Jake Haendel

I was partially honest about some. It came to the point where I couldn't even go to the bathroom without her. What are you doing in there? What are you doing in there? And, like, probably 70% of the time, you know, I was sneaking a hit or something. It actually started making me do more. Anyway, still looking forward to this RV trip. I was like, look, I want to go with you.

I was partially honest about some. It came to the point where I couldn't even go to the bathroom without her. What are you doing in there? What are you doing in there? And, like, probably 70% of the time, you know, I was sneaking a hit or something. It actually started making me do more. Anyway, still looking forward to this RV trip. I was like, look, I want to go with you.

We can go to Seattle, but I want to be with you. I love you. I won't be able to do drugs. I might be sick for a while, but you know, it'll work. And anyway, it was like a plan. We were going together. I gave notice to Horseshoe Pub. It was kind of one of those stomach-dropping decisions. Like, I felt like, oh, wow, this is, like, real.

We can go to Seattle, but I want to be with you. I love you. I won't be able to do drugs. I might be sick for a while, but you know, it'll work. And anyway, it was like a plan. We were going together. I gave notice to Horseshoe Pub. It was kind of one of those stomach-dropping decisions. Like, I felt like, oh, wow, this is, like, real.

And I gave notice, and I started putting money into the RV and time and making fixes. I remember I mounted, like, 50-inch TV to our master bedroom in the RV. Like, it was sick. And then I got her pregnant a month away before departure. Oh shit. I always wanted to be a dad. The way she told me there was this picture. It looks like a pencil drawing.

And I gave notice, and I started putting money into the RV and time and making fixes. I remember I mounted, like, 50-inch TV to our master bedroom in the RV. Like, it was sick. And then I got her pregnant a month away before departure. Oh shit. I always wanted to be a dad. The way she told me there was this picture. It looks like a pencil drawing.

And she holds it with two eyes and then turns it around. And it's written, I'm pregnant on it. And I thought it was really cute, actually. And I was like, why are you so sad? Is this not a good thing? And she's like, well, I don't know what you want. And I'm like, well... I don't know what you want, but if you want, I want. Like, I love you. It's your choice. Yeah, that's how I feel.

And she holds it with two eyes and then turns it around. And it's written, I'm pregnant on it. And I thought it was really cute, actually. And I was like, why are you so sad? Is this not a good thing? And she's like, well, I don't know what you want. And I'm like, well... I don't know what you want, but if you want, I want. Like, I love you. It's your choice. Yeah, that's how I feel.

Even if I really want it, it's your choice. Hugged her kiss or this RV trip is like, do we go? Do we not? I was like, fuck. I gotta get clean. I gotta save money. I gotta get a job. I had always told myself, stop doing drugs. When I have a kid, or I hit 30. One or the other. Now, we never got to see if it'd live up to that totally. Three and a half months in, she has a miscarriage.

Even if I really want it, it's your choice. Hugged her kiss or this RV trip is like, do we go? Do we not? I was like, fuck. I gotta get clean. I gotta save money. I gotta get a job. I had always told myself, stop doing drugs. When I have a kid, or I hit 30. One or the other. Now, we never got to see if it'd live up to that totally. Three and a half months in, she has a miscarriage.

And it fucking crushed me. Obviously her, too. I went off the deep end. Things weren't perfect between me and Ellen. I just remember us arguing. It was... I don't know. I was very sad. And I do what I do best in those times of depression. I... I go to self-medicating and...

And it fucking crushed me. Obviously her, too. I went off the deep end. Things weren't perfect between me and Ellen. I just remember us arguing. It was... I don't know. I was very sad. And I do what I do best in those times of depression. I... I go to self-medicating and...

this whole kind of gotta be prepared to be a father went out the window immediately and first thing I did is I went to the bar started drinking pretty hard and started doing heroin in the bar's bathroom just getting fucked up I don't think I was too responsive to her calls in this time where I probably you know should have been there for her

this whole kind of gotta be prepared to be a father went out the window immediately and first thing I did is I went to the bar started drinking pretty hard and started doing heroin in the bar's bathroom just getting fucked up I don't think I was too responsive to her calls in this time where I probably you know should have been there for her

I was fully back into the heroin, opiate use, and drinking heavy. I stopped giving a fuck about hiding any drug use. I would smoke this shit in front of her. I didn't give a shit. That's when our relationship really got fucked up. Our relationship just got bad. Talking about breaking up bad. We haven't had fun in a long time. I'm like, let's go out. I'll get us a hotel.

I was fully back into the heroin, opiate use, and drinking heavy. I stopped giving a fuck about hiding any drug use. I would smoke this shit in front of her. I didn't give a shit. That's when our relationship really got fucked up. Our relationship just got bad. Talking about breaking up bad. We haven't had fun in a long time. I'm like, let's go out. I'll get us a hotel.

Let's give this one last shot. One of my favorite places, always been my favorite place, still is Liberty Hotel in Boston. Ironically, right next to the neuro ICU I was in for a long time.

Let's give this one last shot. One of my favorite places, always been my favorite place, still is Liberty Hotel in Boston. Ironically, right next to the neuro ICU I was in for a long time.

We're going to have a nice dinner. I'll get a sweet. You'll love it there. We check in, but she's not feeling it. And in Liberty fashion, our hotel room phone rings. It's like 7 o'clock. And they're like, this is automated call from Liberty. There is a party in the lobby tonight from 9 to 2 a.m. Feel free to come. Complimentary first round drink. And I'm like... There's a party tonight.

We're going to have a nice dinner. I'll get a sweet. You'll love it there. We check in, but she's not feeling it. And in Liberty fashion, our hotel room phone rings. It's like 7 o'clock. And they're like, this is automated call from Liberty. There is a party in the lobby tonight from 9 to 2 a.m. Feel free to come. Complimentary first round drink. And I'm like... There's a party tonight.