Ike Barinholtz

I knew that he was active around 100 CE and just turned into a different person.

I remember he was exiled. So you've seen Eyes Wide Shut. Remember the scene when they go to Sidney Pollack's huge, beautiful Christmas party and they get separated. That really cheesy guy walks up to Nicole Kidman, takes her champagne and she's like, I believe that's mine. And he's like, my darling, I'm absolutely certain of it.

And he at one point goes through and he's like, are you familiar with Ovid and the art of love? Oh. So for a second, like poet, love, Ovid came into my head. And then I read the answer and I was like, I'm going to go with Ovid. So I wrote that down. And so then it went down the line and Ray got it right. Of course Ray got it right.

It went to me and Ken Jennings, who I'm obsessed with, was like, in Hollywood, do they sit around and talk about Ovid? And my answer came up, he goes, oh, they do. And I remember, I'll never forget hearing the crowd go, oh.

It was crazy.

No.

But Melissa still hadn't gone yet because she was in first place. And so she wrote, who was Juvenal, who's another poet. That's a rapper too. At that one second duration, the audience realized I'd won. And then there was another like, ooh.

Like the craziest thing ever. The real win was going to the semis. I had to go back to the next day. I was playing against another two incredible players, Ben Chan, and I'm blanking on the other guy's name, but he was incredible. And that's the one that's keeping me up at night still. Were you close? 50-50 guess. Had I got it right, I'd win it. No, you were ahead in money again?

Oh, yeah, I was surging. I don't know if I was ahead, but I would have won. Can you come back? I will one day, for sure. Jeopardy is a huge part of me. I love that show. It's incredible. But it was crazy. The final category was something like...

Greek history so it was another like antiquity classical thing where I was like okay and then this one was this Greek writer wrote this phrase about whom and it was like our enemies blah blah blah so in my mind I was like okay enemies of the ancient Greeks the only ones I'm coming up with are Persians and Spartans I'm just gonna go with Spartans and it was Persians

So had I just gone the other way on that one, I would have gone to the finals. So I will literally some nights just be like, why didn't I just go the other way? I'm so proud of you. I know. This is such an accomplishment.

It's a very fun thing. I love trivia. And you know he didn't go to college. That's what's fun is he's cobbled together this crazy knowledge. You're a good will hunting? No, I didn't go to college. One day I had like a job, kind of like a custodial job. Okay. And there was a problem like on a chalkboard and I saw it and I just kind of knew it so I wrote it down. Yeah.

And a guy who worked there kind of in an administrative position saw it and that kind of got the ball rolling. But I wouldn't say it's a good will hunting thing.

What's up, man?

Yes.

You just have to know it. There are little tricks when you go on Jeopardy. A big thing is the buzzer. I always thought at home watching it that the buzzer is just something you just want to ring as fast as possible. You want to ring as fast as possible, but you don't want to ring once. You want to go Nintendo controller style.

Yeah, because if anyone rings early, the minute Ken stops asking the question, it coincides with these little lights around the board that kind of go off. And once those lights go off is when he stops talking, and that is when your system is unlocked. If you ring it early, a quarter of a second, you are locked out. Locked out for how long? You're locked out for a quarter of a second.

So it's that fast, but that's enough time for someone else to get in there. Yeah. I want to keep doing it in case no one else rings in. So that was a big thing that I had to learn.

I'm like Kristen, where I, for years, just answer right away, which is so rude. Just people would be annoyed. It's because my parents did that because they were rude when they would watch it. So I've since changed that, by the way. Is there the last time I saw your wife? We were doing Jimmy Kimmel together and they were like, hey, will you do a bit, like a pre-taped bit?

It was called Celebrity Hide and Seek or something like that. Or Celebrity Lost and Found, I can't remember. And they were like, we're going to have a person off the street go into like a Hollywood Boulevard gift shop and they're going to be looking for you, but you'll be hidden as part of the atmosphere. And we're like,

okay cool camouflage camouflage right so we go in it was like a souvenir shot a souvenir shot there's you know half mannequins the upper torso of a mannequin and it was wearing a t-shirt that says hollywood usa and then a hat that says like the stars and there's three of them one of them they removed and i went under the table and was posed like a mannequin with my head and my hoodie on.

And so I cannot move at all. Kristen's in another part of it. She's kind of buried. So they find this young woman off Hollywood Boulevard and cousin Sal is like, here's who you're going to be looking for in the store. And he holds up a picture of Kristen. She's like, oh my God. She's like my favorite. I can't believe this. I'm going to pee when I see her. This is so crazy.

And again, she's 20 feet away. I can hear her in my earpiece and I am like right here and I can't move. And then Sal's like, great. And then you're going to try to find Ike Barinholtz. And she's like, I don't know who that is. And I was just like, perfect. And I can hear Kimmel laughing in my earpiece because he's in the studio and I can't move. He's coated in indignity.

I got some elevator shoes.

So then she found me and like right away I was like, how do you not know who I am? I'm going to send you blockers on iTunes. Jesus.

Can I give you a good suggestion? Because guess who doesn't have a fucking podcast from Kristen Bell? Yeah. Yeah, Kristen Bell. I don't remember her interviewing Jeff Bridges. So whatever. So you tell me. Anyways, yeah, we need more towels. Thanks. Yeah.

Get a nice gap between you and Kristen. Last year, or maybe the year before that, we went to England for the holidays. And on Christmas Day in London, they put in their roast and then you go outside. You go to the pub and you hang around. And even though it's cold, the streets are really packed with people. It's so nice.

Very confident. Yeah, we put a couple actors in lifts for Running Point. Chet Hanks is playing an NBA player. You got to throw him in lifts, man. He had more swag when he had the lifts on. He just had sudden confidence out of nowhere. There's a saying, right? Ten feet tall and something.

It's very Richard Curtis. Oh. So we're there with my wife, and a lot of her families are like 20 of us, and we're in this beautiful village green in Richmond.

My family? 20 people. I heard my kids pay for their tickets. No, no, her family. No, no, no. They take care of themselves. Okay, you didn't have 20. This is like a Muhammad Ali situation where I'm like... It's my cousins and my family.

I got a round of drinks. Okay. Good for you. I picked up a couple dinners. Yeah, we're all there. It's beautiful. And we had gone to Paris before that. And it was the first time that I just had really noticed that people were kind of coming up to me. And I always wonder, oh, what movie had come out on Canal Plus? So anyways, Christmas Day, London, we're at this pub.

And this woman walks up to me and she's got that big smile on her face and she's holding her phone. And you know that look when you're excited. And I'm like, hi. And she goes, hi. I go, picture? She goes, please. And I grab her. I'm like, what's your name? And she's like, oh, Sandra. And I'm like, hi, Sandra. And I'm doing the selfie thing. And I'm like, here we go. How's it going?

Merry Christmas, by the way. She's like, thank you. And I go, all right, let's do kind of a fun one. Oh, you really give a platinum package. Yeah, because it was Christmas. OK. You know, it was a day to give back. So I give it to her. And she's like, thank you. Sorry, do you mind taking a photo of me and my sisters? Oh! My wife has watched the entire thing. Oh, thank God.

And she's laughing the hardest she's ever fucking laughed in her whole life.

She's laughing harder than any movie or TV show I've ever been in. She runs over to her siblings and she's like, you're not going to believe what just happened. She's pointing and... My loser husband. Yeah, then like the rest of the holiday, the young nephews and cousins would be like, do you remember when that woman, you thought she knew who you were? And I was like, yeah, I do.

I remember that night.

I thought you were a fan and I grew up all my fans. I'm really sorry, ladies. Anyways. I'm known for being handsy. Do you listen to podcasts?

This guy's either like a psychopath or he's drunk.

Yeah, I mean, you're in Miami.

You're asking for it.

Okay, you're still going to jail for life.

I've played number one a couple times in my life. First of all, it's a lot of work. Yeah. A lot of work.

No, it's cracked up to be. Early in my career, the thought of being cast as a leading man was just crazy. They were like, oh, are you insane? Look at his teeth. You know what I mean? You smell them? Wait, no, they can't smell on camera. This guy constantly shits his pants, which I've worked on. If there's any casting direction out there, I'm not doing that anymore. This guy's a shit.

This tall Jewish shit pig or Timothy Chalamet. Oh, it's a tough one. Let me think about that one. I would find myself as kind of like a second guy. I love playing that part because you gotta be so reactive and tune it up. You get a lot of the comedy. But I would describe us as weirdos a little bit. Because there were guys who were our height, like Jeff Stoltz. Super hot guy. Timothy Olyphant.

Timothy Olyphant. The guy who Tim always says looks like him. Josh Duhamel. Josh Duhamel. Timothy Olyphant told me he had Josh Duhamel pose with his family for a Christmas card. No way.

Look at him. Confused for one another? Yeah, he told me that.

Back in the day?

I was disgusting. I was like a loser.

Some men, it gets a little bit easier. You don't look as bad as you get older. Exactly.

You're taking it all in. You care of yourself. All you got to do is wait it out. Yeah. Everyone's going to get old and ugly, and you're going to still stay the same.

No plugs. Just a little bit of, what do they call it?

Gels?

Have you done that PRP? I haven't. I went the first time, and it hurt. And then I went back, and I just remember it hurt so bad, and the nurse was like, I forgot, do you like the laughing gas? And I was like, that's a fucking option?

Yes. So now when I go, you suck on it, and you're like, did you guys watch White Lady? You hear the popping, but you can't feel it.

I do the equivalent of lung chugging, where I'm just like, give me the good stuff, baby.

But I'm such a loser. I hope my wife doesn't hear this. We have like this whipped cream, this like nice whipped cream that's in a can that we put on the waffles. It's like Ready Whip, but it's fancier. It's French. Whenever it's the end of the can and we're cleaning the kitchen, I always just kind of duck my head out and go, pop, pop, pop.

You can't stop thinking about it. I went into like a moment of flow. And you were nude, which I really appreciate. I was stroking myself. Yeah, of course.

He can party when it's called for. As you get older, you definitely want to do it less. Also, they're just coming out with articles now that are like, like back in the 80s, they were like, doctors say you should have two martinis a day.

And now they're like, all alcohol is poison, which is very depressing because I do love on like a Friday evening to make a nice cocktail, cooking dinner. Me too. Highball Manhattan, Negroni, one of those. I love that. But as you get older, hangovers, even if you have sometimes just two drinks, you wake up the next year like, I feel like shit. So it's not worth it.

The little mushroom squares that people take. Sure.

No. That kills people now. Because of the fentanyl. Anything that has a probability of killing you that's embarrassing, you can't do once you have kids. If a 48-year-old man dies of a cocaine overdose at a bathroom at a friend's birthday party, that is mortifying. And it's not even just three children. Three daughters. Three daughters.

Not to be that guy, but it's like, I have daughters and I don't want them to know that I died on the floor of a bathroom. It's also been so long. As you get older, too, you start to settle down. Cocaine is not a good drug for parents. But now the fun thing with drugs are they're so much more organized now. They're predictable.

There's people that are making them that you don't think they made it out of like their sock in a bathtub.

It's packaged nicely. Like we went to go see the dead and co at the fear.

We were doing the studio and it was Seth and everyone. So there was a lot of fun things. They have acid that is in a little like a binaca spray. No way. And it's not like back in the day when you take a little piece of acid and for like 14 hours, you're like gone into a dark place. This is more like, oh, this just makes me dance more. Oh, wow. Yeah, it took a little bit.

That's how the Declaration of Independence was written. It was a group of men masturbating. That Continental Congress floor of that place was like a porn theater. It was a goon fest. One big goon stash over there. A goon fest. Wait, tell us what gooning is. I just thought you meant a bunch of creeps. Oh no, gooning is very advanced jacking off. Oh, can you explain?

And then at the end of the night, at one point I just grabbed it and I was going. And then I heard John Mayer go, thank you, Vegas. We love you. Good night. I walked into that casino like 100 stops. Anyone have ether? He's already lauding them around. Out of all the things I've seen and done drug-wise, nothing messes people up more than eating weed.

If you eat too much weed, you think you are going to die. I, one time when I lived in Amsterdam, man, I took pop brownie and no idea what the dosage was. And we decided to drive to the airport. Sure. Because there was a Burger King there that was open. Okay. And my friends, we pulled up to like our rivals. Okay. I go, I need to wait in the car. I can't go in. And they're like, okay.

And then right as they walk away, I was like, I'm going to get murdered in the car. So I locked the doors and then passed out. So they came back and for like an hour was banging on the door. You have like real panic attacks and stuff. So don't eat too much wheat.

Which I just rewatched. It ages like a Bordeaux. Oh, it's getting better. Better and funnier. And I totally forgot at the beginning, the scientist is turning into a pimp, kind of. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You always forget that part. It's seeping into my top ten. It is the greatest movie. It's so goddamn funny.

David Herman was killing me in this one. The movie's amazing and you should rewatch it. Treat yourself. Watch it with your kids. Do your kids watch any of the stuff you do? Thank you. Thank you.

It's like when young men who are kind of aimless will literally jack off all day until they are in almost trance-like state. Oh my God. So it's a spiritual practice. Yeah, it's not something I do. I've tried, I just can't do it. Your refractory period's like two days, isn't it? Ah! My wife was so annoyed. She's like, it's her daughter's birthday. I'm like, hold on.

Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you.

But I first heard about this, and then I became obsessed with the notion. And it's not edging. Edging is like getting to a point and then being like, ah, ah, ah, time to do some pushups. Right. Yeah. This is more like I'm going to go and then I'm just going to keep going until I'm just like, uh, yeah.

Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

No, no, no.

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Yeah, everything he wears is so cool and vintage. He is the best dressed man I've ever seen. Just fucking oozing cool. If I were to dress like him, people would be like, sir, you need to leave.

Yeah, he looks like a European dude who's by himself on a motorcycle. And you look like a guy who's trying to get into the Hells Angels.

Oh, that's good poetry. It's fucking good. Yeah, he smokes Galois. Yeah, baby. Oh, my God. You smoke, like, Winston's. Yeah. But you created that. With my friend Mindy Kaling. Never heard of her. And Dave Dastin, who was our showrunner. And Mindy approached us and she was like, I have an idea for a show that's loosely based off of Genie Bus. And had you met Genie before? I actually strangely have.

My lawyer is friendly with her and took me to a game once, introduced me. Hey, she's so cool and just lovely and nice. Growing up in Chicago, big Bulls fan. Like, Bulls first, always. But there was something, as a kid, I loved Magic Johnson. I just thought he was so fun and cool. You probably loved him from Michigan.

Which was like 87.

Because that was... Monica, this is Michigan in the 80s.

I'd never seen men hug men. In our lifetime, we've watched hugging become a thing. It was truly not a thing until Travolta. Bill Clinton signed the 1995 National Hugs Act. It was just, you would shake a hand, or even back in the day, be like, how are you? And you'd try to hurt the other guy's hand. Oh, you'd squeeze the hand as hard as you can. As a test of your masculinity.

We're calling it Triple B. That was the idea? In the shower, yeah.

John Williams said, my father created a pool supply company.

Oh, yeah, sure, sure, sure. Hugging is a still new thing.

That Bruce Springsteen kissed Clarence Clemons? Yeah, great. You know everyone's name involved. Was that like a thing that hit Chicago? No, never got that one. Oh, I did.

Oh my God. I love urban rumors. I remember in high school. Oh yeah, Marilyn Manson removed his ribs so he could suck his own dick.

That was a big one. Which is actually true, I think. Yeah, I found that out this morning. It was in the paper, Fact of the Day. I get a little email.

Yeah, I can imagine that would be prerequisite for hanging out with him.

His music's actually good. Yeah.

Yeah, no, he was like an interesting guy.

I don't know if I told you this story once, but I used to be a busboy at Arnie Morton's on La Cienega, Morton's Steakhouse. Oh, I love Morton. Still my place. I love it. So this is like 2001. And before I went to work, I was at home and there was a show on IFC that you might remember called Dinner for Five.

Loved Dinner for Five. And so I was watching it. Jon Favreau was the host. And I can't quite remember. There were two other people and then Marilyn Manson. And then there was an empty chair. So I remember going to work that night, busting a table and Marilyn Manson walks in. He's a big guy. And he comes in and he sits down and he's with some slave or whatever.

And he sits down and I was like, I got to ask him who did not show up.

And so I'm kind of just waiting for the right moment. And I start busting the table next to him. And I just kind of turn and I go to him. Hey, excuse me. I hate to bother you. who didn't show up for dinner for five? And literally as I turned to him, he's just put like a relatively large piece of steak in his mouth.

Bro, it was like a solid 30 seconds of him being kind of annoyed and holding up his finger and being like, and I'm waiting for it and I'm waiting for it and it feels like an eternity and finally he goes, Michael Rapaport.

No.

I need a little bit more, actually, because I've got to clean some stuff out of my teeth before I talk to you at this point.

Yeah, so Mindy approached Dave and I, and she's like, I have this idea for a show. We love her so much, and the Mindy Project was the best gig ever. It was the most fun. Me and her and Dave, our sensibilities just really line up. Yeah, that's a great feeling. So we spent months with her eating gigantic sandwiches every day and just kind of breaking the show, writing the show.

And so then we're like, who's going to play this part? One of those shows where it's so all about the lead. And we had on our wish list, obviously it would be great if we can get someone like Kate Hudson to do this. That's impossible. She's Kate Hudson. And so sure enough, we got a call. Her agent's like, I read this. I love it. She's going to read it. And then she read it and she loved it.

That never happened. That never, what always happens is you find out she's going to do it and then the last minute it just doesn't work or she got another movie or something. But she really stuck to her guns. I think she really saw the vision. And so then we were able to get this insane guest cast around her. It's a sibling workplace comedy.

And so we were able to get Drew Tarver, who I'm obsessed with.

He's got the Bateman thing. Yeah. When he's dialed in, where even when he says a line that's not even remotely funny, he still makes it funny. That means you'll work forever.

If you could have that, I mean, that's like a Bill Murray thing. When you talk about it, like... What? What do you want? And in real life, delightful, wonderful man. Scott MacArthur is a guy who we had known for a very, very long time. He grew up in Chicago, 40 years, like literally 40 years. We knew him when he was four years old. Remember when he was born?

And then we had the part of the other brother. First of all, we had Brenda Song, who is amazing. Walking around in public with her, the only other person I've seen that gets that kind of smoke is John Cena. People, when they see Brenda's song, lose their fucking minds. It's wild. But then the older brother part was the last big piece. And it was a really funny part. And we needed a killer.

And we got Thoreau, which was just wild. Because he is low-key, I think, one of the best actors out there. Oh, totally. To have him come and do a big, dumb comedy.

White House Plumbers.

So good.

How funny was he on that show? Oh, my God. That performer, he played G. Gordon Liddy, and he's talking like this the entire time. But it's so believable. Woody with those big, stupid teeth. Yes. But it was such a great show. I also think, too, is right when Max, HBO was breaking off a little bit.

Yeah, you're clicking forget password, but it's to your old email that you don't have access to anymore. But it was a great show.

You sent me the nicest text, man. Oh, yeah. I was in the middle of watching it. Yeah, it was really nice. Because you don't know. You work on something and you love it, but when people you know reach out, it really is a very, very lovely thing. Oh, my God. I loved it. I watched all 10. Every day you'd show up and there'd be a new person. Like Martin Scorsese. I had to act with him for...

hours and hours in oners. So the stress level is only compounded. After every take, I kind of stand there with him because he's one of those people that everyone's like, don't bother. But I'm standing with him, so I would just kind of talk a little bit and then try to get out so I'm not talking too long. But he's one of those guys where he is as advertised.

everything you say to him, he's going to say in the most Martin Scorsese way. Like I'd say to him, how do you like how we're shooting? He goes, oh, it's great. It's French New Wave. You know, Godard created that because he only had one camera. So that's what the French New Wave was. And you're like, that's so fucking cool he said that.

Yes. So now I'm like being a psychopath who knows everything about you. Right, you pull out a list. Well, I go, your favorite French New Wave is 400 Blows, right? He goes, well, it changes. It changes all the time. I think right now it's Jules at gym. You know, the first time I saw Jules at gym, I remember sitting there thinking, if only I could make a movie.

The whole movie was the first 20 minutes of this movie. And that's Goodfellas. And I'm like, oh. But meanwhile, just broke.

Boom, boom, boom, boom. Oh, my God. And I'd be like, bye. Because I don't want to wear out my welcome. I got to go. I'll be right back. And then I'm just standing like five feet. It was crazy. The whole series, every scene is shot in one take. So it's not like a conventional show where we have our coverage. How did it affect your comfort in improvving?

You don't want to be the person who fucks up and then has the giant reset. And that definitely happened a few times. Anything about Seth, though? I don't know if it's because he's Canadian or the weed. He's the most easygoing guy when it comes to that shit. Even if inside he's pissed, you will never see that. Because if someone would fuck up, he just goes, oh, here we go.

Then you realize you're racist for thinking it might be racist in the first place.

There was one day where we were driving. Sunset Boulevard is locked off at 6 p.m. So we can drive a 1958 Maserati and do a fucking whip U-turn and pull up into the chateau. And the car just won't start. It's just getting flooded out every time. And he's got to snake up that tight driveway. Bro, it is so high stakes. If it were me, AI would just be like, we can't do this, obviously.

We'll get a stunt driver. I'll be in the chateau. We'll do a cowboy switch. I'll be on the floor.

And then if not, just use AI. Whatever the fuck that means. And the car's just flooding. The second time it floods, I'd be like, all right, I want to have a little meeting with everyone. This can't flood again or otherwise. I don't want to be hyperbolic, but I'm going to kill myself. And every time it floods, Seth would just go, oh, boy, this thing doesn't work. What are we going to do?

And it was just like smoke, but good natured. I was scared, but again, the knowledge of knowing that even if you fuck up, they're not going to yell at you. In terms of the improv, it was interesting because I've worked with them a lot. They're very improv-welcoming directors. They really love to hear what you have as long as it's in character and on story. Driving the story, yeah.

That's a good one.

Every line is not advancing the story, I can assure you. No matter how much the boom operator laughed, it's not going to be in the fucking thing. So they are very welcoming of it, but some scenes we would rehearse for hours and hours before we even started rolling. So that was kind of the time, once you're in it, it's like a play.

You throw in a new line and that affects someone's cue, you're gonna feel like a dick.

It's a huge thing. Our DP, Adam, is just so active and running around. They built equipment that had never been used before for this. So the cranes flying in. If I ruin one of those takes, I'm like, oh yeah, what are you, Hawk to a girl? I try to cram in a reference. People are going to be like, fuck you.

It creates moral conflict. What you don't want is someone to guess the answer. Like, what do you call the richest man in Mexico? And they're like, oh, I don't know, burrito late?

It is. To quote Alan Partridge, surprise me in rehearsal. Ah, that's nice. It wasn't like a big improv bonanza, which I think was very good for this show. But they still let us kind of flex a little. But it was great. Just a lot of the fun, too, was working with directors like Ron Howard. Yeah. Like as an actor, you know Ron very well. And I have met him once before.

But when you're sitting in like a sprinter van with Ron Howard and he's looking at his lines. Yeah. At one point I said to him, we were shooting on Warner Brothers, and I was like, have you ever shot here as an actor? He goes, yeah, I shot the music man here. He was the boy in the music man.

It's an equalizer. Yes. You didn't have anything with Ice Cube. I'm not remembering. Did you? I shot with him the day after he came out on the Dodgers center field and sang for the World Series. It was really cool. Years ago together, we did James Corden's show. And you know you do it together. For better or worse. For better or worse. It has been worse for me. I walked out of Cube.

I was very nervous to meet Cube. He's an intimidating guy. Intimidating guy. And also, I was obsessed with NWA. I was obsessed with Boys in the Hood. Friday is one of my all-time favorite movies. The Predator is one of my all-time favorite albums. Three Kings is one of my all-time favorite movies. Death Certificate? Death Certificate. Trespass. I saw Trespass in the theaters.

I walked up to him and he was just like, oh, what's up, man? I've seen you being funny. And I was like, yeah. Yeah. Thank God. That's really good. I'm going to go fuck off now. Luckily, I think he thought I was Donnie Wahlberg. Okay, great. I'll take it.

You're like, no, no, no. Let me just get the joke out.

Oh, yeah. Donald's a good friend.

Oh, if you come up to me, there is a movie called Rat Race. Remember Rat Race? Yes. Seth Green was in it. Seth Green. There was a guy in that movie. I'm blanking on his name. We kind of look alike. Okay.

Actually, if you look at the data, probably 5,000 times people have come up to me and been like, yo, man, love rat race. At first I was like, that's not me. But now I go, thank you.

Yeah, I love the shins, man.

You just got to make sure you're not telling this joke to anyone you think might be racist.

But we have this rivalry a little bit.

At one point, myself was like, I'm yelling at her, and she's such a good actor, and she's crying. Yeah. And I'm like, I'm going to look like a dick. But I think it's okay. He's supposed to be a dick. I usually play bubbly and fun and comedy, stupid. My pants just fell down. Oops, I farted. Yes. To be really fucking like, I will fucking end your career. Yes. Fucking stupid little idiot.

And you see in her eyes the hurt. You do feel like a shithead. But it's real.

That happens.

He's a problematic guy, I would say.

The first time we did it, they had the real fake cocaine, which is, I think, baby laxative. They say it's all safe. Yeah. So I was snorting it. After like three hours, I was like, I have a shitty headache now. It sucks your sinuses. So then the next time they were doing it, Andy, our prop guy's like, hey, do you want the real stuff or do you want to use VFX? Oh my God, that was an option.

No, no, no. Let me whip through this. It'll take literally five seconds.

Yeah, it's the same thing of like, wait, you offer laughing gas? Why was I not told? So then there was a lot of VFX. But I think when we were doing some of the Vegas stuff, It was so crazy for the finales that I'm sure there was real powder flying around. Not real cocaine, but real fake powder. But it brought me back. Put it this way. I definitely had the same reflexive diarrhea.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah. And then like 13 minutes later, why did I do this? Five hours later, you're like, I'm so glad I did this. And 24 hours later, you're like, I need to change my life.

They are so gross.

So many substances just being excreted.

A lot of diarrhea.

You didn't know what it was, but you knew that whatever you ate was going to come out very quickly. I just knew I was going to be horny no matter what. For sure. Oh, my God. I know there were some people that were like, yeah, I don't have any sexuality on drugs. And I'm like, come here, my male friend. I'm going to suck your tits.

Yeah, Carlos Slim. And you're like, okay. All right, I'll talk to you later. Bye. But I am on the cover of Forbes this month, which is what I'm here to tell you.

I'm going to massage your hand until I'm erect.

Not anymore. If you and I knew each other in 2000, we would not be alive. That's possible. One of us wouldn't be. Or we'd be married.

I'm going over to Dax Shepard. You know, the guy from Punk. Yeah, I got a big wrestling match with him. We've been wrestling a lot. No, no, we're not hooking up. And then years later, you're like, yeah, we just adopted another kid.

This is three, guys. Who else is in the three club?

Okay, I guess I gotta go write a bunch of great books. Possibly good books that I can write.

I feel like Malcolm's.

Hey, can we just talk about that live show? That was one of the most fun live nights of my life.

You are a home run. So much fun. The Armchair audience is the greatest fucking audience. Truly is.

nothing there's nothing better than them and they came to that show they were so tuned up i remember before you guys brought me out just like you guys there's so much love there for you guys and what they do fan base i'm so lucky because i've touched into a lot of different fan bases and they're all so nice positive intelligent yes but can get dark humor yes like dirty jokes i'm not offended by fucking everything who like dirty jokes impossibly good group so that was a party people should really listen to that one it's so funny you talking about

Very busy, and very busy in the financial world. A lot of deals being made. I sure hope so. Just closed a big deal on the way over here. A lot of venture capital stuff. A lot of VC. VC. Yeah, yeah, you and your boys. That's what we call it, because we're so busy making deals, we don't have time to say the full thing. Yeah, you don't have time. ROI. What'd you say? ROI. Time is money.

Obama fucking Michelle Obama. I remember that one.

I think there's a lot of things that were like B stories and sitcoms and now people are like, yeah, no, that's true.

I got a real garbage dick when it comes to working with people.

Time is money. I've been saying that for years. And I love ROI, and I know what it is. And it's a big part of my portfolio. Do you know what EBITDA is? Yeah, dude. I know what EBITDA is. Jesus, Monica, what's going on? Yeah, I know what EBITDA is. Anyways, what else is going on?

I hate saying I don't know. Really? There's a real freedom in it, but I really try to be a smarty pants.

I present like a dumbass, but in reality, I'm self-conscious of that. So I want to be like, I know what that is.

And then when I do, I talk my way out of it and say like, no, actually, I'm still right. And people are like, right.

Yeah. Like a lot of times with our kids, my wife will explain something. I recently learned about kind of how rain works. OK. I just thought it fell from the sky. And then it makes sense that some of the water is evaporating. And so I said it comes from the sky. Well, it also comes from bodies of water and stuff. And I was like, yeah, well, both are right. And it's just like, who cares? Yeah.

31 and 30.

You did. You came over and picked her up. That is true.

Reverse Benjamin Button. Or straight Benjamin Button. Well, Benjamin Button is you're born old and then you're getting younger. Yeah, he's going opposite. Well, you're right. Yeah. By the way, I don't mind being wrong to you. That's a really nice compliment.

Well, it's like we've done a thousand of these and you're never once in a million. Same as you. Eight and 11, then we have a six-year-old.

As wonderful as that is, it is the opposite when the 11 and now even the 8-year-old is like, hey, can you help me do a very simple math problem? And I'm like, I cannot. I literally cannot do it. Like, I could sit here with you and try to pretend, but that's a huge bummer. But when it's history or social studies, government, any of that stuff, I am so excited to talk about it and really to show up.

You want to be valuable to them? Yes. You get older, you're increasingly less and less valuable.

Like, do you recognize the stakes of that? Before I went on Jeopardy, randomly a friend of a friend had won a couple episodes of Jeopardy. And he said to me, my best piece of advice to you is if it's early on, especially, go big on those daily doubles. The odds are you're going to know the answer, and just don't be afraid. Wow. It was against my nature, but I went all in on a couple of them.

I won the first one, and then I went to the next round on that, and then the finals was me versus Patton and Will.

Wow.

That's pretty good. That was what definitely won me that game. I tell my friends who are going on it, I'm like, go all in. I told the great Max Greenfield, I was like, you got to go all in. And afterwards, he's like, I didn't. What? He didn't do it. A little too much. It is scary. Because the thought of losing everything is very real. How many Daily Doubles are in the game?

In the first round of Jeopardy, there's one. In Double Jeopardy, there's two. But in Celebrity Jeopardy, there's three rounds. They're all Daily Doubles. Everything's a Daily Double. And I think I got at least two or three of them in that. Early on, if it's like a category that you know and it's one of the earlier questions, like a $300 question, you're probably going to know it.

If it was astrophysics for $500, I would probably not do it. Math problem is what I was thinking. Yeah. Or osmosis. The whole category is osmosis. I'm screwed. I wouldn't even know. One of the answers would probably be egg. Yeah.

Right. God bless Celebrity Jeopardy. Okay, yeah. Where they're just like, listen, celebrities, we have special brains. We're creative. We're goons. We love to goon. As a celeb, you have to reserve the red carpet in gooning.

It's really bad.

You're having a real visceral reaction to onomatopoeia. You're right to. Thank you. You shouldn't kink shame, but you can kink shame gooners.

Okay.

He's going to have a live session on Instagram. He's ready to blow up his career. Jude Law. Oh, no. He's had enough of acting in movies.

The whole day. You wouldn't last more. Listen, as a man who has masturbated throughout his life, I can assure you that even someone you're really into, after a few minutes, you're like, okay, shame on you. Yeah.

There's people who need help in the world. You're wasting your life. I'm wasting my life. Peace out.

Tell me.

I like to look at photos of women I'm in the room with and masturbate for 12 hours. I'm an insane person, by the way.

I think this is an old Patton Oswalt joke, but it was something like no matter what your kink or your fetish is and you think it is so dark and weird and wrong. There is a online magazine dedicated to it. There is a guy sitting around a table saying, this is the worst issue of Wiffle Ball Fuckers we've ever made.

Nor should it be. They want to have celebrities having fun. It's for charity. So the questions are, I would say, 30% easier than your typical kind of Jeopardy questions.

No.

She's very smart.

mount olympus which i've watched every tournament of champions i get starstruck when i see these people and stuff so i was yes very honored yeah so what went through your mind michael davies produces a show great guy i was like hey we want you to be in this tournament champions and i was so flattered but also instantly acknowledged the fact that there was going to be zero chance that i would not come in last place and i just kind of designated myself as the mascot

literally showing up that day i remember saying to myself just have fun that's the best you're gonna get out of this and i would love to not end up in the negative i was confident that wouldn't happen he enters the quarterfinals is where it starts and one of the contestants ray lalonde ray lalonde he won 13 games in a row oh my god and i bent him over and fucked him i did Listen, it was bad.

A, I am married, and I'm in a happy marriage, and he's a nice older man, and I shouldn't have done that, but I beat him. Ike won, and also the other contestant was no slouch. He's amazing, too. It was crazy. I had a couple moments in the game where I got a little lucky. I had a daily double again that helped me out. I remember what one of them was. It was numerical film titles. Okay.

And so it was like 800 bucks and it was a daily double and I was like, all in.

This Fellini film. Eight and a half. Eight and a half. So I knew it. I had enough juice to kind of be competitive into the film. You had a big stack now playing poker. Got the confidence, you got the chips.

Got my lips on. Going to Final Jeopardy, I was like, okay, maybe this could happen. And then the category for Final Jeopardy, it was Roman poets. And you felt good about that?

I was like, it's over. Instantly, I was like, okay, I know two Roman poets. Which are they? What if you go, I know one? Well, at first I was like, I know one, Virgil, but then I was like, then there's Ovid. Oh, I don't know Ovid. You're good. Ovid, like, I was sure, like, what made me think of Ovid?

I hung out with Farley a couple of good. I got I got to meet him a couple of times. And he was like my idol, you know, like I loved him so much. I remember one time he came, I was a bus boy at second city. Um, and I remember he would come in once in a while and he was always so nice.

Midwest, Wisconsin. Nice.

And one night he came up to me and was like, Hey, you know where, uh, where Johnny is, you know, his brother, John. Yeah. And I was like, oh yeah, he's, he was actually, he's at this party, uh, Lincoln.

Can you take me there? And I'll never forget. So he says that. Go ahead. Go ahead. Finish this story. Turn to my friend, my, my, my buddy, Brian from high school. It's like, Hey, do you, can you take me and Chris Farley to this party? And he was like, what, what? And we went there and we were, I remember we parked and we're walking right under the L tracks, train tracks.

And Chris is like, I got to pee. I got to pee. And I was like, I got to pee too. And we started peeing. And I remember he turns to me, he goes, want to play swords? You know, and I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I kind of turn and we're kind of, you know, mixing our urine.

And he just kind of turns and just, he's kind of on my foot. He goes, I cut your foot off. I remember laughing so hard I couldn't metabolize what was happening.

Did you guys sword fight?

I think, I'm not just saying this because I'm on this podcast right now. I think this weekend we're going to show, I have three daughters from six to,

You look, you look really good though, man. Like you're really hanging on. Like it's a lot of people, like they get smashed by the wall, but you're looking good.

It's the beard. It's very good. It's working.

I'll probably just hit a quick fast forward on the scene where you're Oh, that's right.

Yeah.

Yeah, if you're watching it on TBS, that's not in there, but we're going to go ahead and pay the Apple TV. You'll probably be getting a little check in the mail. You're welcome.

I think it's a prequel where you go back to the founding of Callahan Auto Parts. Oh, okay. And you have basically someone playing like young Brian Dennehy. Oh, you go way back. You go way back. Yeah. So this is way before Chris. This is really what you're looking for. Instead of looking for a modern day Chris Farley, which is impossible.

You find a modern day Brian, a young Brian, which I think is doable. I think that is doable.

Boom.

Do you like money? Do you like money? Do you like dollar bills?

Guess you don't like money.

Do you want to do impressions of Joe Biden for the Saudi royal family?

I did not audition for SNL. In like 1998, I remember... people from NBC came to improv Olympic to watch, you know, to scout. And I remember, Oh my God. And it was the worst too. Cause the owner, God bless her Sharna. She like invited like 50 of us to go on stage at once. So like everyone was like, put your pushing people aside to like do a character.

That was the name we tried to get.

The little rascals own any rascals. And Eddie Murphy would have a bone to pick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Buckley would get involved. It's whatever you want it to be. You could say running point. You could say running point. You could say running. Yeah.

My sources told me we were picked up for another season.

Yeah. Mindy, Mindy came to my partner, Dave Fast. And I was like, you guys love basketball. We worked together, the Mindy project. We have this show that I think could be a funny kind of family business show at a basketball club. And, and we were, we loved her. We had such a fun time working with her and it had been a while and we had just finished up a thing. And so we,

we kind of spent a long time kind of breaking the show and what it could be. And, and we kind of, it became very, very real when Kate Hudson was like, I want to play this part. Cause that was like, wow, that's a real, that's a real no fooling movie star. Yeah. Yeah.

Friend of the show. He's so cool. Friend of the show. One of the, my, he's my best dressed friend. He does dress cool. Yeah. And it's just like, I, if you, I think he has clothes that are like all bespoke, like little leather jackets that like are only made for him. Can I throw something?

Oh my God. He looks so much like him.

Picture if you will. Picture if you will. He did Night Gallery. A tiny leather jacket.

They would, like, have sex with the same woman at the same time. They were, like, very famously, like, Coxmen together. He was on that show, Husker Bros. I'm not mistaken.

Yeah.

It was, it was just irreprehensible. But so then I, I, I moved to Amsterdam for a couple of years. And then when I came back, I was like, I want to do SNL. But before SNL, I even auditioned, I got cast on mad TV. And so I was kind of there.

It was crazy. Like Paul McCartney, you know, was there. And at one point he looked over to Barack Obama and told him this. And when people tell you those stories, I'm like, what do I have? I'm like, oh, really?

One time Bobby Lee and I went to Las Vegas together. That's your story.

I've seen Bobby Lee naked more often than I've seen my own wife naked. So I've seen him naked three times.

He is one of the all-time funniest. He's got a very funny thing about him.

No, I'm not in it. I just kind of wrote it and was there while we were shooting it. My dad is in it. My dad is an actor. He plays the family attorney.

Yeah, the judge. He played the judge on Jury Duty.

I got a Nepo dad.

That's cool. A reverse. I've never heard of that. Because a Nepo, I understand people get mad at Nepo babies. I don't, by the way. I think they're good a lot of the time.

Unnecessary evil. Everyone can get behind a Nepo dad.

Oh my God. That's something else. Someone says to me, it's like, I can't believe Chet Hanks is such a good actor. I'm like, his dad is Tom Hanks.

Yeah. Yeah. I only have, I only have two. Best original score for the Brutalist.

I did it. I did all of my little Casio keyboards.

Anora.

Okay.

How many have you seen? I love both of them. I loved Conclave. I loved Dune 2. I loved Enora. And I loved The Brutalist. And I think that's all I thought.

Never. It's very long.

Yeah, it's really brutal. But I really did think it was cool.

That's right. There's others, 2009 to, I mean, there's... I mean, it's a very important information, so it's natural there's going to be discrepancies online about it. Mine says 1886, too. It's got to be wrong. Oh, man, I did an amazing impression of Rutherford B. Hayes that really got me cast on it.

No, I went against, who did I play? I played Jalen Rose. I played Constance Wu. I played Simu Liu. I played Shang-Chi.

I played, hold on, someone else.

Then in the finals for Celebrity Jeopardy, I went up against Pat Patton, who's a real smarty pants. Patton Oswalt. Oh, Patton Oswalt. Yeah.

Yeah. He loves that. And then also Will Wheaton, who you might remember from Stand By Me, Star Trek. Yeah.

He still gets Stand By Me. Next gen.

I won that. So then I went back, they invited me on the tournament of champions, which I thought was just going to be like, not to do with celebrities.

First time that happened. And I just, it was like a fait accompli that I wasn't going to win. So I was just going to have fun and let these kind of, you know, sweet nerds destroy me. And I just kind of by a fluke won my, the quarterfinal. And the final question was the final jeopardy category was,

roman poets i only know like one or two and then i read like this what the quote was and i just in my mind i was kind of weighing them and i thought of eyes wide shut because you remember the scene in eyes wide shut where nicole they're at the party they're at uh uh sydney pollack's party yeah yeah and and um nicole came in that like really creepy european guy is like Hello, how are you doing?

And I was like, oh, Ovid. Maybe it's Ovid. And so I credit Stanley Kubrick. Oh, my God.

I watch it with the family. We watch it once a week.

Yes. Every Saturday with the kids, we watch it. We want them to understand that there is a Illuminati out there who are having secret sex parties.

I don't know.

the moon landing moon landing the jfk he supposedly filmed it on dana that was oliver stone oh he filmed the moon i see okay you got it you got it um i i have been in a bit of a barry lyndon phase uh really really i don't know the last time you said it was i have i remember seeing it when i was young and i was like it's so long but now when you watch it it's it's it's hilarious first of all uh and it's so beautiful and ryan o'neill really was the

but really great actor.

Yeah, yeah.

And it's also very sexy. Do you guys mind if we watch a couple hours of it real quick?

Tonight, if I was going to watch something, I would watch Idiocracy.

Uh, I was just watching a little of it, uh, on a flight, uh, last week. And, uh, Not drug idiot parallels to the present, of course. But it is such a funny movie. And every time I watch it, it gets funnier and funnier.

Ah, that is a great movie, The Longest Day.

That movie is really great. Like, for like a legal thriller, that's a great movie.

No, that's the Pelican Brief. That's his next movie. David, what would you watch? And don't say Tommy Boy. Don't say Tommy Boy. Don't plug the 30 Panthers.

That's a cool one.

Hey, Dana, can I tell you something about Opportunity Knox? I saw that movie opening night.

And a kid I went to school with, elementary school, was one of the kids, the karate kid who beats you up. Oh, really? Because you shot that movie. Yeah, Josh Livingston. I don't know if you remember him.

In Chicago, yeah. So I saw that movie opening weekend, baby.

And that checks out. Cause he was always like broke. So he would, whenever they were shooting a movie in town, he would get up, you know, the directors would call him he's teaching. And he was also like, you know, and,

heroin addict for a long time he wasn't like uh he wasn't like uh he didn't have his shit together so to speak uh but he was a really uh fascinating guy and uh and i learned a lot from him and and uh yeah for a guy who i think touched so many people he wasn't a name dropper around us he never was like oh one time bill murray uh told me he was just like very like uh he was yeah he was cool yeah mike myers always would refer to down close you know just so mike was big yeah

Mike Myers, who, by the way, is an enemy of the state right now because he's Canadian. So you guys should reach out to him because... They're coming after him. Yeah.

Yeah. And if you guys could shelter him, that would be nice because he's going to need help.

Do you mean the plandemic? Yeah. Let's look at a clip. Can I bring up a video of Anthony Fauci that I made? It's a jib jab where he kind of admits the whole thing was a hoax.

My dream was to always be on SNL. We grew up in a very SNL heavy home and, Uh, like we, we, some of my earliest memories are watching like, uh, like Eddie Murphy, uh, the 83 year, uh, with like, uh, Billy Crystal and stuff. So we were obsessed with it in our house. And when you're in the comedy scene, especially the improv scene in Chicago in the nineties, that's your goal.

He does. He's a doctor. He's supposed to be like, you know, have an academic voice. And he sounds like he's trying to sell you like an old Pontiac in New Jersey.

Wait, Kay Cannon directed Blockers. Oh, maybe. That's a lady.

Oh, yeah, no, there were other writers. Okay, it was one of the 40 people. Yeah, exactly.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, it was a bummer.

it was a i was trying to suck my own it was like it was an improv guys let me at one take keep the cameras going yeah it happens uh no it was it right when it happened you kind of don't even realize what's happening until before you know it you have a doctor being like hey you fucked up your neck oh and uh so i was really bummed you know but uh luckily like i i really took the um

I took like the rehab of it all really seriously. The worst part about hurting your neck besides the fact that you could possibly be paralyzed is you have to wear a neck brace, which we can all agree is an inherently comic thing. Like when you see people in a neck brace, you're thinking like Christopher on the Sopranos or like John Larroquette.

It's like a funny, it's a funny bit because most of the times it's like nine times out of 10, when someone's wearing a neck brace, they were rear ended.

and and but this one it was a more involved one that had braces and buckles oh no yeah that was rough that was really rough because like i would see friends of mine people on the street too who don't even i don't even know him would walk up to me like oh my god what happened they feel for you and like they feel for you which is nice but you're also like i don't want to can't tell this fucking story i don't want to talk about it yeah i don't i don't want you can tell us though so

Yeah. So no, it was, it was a bummer, but it, it, it really, uh, I, every morning I would wake up and they were like, you gotta do your, you gotta correct your posture, which is basically if you, if you shrug your shoulders and put your arms up and then drop your arms, that feels crazy. Right. But that means that's your proper posture. So I would

strap that brace on and put on like a giant sun hat and just like walk up and down my block for as long until my legs gave out. Basically I was committed to fixing it without surgery, trying to hold it. So, and I didn't have to have surgery. And now watch this. Ready for this?

I can do the full Brady, but full Brady bunch mobility.

I could crack my sternum a little bit. Okay. But I've read, I saw, I read about a crazy person on TikTok that said you should not be, you shouldn't be cracking and popping.

Um, but I, you know, listen, man, I, I, I was busing tables at Morton's on La Cienega, uh,

I get ones for dogs where it'll be like a guy. I don't like it. Like a hundred, 140 pound pit bull. And he's like, and you hear like a bomb go off and the dog is like,

I think that there's an owner holding a piece of bacon on camera. Yeah, they don't know. I don't buy it. I saw him do it to a gerbil.

and i know the rest of them you know it's it's no longer there sadly uh bus boy i was a bus boy bus boy we've all been bus boys the hardest job in the world bus bussing tables it's so hard i'm especially there because there's like so many famous people you know and you you're like kind of like starstruck like one time i saw pete rose there and i was so excited you know then i walked past him and he grabbed my arm he goes hey give my wife a diet coke get out of here

She would do this in a second. She's very fun. She loves you guys. She's like me. Big ass and elf, man.

But if you could do it as Johnny Carson, that would be amazing.

And the Rusty Nail.

So, yeah, and it was so much fun. It was such a fun job. We had, you know, such a fun cast and writers. It's like when a lot of my children were born while we were doing the show. And now it's so crazy. Now they're watching it on Netflix or it was on Netflix. And now they're watching it and it's really sweet because you do stuff like, and you, you just kind of don't rewatch it for a long time.

And then it comes back to you one day with your kids and they get to see me, you know, like farting so hard that my pants fall down.

6, 9, and 12.

They do, but I really am like, you're going to watch SNL and Wayne's World and Tommy Boy and the things that I loved. Because at some point, they're going to go online and watch some idiot online. As long as they're in my house.

if i was right if i was i'm sorry if i was running for president uh i would uh sadly have to execute all tiktok pranksters or you're or you're putting a gulag like like because they're not even like clever pranks man it'll be like a guy like a like an older man in a home depot like trying to get like a bag of mulch and they walk up behind him and like give him a wet willy and the guy's like what the fuck and then they run away and i'm like

I got hit too. And it's like, you guys are now going to break rocks for five years. Yeah, please. Let's see some pranks about that.

David, I have seen those and it's mother's milk to me where a guy just starts wailing.

It's a prank.

Oh, sorry. I didn't realize you were disrupting my life for internet. For your own fame.

This one's for the fans. I've never discussed this before. He's never been asked. I will never discuss it again after this. It's very private, but I will tell you. No, my real name is Isaac. And yeah, I know.

It's very it's a Jewish bummer. But I had a I had a teacher, my favorite teacher, a guy named Kehoe, Mr. Kehoe. And he started kind of calling me Ike. And that's really when it just I kind of became Ike. And it's very rare. It's rare, and most Ikes, I think, are good. Ike Eisenhower was an amazing president.

Ike Turner is the rough one, but you also have Ike Austin. He's a good manager. He was very good. Listen, Ike Turner, early on, had a vision, and I think we can all agree he made some very bad decisions, and I don't like him. I think he's a bad guy.

And I was like, oh, okay.

On the record, I want to just end the controversy.

End the controversy. Ike Turner gets that. You both know. Thumbs down.

Come on, let's do it.

Dana, look at that. Wow. Heather, did you see that?

It has a special Zoom app.

It's called Standing Remotely. Says it right on top of it. I always hate when shows tee themselves up for critics to slam it. Running Point is more like running.

I just got to say when they, when I first heard your guys' podcast, I listened to it. I was so excited being on this show. So much fun. You guys have made me laugh so much over the years. It's wild. It's wild. I'm putting you in the hall of fame of guests because you were so lively.

Bet you can't finish that ribeye, Charlie. Oh, boy. But it was, you know, to get an offer to be on a TV show, especially a sketch comedy show, was just a dream. So I was just kind of like, great, let's do it. And there was really... Great writers there. Some great performers. A lot of great people came on.

Yeah. Well, let's have a little competition.

No, I present very dumb.

Yeah. What are you going to keep? It's a foundation I've started. I've started a foundation. I wet my beak a little bit.

That's the best. That's the best. All right, boss. Appreciate it.

Running Point. You guys are amazing.

Yeah.

Oh, my friend. I know you're friends with Bobby. You've been friends with Bobby for a very long time. Right.

The great Josh Myers. Yeah. Josh Myers and Michael McDonald was still there. Jordan Peel and Keegan-Michael Key came while we were there. Nicole Parker.

Yeah, we had a big fat cast.

Beau Bice. Oh, my God. I mean, I'm still doing it a lot, obviously. I shouldn't say this, but I feel like Beau Bice, if you told me he stormed the Capitol, I'd be like, yeah.

But yeah, we, you know, Mad TV definitely did a lot of impressions of the moment. Of course. We got stuck with that too.

Was there ever one that you guys were like bummed that you're like, this is obviously, this is a bad impression. I don't want to do it.

But my Arnold was not great, especially that was a huge bummer because Will Sasso was on the show. I really kind of like replaced him and he did the funniest Arnold. So then I had to come in and do my kind of half-baked one that wasn't that great and it wasn't funny and it wasn't as good as Will's. Well, it's already good. But Will's was like a tour de force.

You know, I kind of look like Mark Wahlberg, so.

That was kind of, you know, but there was a lot of times too, where I would just get, I remember one time I got assigned, they were doing a Frazier parody of, And the writer's like, you're going to play John Mahoney, who was the father on Frager, who was a great actor. And I was like, I can't play. He's like an older man. And I remember sitting in. We did a lot of prosthetic makeup.

And I remember sitting in makeup for like two hours. as they're aging me and I was complaining so much and I was on set and I only had like three lines. And one of them was I'm John Mahoney. And, uh, I complained so much that they cut down my lines where I only said that in the sketch.

Five hours of prosthetic makeup, six hours to get it off, getting it off when I put that like alcohol directly in your eyeball. And they're like, Oh, don't worry. It's on my phone.

He was a baseball player for the Texas Rangers. And he was, He was like a big steroid guy and he kind of famously went in front of Congress and was like, I did not take steroids.

So we did like a parody called like, oops, I just took steroids or something. I can't remember what it was, but that was another impression that I still am getting a lot of love for. People are constantly asking me to do a baseball player who retired in 1996.

I loved it. Well, he became a senator. You know he became a senator.

So I was there. So there was a theater that a bunch of dudes in Chicago started because like Dutch comedy back in the day was Josh Myers, right? They love Josh Myers was was there. Seth Myers was there and I kind of came in right after him. But I was there with Brendan Hunt, who I don't know if you guys watched Ted Lasso. He's Coach Beard. Oh, yeah, yeah.

I love that guy. Yeah. And then, well, I was there for just about two years. And we had great people come through. Sudeikis came through there for a year. Sudeikis. Jordan Peele. Sudeikis was there. Jordan Peele.

Miss Kakowski. Kay Cannon, who directed me in blockers. Amber Ruffin.

um just all these really uh really funny people and it was a really fun time too because it was like before like it was like before 9-11 you know what i mean like it wasn't the euro yet it was it was uh the gilder yeah so it was really uh uh nice and i still talk to a lot of the sex workers i befriended while i was there we still keep in touch sex workers okay

Well, they just, they just really like Josh kind of went native for a while and dated like a Dutch woman for a long time. And yeah, the Dutch people as a people, they're very like reserved. They're very, but they're very honest. Like they're, they would come up to you after the show and be like, I did not think you were the funniest one. I thought your black friend was funnier.

I can't wait for the 50th anniversary of this podcast.

The woman, the woman, the song about sex was very good as well. So congratulations and goodbye. Thank you.

I mean, my goal was Representative Lucknick when I was a child. But as I got older, I went to college. And I, I didn't, I knew I didn't want to be in politics. I was a terrible student in college and, and I, I kind of eventually got kicked out of college because I stopped going to class. And I was drawn to acting and I didn't, and I was drawn to comedy, but I didn't know where to start.

And my dad took us to see, uh, the improv Olympics. I think like they're maybe their fifth

year anniversary or their 10 year anniversary and i saw improv for the first time and i saw adam mckay and i saw uh amy poehler and specifically the person who made me laugh so hard that i was like i need to do this was tim meadows oh great like he is to me like one of just the funniest people in the world absolutely and watching him on stage just kind of enter a scene and

make a random joke and got such a big laugh i was like i'm signing up for improv classes i gotta do so that was that i was i was like 18 at the time and and i was i really kind of jumped all in it was so much fun and you're 18 at that point and how old were you when you got mad tv was that kind of your biggest break and then you went from oh that was my first break yeah i got mad tv i was probably 24

five ish yeah okay um wow it was great i was making that that late night money which when you're broke you're like uh i'm basically steve jobs uh and then as you learn you're like oh late night money is terrible it's not in the grand scheme of yes you know acting yeah but you're on a job you worked with dell close that was farley's guy he used to talk a lot yeah man Oh, yeah.

Yeah, that's real.

Yeah, he's great.

Tim Meadows specifically was so funny in that show that I was like, I am signing up for classes tomorrow. So that was kind of my journey from college into the improv scene.

I am going to try to enroll. Have you seen the film Back to School with Rodney Dangerfield? I'm going to try to do that. No, I you know what? That is something that like I just I don't know if it is for everyone. You know what I mean? I think college used to be at least when I was there, it was a thing where everyone went and.

It was just a fait accompli that you go to college, you get a job and that's how it worked. And I think that's changed a little bit. Yeah. And to me, I'm just kind of like, yeah, I don't. It's never something I was like longing for.

I won Celebrity Jeopardy. And then I went on regular Jeopardy and I did win.

Yes, yes.

My heart is melting. It's just beautiful. And that's like a vintage one, but it's nice. It's really good. Dave Stastin would go wild.

Yeah.

The current Bulls or the great Bulls of my youth? Because I will say this. Growing up in Chicago in the 90s was so remarkable that I am so fortunate that I've inoculated myself from any sports pain, right? Meaning that the Bulls have been terrible now for a while. It's the worst – it's the lowest point for Chicago sports. Across the board, every team is terrible.

And I want them to do well, but I don't live and die by it because I had so much of a run in the 90s that I'm not like, oh, even if the Cubs went to the World Series this year and they lost, I wouldn't be like, damn it. I feel like the 90s gave me such a wonderful joy that I still hold on to it and I'm able to watch sports with a very healthy approach to it.

Yes and yes. First time I saw him live – I went to a Bulls game before he was on the team when it was all Orlando Woolridge. I saw him his second season before he got hurt – or his third – I'm sorry, his third season after he came back for the first time and – It was crazy. It was such a phenomenon, especially in Chicago, before he really blew up.

And then I met him years later at a health club, and I was holding a Archie magazine, Archie Comics.

I was holding like a Jughead Digest 12, and he walks in. I just froze.

Oh, God, maybe 11. I don't want to say like 17. I was reading Jughead. Yeah. Was it Desi Jughead? It was actually Slaughterhouse-Five. Jughead.

But I just walked up to him and held up my Jughead Digest, and he just looked at it and signed it, and I melted.

I have it signed still. It's still at home. And, yeah, I love him. I love him. I love, too, that he has lasted so long. That documentary that came out was so great, and a whole new generation of people never saw him play live still understand how wonderful he is.

That's really good.

I did love him very, very much.

I loved him so much.

He was amazing. And I know there's like a nine-part Celtics documentary that's coming out right now.

I'm joking.

Yeah, so Running Point is – it's a story inspired by the life of Jeannie Buss, who is the owner of the Lakers, who I've actually gotten to know over the years and who really is like – I imagine like most owners of sports teams like – have, like, satanic rituals where they worship Malik and they're billionaires and stuff. She's just, like, a normal person, you know? It's, like, a family business.

And she's so, like, forthcoming and wonderful. And her life really is crazy. I mean, she's the only female owner in an incredibly male-dominated field and running a legacy team, one of the most important teams in the league. And so we thought...

that a family comedy or Mindy Kaling thought like a family comedy set in a basketball office would be a really funny world and thought of Dave and I and brought it to us. We obviously worked with her on the Mindy project years ago and we really loved her and hadn't worked with her in forever. And so the three of us just kind of talked about what it could be and what we think it is.

And yeah, that was like three years ago. And it's doing really well. It was, it was, yeah, it was number one on Netflix, baby. Shout out Papa Ted. We love you, Papa Ted.

We dabbed in honor of Ted Sarandos.

Running point is canceled.

It was the dab. Little dab will do you. That's what they say.

A little dab will do you in.

Yes. I right now is a very blessed time where I love shooting and acting and being on set and production. That is fantastic. Um, as you get older, you know, I'm at that age right now where my kids are still want to like hang out with me a little bit. And they still like, they're going to be gone soon. They're gonna be teenagers that just don't want to hang out with me.

Yeah. But yeah, the oldest is like, she's like 11 going on. Yeah. Yeah. And it will, I know it will go fast. So right now, like in this little phase of like writing and spending, I think also too, we've kind of, through the years, through COVID, we figured out how to like really focus a writer's room and be very effective with our time.

Like I'm sure like at Parks, you know, you remember like, oh yeah, they're coming in at 10 and they're leaving at 10. You know what I mean? Like it's long, long hours. It is a little bit better now where you can kind of manage your time a lot better, target a lot more, still put in the time, but be able to cook dinner every night.

That's my real favorite thing to do is to like cook dinner at night for the kids and eat like a giant just bucket of food. That is like the fun zone right now. And that will hopefully change at some point because in a few months I'll be like, I need to get out of here. I need to be on set.

12 hour plus days. If you're acting too, you're getting into hair and makeup. If you're shooting far away, uh, you know, you're waking up at 5am and, and that's when it can get rough, but then you're exhilarated cause you're on set and you're funny and you're with all the fun people and stuff.

So, um, but right now the zone I'm, I'm really, uh, loving is being, creating and being at home and writing and stuff. So that's.

It's hard. And we're lucky too. Like we're shooting running point in LA. I got friends that are like, oh yeah, I'm going to a, uh, Newfoundland for four months to shoot like a sci-fi show. That's really tough. That's where you're like, oh man, you gotta really love acting or, you know, need to do it and go. And that, that's the rough one.

With our good friend, Katherine Hahn. We love her. I remember you told me years ago, you were like, do you know Katherine Hahn? And I was like, no. You're like, we love her. And you were right.

People are obsessed with her on Instagram. Like if someone posts like a trailer for the show, like every reply is like, mother, mother, I'm coming for you. I love you.

Oh, I know.

The original show was called kissy kissy witches.

I'm doing a show where me and another wizard kiss. Wizard kiss. Wizard kiss. Wizard kiss actually does sound like a pristine show.

Do you remember Bull from Nightcore? Richard Mull.

Do you want like a younger guy? I met Timmy the other night at the Laker game. Should we get Timmy?

Critics are like, this is the worst show ever. The end of peak TV. It's over. So many executives are firing because of this green lighting. But how about Timothee Chalamet? He's got the goods, man.

Yeah, I thought of you when I saw that speech because I was like, that's my guy right there.

I loved it. And I loved it, too. He wasn't like, I want to be the greatest, like Brando. He was like, no, I want to be like Michael Jordan and Michael Phelps.

It wasn't just to acting. It was this whole spectrum of things. Yeah, no, he's got the goods, man. He's making mustaches great again. He really is. I saw him at the Laker game. He had a beautiful mustache. He looked great.

Henry Cavill.

That thing is incredible.

Yeah, it's like thick and strong. Mine is not great. Mine looks like a guy that like is killed very early on by Liam Neeson in one of the Taken films. That's like, I don't know what are you, like, yeah, like that. It's like thin and wispy and I will grow it out sometimes and like no one likes it. It's not, it's, it's, it's.

I had one like literally two weeks ago. It looked like I was very like, was I an imam? Was I a rabbi somewhere in between? I don't know, but it was very long and, and, and, and thick and, and quite frankly, gross. I got to like, once it gets past a certain point, once you're dealing with it, what's that smell? Oh, I had cereal. Like, you know what I mean? It's disgusting. So yeah.

So I, I shaved it and then my daughters were like, we missed the

Let's just watch TV. Come on.

No, she didn't mind it, and it was cool. But then it just got – like, I think for the premiere of Running Point, I showed up. And also, when you're an actor, people are like, what are you shooting? And you're like, nothing. Like, are you in The Revenant Part 2? You're like, no, I'm just – I got nothing going on.

Ooh. It's almost like this is your life a little bit. Yeah.

Wait, who are you going to say? Sorry.

Two of my all-time faves. Truly.

I'm a girl dad. I'm a girl boss. And that's problematic. I'm a girl interrupted. Yeah. Uh, it is, you know, I grew up in a house with boys, just me and my brother. And, um, it is, it is a delight. Like it is like, you know, and again, I'm in that zone where they are really like still little and they want to play and they are asking me questions about the world. You know what I mean?

And I'm very well aware of the fact that there will be a time where they're just like, they won't even be texting. They'll have like a chip in their brain and be like, dad, I'm shipping right now.

Oh, Jesus, yes.

Come on, let's cut loose.

I remember like when I was like, Like my parents would have like friends over for dinner and I would like after dinner walk around and be like, let me see your cigar. Like, you know what I mean? Like I was like doing bits and like imitating Indiana Jones and stuff. And so like I do love, you know, being around people.

I love like sitting around like a bunch of your friends, like doing bits and laughing and maybe having a few drinks. Like that is a very, very fun time. And I'm not stuffy. Again, I'm a lot like Rodney Dangerfield.

Nice Stanley.

You can get him.

No, this is a Yeti. You should get a Yeti as a sponsor, but an actual Yeti.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

I mean, what do I know? I'm just a dumbass.

It is a golden age for those types of people in all fields. Like when you go onto your Instagram algorithm or TikTok algorithm, you just see people that are just like, I'm here to tell you that if you eat oatmeal, you will literally die. And like, they're so confident. You're like, I was going to have a bowl of oatmeal, but let me see what they're up to.

Yes, you are right. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Especially workout stuff too. Like I'm like, oh, oh, this is top five ways to like, to like do sit-ups without doing sit-ups. Yeah, sign me up. And then you see like a doctor comment and being like, I'm actually a spine doctor. This will, you'll never walk again if you do this. And you're like, okay, what do I do here?

One of the great things about having kids is you get to go back and you get to watch shows with them that you love. So I have gone through Seinfeld with my kids and they loved Seinfeld.

They loved it. They do?

They love everyone. They love JLD.

They love Kramer. They love Kramer's stand-up. No, I'm joking. He's a maniac. But they just love the show. They love the show. And then we started the Mindy Project, which they were very into. They got into The Office. Next on the docket is a little show called Parks and Rec.

They're going to love it. like freak out about. So going back and watching those, like watching three episodes of a sitcom that you have seen before but you love very much is like mother's milk to me. Like it's so nice, it's so relaxing. It is just, it just makes you laugh really hard and also just takes you back To that time, you know what I mean?

You instantly go back to like 2012 and you're like, what a different world, what a different time. So those are the main ones. But I also like, I love when I see like a totally new thing. Like I loved, I love, you ever seen the movie Bottoms?

I loved that movie. So good. It reminded me of one of my all-time favorite comedies. A very big movie in our house, which happens to star one Amy Poehler, Hamlet 2. I'm not even kidding you. It is a masterpiece. It is one of the funniest movies ever made. I've seen it dozens of times. It's one of Eric and I's favorites. We always tell people about it. We're like, have you seen Hamlet 2?

And they're like, what?

Steve Coogan, literally one of the funniest men of all time. And you and a bunch of high schoolers, Catherine Keener. Yes. The Bottoms reminded me of that. And it came out of nowhere. I'd never seen a lot of those people before. So when I see things like that. And then – You know, there is TikTok. There is, you know.

Once I learn how to do it.

A lot of chefs. A lot of chef work.

Yeah, there's those guys. But then there's the guys that are, like,

shirtless and they're like yeah kneading dough like putting their face in the dough like it's like a butt like and you're like it's like too much guys you're turning them out a little too much yeah ike i love you so much thank you for doing this i can really say without a doubt this was you know what it's a good hang oh my god it was a good hang please just come back all the time let's do it tomorrow all right let's do it tomorrow see you then fantastic

You are one of the great collectors of fake food in North America.

Fake garlic. I'm obsessed with this tiny Nutri-Grain. Can I have one?

I can't prove this, but I feel that the people who make these are perverts. You know, I mean, there's something mildly perverted about it in a good way.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Perverts can be great. Agree. Some of our greatest Americans have been perverts. FDR, hands down the best president. Huge pervert.

But to your point, perverts can be good. Creeps almost always are bad.

Yes.

Welcome back to Justice for Perverts.

Consensual adults. Everyone's into it.

I might cake shame a little bit just because it's a waste of a delicious cake.

I love food. I take it very seriously. And when I see someone sitting in it and touching themselves, I'm just thinking, like, someone really put love into that cake and spent time baking. But to your point, I love a good pervert. Creeps, no thank you.

I had a friend who I loved, and he had a dad who I actually liked a lot. But I remember going to their house as a kid, and the dad had Playboys in the bathroom. And I was like, amazing. This is the greatest thing in the world. And then his parents got divorced, and then the next time I went over there, he had Hustler under there.

And then you're like, ugh. Because Playboy, you're like, when you're a, whatever, eight-year-old boy, you're like, ugh.

Hustler, you're like, that's pee. We're talking about pee now, which is not great for a young man.

Could not be more well said. I believe it was Mark Twain who first coined that phrase.

How's my hairpiece, by the way?

This got woven into my head this morning. Looks gorgeous.

This is just good old Elmer's. Little numbers picked up at right age. You know, paste it on there. It's a glue stick though. So it's not like, I don't have white glue all over my head.

No, I hate it because I have like seven hairs left in my head. You do not. Well, yeah. But whenever they pull them out, like the clips, it just, that hair comes out.

You are a great wig wearer though. Like when you used to like old UCB SNL sketches, you really wore a wig better than anyone, better than anyone in this whole town.

Yes.

Let's be real.

We met in, I can tell you pretty much like the exact year is like 1996. I had just started taking classes at Improv Olympic, which was your former theater. And you guys had just left like five months before I started to go start UCB. Maybe it was a year, but whatever. You guys had left and UCB was already kind of like the cool thing.

And I remember they were like, hey, there's a Amy Poehler and Matt Besserer coming back to teach a workshop. At ImprovOlympic at like 11 a.m. on a Monday. So I had a day job and I lied to my boss. I was like, I have the flu. And I went and no one – like for some reason it was just me and three other people. And Matt Besser was like, yeah, we can't do this with this few amount of people.

And so I remember you were like, why don't we just smoke a joint in the green room?

And I was like, this is the coolest person I've ever met in my life. Like, I'm obsessed. This is incredible. And then you guys came back and did the workshop. And I remember the first half of the workshop was you teaching us just getting in there and doing scenes. And I was like, this woman is the greatest improv teacher I've ever seen in my life. Like, oh, my God, I love her. She's the greatest.

And then the second half was Besser. who was trying to teach us the Mortal Kombat form, you know?

And the group of improvisers that were doing the workshop, we were all bad. We were all, like, very young and green and trying to get – and the form wasn't going well. I'll never forget Matt Besser, God bless him. He goes at one point, he goes, no, I should have done something else.

Yes, yes. But I was still like, it was such an amazing memory for me because it was really when I first immersed myself in our world. And it was always cool. And then whenever, like, you know, I'd be at a friend's house watching Conan and you would, like, come up and do a bit. I'd be like, she taught us in the workshop. Smoked a joint with her. Yeah.

Yeah, I went to college for a year at Boston University and just did not enjoy it, was not going to class, was very distracted. And I knew I wasn't going to go back. I knew I – I was being drawn to acting and I went to go randomly see the improv Olympics 10th anniversary show. And I believe you guys shot a video. And I was just blown away by seeing you guys saw McKay for the first time.