Jake Haendel

They were like, acute means is happening right now. Toxic means inhalation of a toxin. Progressive means it will only get worse, never get better. And leukoencephalopathy means disease of the white matter of the brain. I didn't know what it really looked like for me, but then they got into that and they were like, so you might survive this. You know, that would be very rare.

They were like, acute means is happening right now. Toxic means inhalation of a toxin. Progressive means it will only get worse, never get better. And leukoencephalopathy means disease of the white matter of the brain. I didn't know what it really looked like for me, but then they got into that and they were like, so you might survive this. You know, that would be very rare.

But month one, you won't be able to walk. Month two, you'll have a difficult time sitting. Month three, trouble talking and swallowing. Month four and five is when you're, you know, stage four, end of life type thing. And then you'll likely slip into a coma and die. And I said that a lot. I was like...

But month one, you won't be able to walk. Month two, you'll have a difficult time sitting. Month three, trouble talking and swallowing. Month four and five is when you're, you know, stage four, end of life type thing. And then you'll likely slip into a coma and die. And I said that a lot. I was like...

I really fucked up and I'm just thinking about, you know, where I went wrong in life and thinking about my mom who died. And I'm just like, I really, really screwed up and not the way I thought my life was headed.

I really fucked up and I'm just thinking about, you know, where I went wrong in life and thinking about my mom who died. And I'm just like, I really, really screwed up and not the way I thought my life was headed.

I sat there with my thoughts, lied there for 20 minutes. I kind of said to myself, well, fuck it, you're dead anyway. And picked up the phone and called my ex, Adrian. And I said, can you bring me a package to UMass Memorial Hospital? And she's like, what's wrong? I go, it's not good, but I just need a little something. She's like, yeah, of course, I got you. But what's happening?

I sat there with my thoughts, lied there for 20 minutes. I kind of said to myself, well, fuck it, you're dead anyway. And picked up the phone and called my ex, Adrian. And I said, can you bring me a package to UMass Memorial Hospital? And she's like, what's wrong? I go, it's not good, but I just need a little something. She's like, yeah, of course, I got you. But what's happening?

I'm like, oh, they're just giving me six months to live. She's like, oh, my fucking God. Jake, I can't bring that to you. And I was like, I'm dead anyway. I'm going to die. And she's like, don't make me do this. I'm like, I don't want to make you do anything, but please. And, yeah, she came back. I started getting high in my hospital bed, smoking off tinfoil.

I'm like, oh, they're just giving me six months to live. She's like, oh, my fucking God. Jake, I can't bring that to you. And I was like, I'm dead anyway. I'm going to die. And she's like, don't make me do this. I'm like, I don't want to make you do anything, but please. And, yeah, she came back. I started getting high in my hospital bed, smoking off tinfoil.

I was having a hard time even smoking it anymore. I was like deteriorating that rapidly. I couldn't even do something. I... Teed multiple times a day, you know, for years. And the nurse walks in and sees me. And she's like, what? And I'm like, what's the difference? She's like, hold on, leaves the room. And a bunch of doctors come in.

I was having a hard time even smoking it anymore. I was like deteriorating that rapidly. I couldn't even do something. I... Teed multiple times a day, you know, for years. And the nurse walks in and sees me. And she's like, what? And I'm like, what's the difference? She's like, hold on, leaves the room. And a bunch of doctors come in.

The cops were like, we know what's going on here. You do it if you want to do it. But you should think about how you want to live your remaining days. And they left me with that. My wife came back after the cops looked around for the sash. And she was like, I'm leaving you. Like, I'm out of here. You're on your own.

The cops were like, we know what's going on here. You do it if you want to do it. But you should think about how you want to live your remaining days. And they left me with that. My wife came back after the cops looked around for the sash. And she was like, I'm leaving you. Like, I'm out of here. You're on your own.

I'm like, I'm thinking about, you know, when I was watching my mom die in hospice and how that led me to this rough path of self-medicating and, you know, really fucked me up emotionally. And I'm like, you know, I love my wife and. I'm just like, yeah, you should not stick around for this. You know, like, it's not good. I don't blame you. I could tell she was so angry and hurt.

I'm like, I'm thinking about, you know, when I was watching my mom die in hospice and how that led me to this rough path of self-medicating and, you know, really fucked me up emotionally. And I'm like, you know, I love my wife and. I'm just like, yeah, you should not stick around for this. You know, like, it's not good. I don't blame you. I could tell she was so angry and hurt.

That's why she was just being rough with her words. And, you know, she's like, I'm going to Seattle. And I knew it was in Seattle, her ex in Seattle. Going back with him. She ducked off. She got a flight. She went to Seattle. She's gone. I think gone forever, kind of. After two hours smoking this, I'm just kind of like, all right. I know how I want to, like, live my last days.

That's why she was just being rough with her words. And, you know, she's like, I'm going to Seattle. And I knew it was in Seattle, her ex in Seattle. Going back with him. She ducked off. She got a flight. She went to Seattle. She's gone. I think gone forever, kind of. After two hours smoking this, I'm just kind of like, all right. I know how I want to, like, live my last days.

I threw the shit, like, on the floor, and I was like, I'm done with that. For me, but also for my dad and my siblings and even my wife, even though she's gone. So I make the decision. This was May 25th, 2017, Memorial Day weekend, to just... you know, fight and not get high.

I threw the shit, like, on the floor, and I was like, I'm done with that. For me, but also for my dad and my siblings and even my wife, even though she's gone. So I make the decision. This was May 25th, 2017, Memorial Day weekend, to just... you know, fight and not get high.