Iliza Shlesinger
speaker
495 appearances
4 recordings
3 series
first heard Nov 2024
last heard Apr 2025
Iliza Shlesinger’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
Yeah, like you could at least introduce yourself or say hi. I mean, but there is, I always feel bad when like a comic is like, I couldn't get in. I'm like, if you're a comic, you can come in. You can always come in for free. I don't want people to think that and then you just say it, but you're allowed into these spaces to just hang out.
Oh, and they don't want anything too.
Oh, the most humbling is when I'm like, did you? Because sometimes I'll say it because I know someone will be nervous because I'll pick up on the energy. I'll be like, did you want a picture? And then they say no. And I'm like, I'll just go fuck myself then. I didn't want to give you.
They'll wait in your VIP. This may not be relatable to a lot of people listening. They'll wait in your VIP line with people who paid a lot of money to meet you and have a photo. And then they'll say, I don't want a photo. I just wanted to say hi or thank you. And I'm like, okay, but you spent a hundred. This is still a hundred dollars. You sure you don't want a quick Snapchat? Quick something?
Nope. Nope. Do you just want it? Okay. I respect it.
Yeah.
So what do you do? That's your tour manager's job. We have a policy, one picture per group. You guys all came together. You have each other's numbers. You give the phone to the tour manager and we bang them out. There's no, I don't want to see you fiddle with your LG chocolate razor.
No fiddling.
I don't want to see it. Just have it ready.
With your Kawasaki jet ski. I don't want to see you.
It was, it was so cool. I never had one, but they looked really cool.
Just so everyone at home knows, Dana Carvey's holding up an iPhone 6, and I don't know how he still has it.
No, no, it's a normal phone. It's a normal phone. He's holding up an iPod Shuffle.
People have... People have phones that just perform a phone call duty. It doesn't have the internet. Like people are going back to that now since we're all getting drug dealer.
Is that how badly you want to show people videos? Like Dana Carver's just walking around like, look at this cooking video. Look at this hibachi video.
Oh, that's what you... Oh, I thought you meant like you got me hook, line, and sinker. No, I said... You meant that they were sex workers.
Yeah, what is that, David? What's that about?
Okay, so I'm going to tell you the truth that nobody's going to cop to. Oftentimes, when you see someone with two phones, if they're not a drug dealer, and there are, I can think of a Kevin Gates song about having two phones. It's called Two Phones. It's oftentimes just a performative flex. Like, they're like, sorry, I just get so many. I can't. I'm like, this is sorry.
This is a micro computer with the entire power of the world in it. And you're telling me you're so disordered. You have so much going on that the internet can't hold all of your information. Your phone book is so full that you need two different. Yeah. And I think if you're a mega celebrity, like most people just won't have your number. I'm not even that famous.
And most of my calls go to an assistant. So the two phone thing, unless you have one for work that you throw in a drawer at the end of the day is really and people like hold them up to be like, oh, sorry, I just have two of these. Like, OK, we get it.
Showing 261–280 of 495 · page 14 of 25
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