Jeff English

It can be a generational thing, and it comes from somewhere else. But shame can play out two different ways. Some of us, when we're living from our shame, we live out of superiority. Grandiose shame. Grandiosity. I control. I perfect. I judge. I criticize. Out of my woundedness, out of my shame, that can be the me that you see on the outside.

It can be a generational thing, and it comes from somewhere else. But shame can play out two different ways. Some of us, when we're living from our shame, we live out of superiority. Grandiose shame. Grandiosity. I control. I perfect. I judge. I criticize. Out of my woundedness, out of my shame, that can be the me that you see on the outside.

And some folks, the other side of that coin, of course, is inferiority. Broken. Worthless. Am I pathology?

And some folks, the other side of that coin, of course, is inferiority. Broken. Worthless. Am I pathology?

That thing you just said is the thing, though, that I can't not hold focus on. That little conversation that you just had with self. Now, you've done the work. You're still doing the work. I'm looking at the journal sitting in front of me. That's just a portion of the work. But having that voice that you've obviously cultivated, that's where the hope is. Because, again, to live in simplicity.

That thing you just said is the thing, though, that I can't not hold focus on. That little conversation that you just had with self. Now, you've done the work. You're still doing the work. I'm looking at the journal sitting in front of me. That's just a portion of the work. But having that voice that you've obviously cultivated, that's where the hope is. Because, again, to live in simplicity.

I say I hate to oversimplify, but I don't. At the end of the day, I got bad news for the folks out there who think that there's going to come a time through my healing that I just never get triggered again, especially those of us who have experienced trauma. Bad news. You will be triggered again.

I say I hate to oversimplify, but I don't. At the end of the day, I got bad news for the folks out there who think that there's going to come a time through my healing that I just never get triggered again, especially those of us who have experienced trauma. Bad news. You will be triggered again.

And this whole integration game is about starting to live a life where I tell stories that go like this. I noticed that I was starting to be really judgmental. I noticed I was getting triggered. I had this little short, subtle thought, conversation, whatever that looked like. Maybe there was something somatic that happened with my body that I did.

And this whole integration game is about starting to live a life where I tell stories that go like this. I noticed that I was starting to be really judgmental. I noticed I was getting triggered. I had this little short, subtle thought, conversation, whatever that looked like. Maybe there was something somatic that happened with my body that I did.

But I had this thing that I cultivated, this new muscle that gave me enough space to to choose my next step when so many of us, especially out of our shame, out of our trauma, have lived a life telling so many stories that go like this. I got triggered and then I did this. And that's the reaction versus the response. Simple goal, complex process.

But I had this thing that I cultivated, this new muscle that gave me enough space to to choose my next step when so many of us, especially out of our shame, out of our trauma, have lived a life telling so many stories that go like this. I got triggered and then I did this. And that's the reaction versus the response. Simple goal, complex process.

First thing is trying to create an emotionally safe place. If we can create a space where folks feel like they can let their outside match their inside, then we got a chance for the magic to happen. Learning a new language, one of those things is I statements.

First thing is trying to create an emotionally safe place. If we can create a space where folks feel like they can let their outside match their inside, then we got a chance for the magic to happen. Learning a new language, one of those things is I statements.

Where so many of us want to make statements for the world, the we, it's a lot easier to address someone's behavior when we're tired of this or we're tired of you doing that. How many times a client may come up to me and say something to the effect of, when is somebody going to say something to Peter about being 10 minutes late to group? You were never, but hear me out here.

Where so many of us want to make statements for the world, the we, it's a lot easier to address someone's behavior when we're tired of this or we're tired of you doing that. How many times a client may come up to me and say something to the effect of, when is somebody going to say something to Peter about being 10 minutes late to group? You were never, but hear me out here.

And the answer is, I think the appropriate answer is, we're wondering the same thing. Because if I say it, it weighs about 10 pounds. But again, within that group process, if another peer going through this process rigorous journey with me, says it, it tends to weigh a little bit more. That Kleenex rule, you mentioned that.

And the answer is, I think the appropriate answer is, we're wondering the same thing. Because if I say it, it weighs about 10 pounds. But again, within that group process, if another peer going through this process rigorous journey with me, says it, it tends to weigh a little bit more. That Kleenex rule, you mentioned that.

There's so much that comes out of, I don't even know what a box of Kleenex costs nowadays. Used to say 99 cents, right? Like so much can come out of that. How hard it is for some clients not to give somebody a Kleenex. You can have the best of intentions in the world, but out of our woundedness, our trauma, our shame, so many of us, the commonality is professional,

There's so much that comes out of, I don't even know what a box of Kleenex costs nowadays. Used to say 99 cents, right? Like so much can come out of that. How hard it is for some clients not to give somebody a Kleenex. You can have the best of intentions in the world, but out of our woundedness, our trauma, our shame, so many of us, the commonality is professional,