Ian Bagg

All right, so...

I was writing, you know how a steam mirror, and when you steam in the bathroom and you can write shit on the mirror and shit?

I was drawing pentagrams and shit, you know, just so they would pop out and go, I don't know the devil.

And so I was like, I love seeing people's reaction and mainly fucking with people.

And so he did what I like to call church hopping.

He went and found this Christian girl to come talk to me about our Lord Jesus Savior.

And so that night I took her to the park and I fucked her.

And like literally everything was going good for about three months.

And then one night she looks at me and goes, I'm gonna go to the store and get some milk.

And I was like, cool.

Well, two weeks later, we found her in a psychiatric ward the next day, over sweating up and down.

This is a lot right here.

I had to Google most of this.

Apparently, apparently, and she was swearing up and down that Apache helicopters were landing in my father's backyard, talking to her about the Masons, who apparently were after her because she knew that they killed her mother in some organization called the Red Coat.

Was that our wedding?

When we didn't even have a fucking wedding, we eloped.

We didn't even have rings.

Tony, do you know what the fuck they give you when you ain't got rings?

No.

Pipe cleaners.