Jaackmate (Jack)

He's a crafty little sucker.

I'm also not a good liar.

No.

What you've done is you've brought me into a situation where you need to tell a very cool story and you are a storyteller and a narcissist.

I once spent a week in the Caribbean with Susan Boyle.

We were on the same cruise boat.

I was performing.

Okay.

And I think she was just having a holiday, but I didn't get to ask her.

She was secreted to separate, more exclusive parts of the boat that comedians weren't allowed to just fucking wander into.

Yes.

Well, yeah, I mean, I guess so.

No, maybe not in a pomp, because I guess she was famous in around 2004.

And I was about 21 at the time, so this would have been 2011.

Okay.

She was still known.

I mean, look, they gave her entire sections of the boat to her set because she did not want to be... And not in, like, a diva-y way.

I don't want to picture her as, like, she was screaming about it.

But, like, you know, there were lots of people on this boat who, Americans and Scots, who absolutely knew who she was.

No, not at all.