is just sort of i think that this is going to end this saga about this nebraska oh yeah i need to know about this so this is a story that we're covering the highway furniture placer

Yeah, so the last two episodes, we've been covering this story about this, apparently, this series of activity going on in Bennington, Nebraska, where an object is found on the road, a car swerves to avoid the object, crashes, and then a mysterious person comes up to the car, offers aid that seems like they've been waiting and watching ever since.

Now, there's several people that have said over and over again that they believe that that they saw the same man do this multiple times over four different crashes, right? So that's kind of where it ended. It was mystery.

And then last week we covered how this same, whoever this guy is, has been calling and pretending to be one of the people inside of the crashes, has been calling the local news in Bennington and saying, please stop covering this story in a super weird way. Yes. Right? Very strange. And this is the email I got.

Absolutely not, but I'm sharing it anyway, but with the warning of we have no idea, but it does seem to explain. It makes sense. It fits. It tracks. So I'm from Bennington. The population there is less than 2,000 people. I knew someone would know something. I messaged some of my friends, and here's the information I gathered. Almost everyone in Beddington knows who the guy is that is doing this.

I had six people send me his name. I'm not going to include his name because of the rest of this email, but he went to the local high school. He's about 23, 24 years old. Apparently, he has a form of mental disability. He wanders around Bennington largely unsupervised. Some of my friends said he was a nice guy, just kind of odd. Others said he's kind of dangerous.

Allegedly, he might wander into people's yards. He's been known to go into people's homes. The doors are unlocked, apparently. And he's also apparently threatened to kill a girl's boyfriend after the girl turned him down for a date. So now what they're saying is they believe that the...

Police probably know who this person is and are treading lightly because technically they've committed no crimes. It's a crime to put something in the middle of the road, isn't it? We don't know if they did that. No one saw them doing it. No. So right now they have not committed any crimes. Right now they're just being a weirdo at various spots. And there's nothing illegal about being a weirdo.

What should they do to this guy to stop him from doing this? Probably I would... Yell at him, right? I'd give him a yelling. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They got to go. But that's hometown. That's real policing. Yeah. That's like when a cop can just go, we don't need to arrest the guy. We don't need this stuff. You just go over there. Just go, hey, whoa, hey, I know what you're fucking doing.

Yeah, absolutely. Or being like, hey, listen, Quincy. I'm calling him Quincy. Quincy. Hey, Quincy. All right, you got to stop being a looky-loo, because if not... No more ice cream. No more. It's illegal for you to have ice cream. And we'll tell all the ice cream shops around town, no more ice cream for you. I'm going to tell the gas station guy you can't have ice cream.

Shit's serious. Yeah. Okay, Quincy? All right, so what I need you to do is, first of all, put some clothes on.

It's winter. It's cold as hell, all right? It is Nebraska. And the second thing I'm going to need you to do is you bring that smile over here because, God, I love you, Quincy. Give me a hug. Give me some tongue. I love this scenario. Bennington, Nebraska. Where you can tongue kiss your local different man because it's polite to do. He's just a different kind of man.