Jeannie Suk Gersen

Yes.

When you look at that situation, which I think is extremely common, you think to yourself, did this couple, did these two people ask themselves and each other what they were exchanging and how fair that exchange was?

What was each giving up?

What was each giving to the other?

What was each going to owe the other person, right?

And these, of course, this language of owing and giving and exchange is for many people anathema to a romantic connection.

But that is, I think, a delusion to think that a marriage can be devoid of those things.

And in fact, that is what a marriage ultimately is when you strip it down.

It is an exchange, right?

Exactly.

And maybe, you know, if you get through those tough years, of course, many marriages go through tough years and then they have a better period.

That's wonderful.

But if those tough years end up harming the connection,

and the intimacy, which sometimes it can, that's when they're going to be forced to talk about these questions about exchange and who owes what and who gave what and who sacrificed what.

And that is when Lisa's going to realize she is owing Andy financial support.

And then, of course, Andy might get financial support from Lisa, but is he going to truly feel compensated for the things he gave up?

Well, if they had thought about this, it's possible that Lisa would have looked at the situation that I mapped out and would have thought, well...

Maybe it's not a good idea for Andy to give up his job that he likes.

And it's better to take on loans now than to have Andy give up his career.

That is a possibility.