Jake Haendel

meaning of life and death and I was having these deep philosophical thoughts and conversations with myself and it finally got to a point where you know I was convinced that I would die or be like this forever and had to come to terms with that and peace with that I started thinking about why why I'd been so upset and depressed my entire life.

meaning of life and death and I was having these deep philosophical thoughts and conversations with myself and it finally got to a point where you know I was convinced that I would die or be like this forever and had to come to terms with that and peace with that I started thinking about why why I'd been so upset and depressed my entire life.

Essentially what started happening was there was this voice that was kind of like down in my chest, my heart, and I would be talking to myself in my original voice before I got sick from my heart. And my brain was... A version of my original voice, but deeper and wiser and more calm, would answer me. And I started having these conversations, you know, two voices, same voice, one deeper, both mine.

Essentially what started happening was there was this voice that was kind of like down in my chest, my heart, and I would be talking to myself in my original voice before I got sick from my heart. And my brain was... A version of my original voice, but deeper and wiser and more calm, would answer me. And I started having these conversations, you know, two voices, same voice, one deeper, both mine.

So I never had time to grieve. I was, like, getting real with my next steps in life. Trying to figure out, like, where I live and money. You know, survival. I just kind of went off the rails. I obviously knew what happened, but I more understood the full picture when I talked through this with two voices.

So I never had time to grieve. I was, like, getting real with my next steps in life. Trying to figure out, like, where I live and money. You know, survival. I just kind of went off the rails. I obviously knew what happened, but I more understood the full picture when I talked through this with two voices.

This self-help therapy retreat that happened in my own body, in silence, in medical arrest, probably took place for two months. And when I came at the other side of it, I was more at peace. Don't get me wrong, still miserable, still in pain, still probably looking forward to death at that point, but I was more okay with it after this self-talk. My brain, he took his time with his words.

This self-help therapy retreat that happened in my own body, in silence, in medical arrest, probably took place for two months. And when I came at the other side of it, I was more at peace. Don't get me wrong, still miserable, still in pain, still probably looking forward to death at that point, but I was more okay with it after this self-talk. My brain, he took his time with his words.

They were not as rushed as my panicky searching for answers. It was just Very sure of himself and calm, collective, and seemed to have all the answers. Something I don't think I ever really had, but I guess this was all me. I guess I did have the answers the entire time. It came from my brain. Amazing what the brain can do in this situation.

They were not as rushed as my panicky searching for answers. It was just Very sure of himself and calm, collective, and seemed to have all the answers. Something I don't think I ever really had, but I guess this was all me. I guess I did have the answers the entire time. It came from my brain. Amazing what the brain can do in this situation.

You know, there's a lot of distractions in life when you're able to move around, talk to people. Most people don't have to sit with the thought by themselves for too long. Even those that choose to, you know, it's an hour and then move on to something else. I had no choice. I was like, all right, Jake, why were you so fucked up? Why was it always the next thing? Why were you such an addict?

You know, there's a lot of distractions in life when you're able to move around, talk to people. Most people don't have to sit with the thought by themselves for too long. Even those that choose to, you know, it's an hour and then move on to something else. I had no choice. I was like, all right, Jake, why were you so fucked up? Why was it always the next thing? Why were you such an addict?

Why did I become such a mess? But it also was like other relationships, you know, romantic ones. It's so hard to explain. I just, I grieved all of it, you know, in this time. And I thought about what I could have done differently and what I should have done. You know, I had every thought pretty much imaginable during this time. There was never any like, oh, I wish I could go back and do it again.

Why did I become such a mess? But it also was like other relationships, you know, romantic ones. It's so hard to explain. I just, I grieved all of it, you know, in this time. And I thought about what I could have done differently and what I should have done. You know, I had every thought pretty much imaginable during this time. There was never any like, oh, I wish I could go back and do it again.

It was more like it is what it is. This happened. It was just trying to get some peace with it before death. I also knew it was a very real possibility. I'd be trapped like that for eternity forever. That's when I realized there was something scarier than death. And it was being trapped in your own body, complete isolation for the remainder of your life.

It was more like it is what it is. This happened. It was just trying to get some peace with it before death. I also knew it was a very real possibility. I'd be trapped like that for eternity forever. That's when I realized there was something scarier than death. And it was being trapped in your own body, complete isolation for the remainder of your life.

Which, at that juncture, I started realizing might be another 50 years. And a day felt like a month, and a month felt like a year.

Which, at that juncture, I started realizing might be another 50 years. And a day felt like a month, and a month felt like a year.

And he goes, he's moving something, he's moving something. Hey, I don't know if you can hear me, but if you can do that again. And I did. I didn't know I did, but apparently I did. And they were like, wow, I want them under observation. I want someone from nonverbal augmentive speech therapy to come in and teach them how to blink. And in a week or two weeks, I was communicating by eye blink.

And he goes, he's moving something, he's moving something. Hey, I don't know if you can hear me, but if you can do that again. And I did. I didn't know I did, but apparently I did. And they were like, wow, I want them under observation. I want someone from nonverbal augmentive speech therapy to come in and teach them how to blink. And in a week or two weeks, I was communicating by eye blink.