James Cordova

And the changes that we would work on with couples is increasing the frequency with which they were doing nice things for each other.

We called that behavior exchange.

Teaching them how to communicate more effectively, teaching them how to problem-solve more effectively.

But as it turned out, even though it is a therapy that has demonstrable effectiveness, none of those skills would follow couples home.

So there is some change happening, but it's difficult for couples to sustain it.

When we first get together, we're adjusting to each other and the things that are easy to adjust to, we adjust to so quickly that we almost don't even notice that we've done it.

Like which side of the bed are you gonna sleep on?

Which side of the bed am I gonna sleep on?

Not usually an issue.

And then just above that are what I think of as like mezzanine level problems that we might have to struggle with a little bit.

Sometimes they take weeks, months or years, but we do eventually solve them and then we're good.

I've been a long-term cyclist, and I guess there's two aspects to that that are important.

One is I've become something of an endorphin addict, so it's just like it's a necessary part of who I am.

And two, bike riding like road cycling is dangerous.

I've been hit by cars like three times.

So the last time I was hit by a car, my wife responded to that lovingly as please don't ever ride your bike again, which I tried to limit.

But I get like very fussy when it's been too many days between the last like good bicycle ride.

So this cycling problem is a really good example of what I mean by a mezzanine level problem because the solution didn't come quickly or easily.

There actually was a lot of push and push back.

I was trying to get her to change to just be much more accepting of my cycling.