Jeff English

And so I guess what I mean by the abandonment for me being this umbrella wound is, is when you abuse me, you abandon me. I keep going to parents because those are the folks that we spend the most of our time with in those formative years. But any of these wounds can happen with anybody in our life. And they can also happen anytime in life. It's not limited to childhood.

And so I guess what I mean by the abandonment for me being this umbrella wound is, is when you abuse me, you abandon me. I keep going to parents because those are the folks that we spend the most of our time with in those formative years. But any of these wounds can happen with anybody in our life. And they can also happen anytime in life. It's not limited to childhood.

When you get something happening when the brain and the body is developing, it gets concrete. That gets cemented. It gets burnt in. That thing that I'm talking about getting burnt in is how I adapted. I mentioned that the question is what happened to me, but I believe the most important discovery is how I adapted. You talk about that tree.

When you get something happening when the brain and the body is developing, it gets concrete. That gets cemented. It gets burnt in. That thing that I'm talking about getting burnt in is how I adapted. I mentioned that the question is what happened to me, but I believe the most important discovery is how I adapted. You talk about that tree.

We're talking about the roots being the wounding experiences. And then that top of that tree is the manifestations, if you will, of the woundedness. This is how I survived. And so you have codependence. You have addictive patterns. You have attachment issues and a whole slew of just survival strategies, maladaptive survival strategies.

We're talking about the roots being the wounding experiences. And then that top of that tree is the manifestations, if you will, of the woundedness. This is how I survived. And so you have codependence. You have addictive patterns. You have attachment issues and a whole slew of just survival strategies, maladaptive survival strategies.

And as I say that word maladaptive, I want to wash my mouth out with soap. because they are ingenious damage control strategies. The way I describe them, it's an old friend that served me well, and perhaps now it's making life hard.

And as I say that word maladaptive, I want to wash my mouth out with soap. because they are ingenious damage control strategies. The way I describe them, it's an old friend that served me well, and perhaps now it's making life hard.

The best example I can give is of a four-year-old boy spending a lot of time in his bedroom, playing with the door closed, playing loud, so that he doesn't have to hear what's going on in the rest of the house. And then one particular day, he hears his mother, in a voice he has never heard before, tell his father that she thinks her arm's gonna be broken, and he has to open the door.

The best example I can give is of a four-year-old boy spending a lot of time in his bedroom, playing with the door closed, playing loud, so that he doesn't have to hear what's going on in the rest of the house. And then one particular day, he hears his mother, in a voice he has never heard before, tell his father that she thinks her arm's gonna be broken, and he has to open the door.

When he opens the door, he sees his mother up against the refrigerator. And the boy's father has got her in a hammerlock, arms behind her. And the little boy's got to do something. And he's really outgunned. Because let's say dad's 35 and he's four. So he starts walking towards them. And the first room on the right is the bathroom. And he goes into the bathroom.

When he opens the door, he sees his mother up against the refrigerator. And the boy's father has got her in a hammerlock, arms behind her. And the little boy's got to do something. And he's really outgunned. Because let's say dad's 35 and he's four. So he starts walking towards them. And the first room on the right is the bathroom. And he goes into the bathroom.

And he lifts the lid on the toilet and he feigns, fakes, acts as if he's vomiting. And the next thing he hears is, do you hear that your son's getting sick? And dad lets mom go. Now, does the boy go back into his bedroom and get out a little journal and write down manipulation and deception are very effective in life? Probably not.

And he lifts the lid on the toilet and he feigns, fakes, acts as if he's vomiting. And the next thing he hears is, do you hear that your son's getting sick? And dad lets mom go. Now, does the boy go back into his bedroom and get out a little journal and write down manipulation and deception are very effective in life? Probably not.

But I say he learned a powerful lesson that day about deception and manipulation. It got him out of trouble. It got his mom out of trouble that day. An old friend that served him well, but perhaps is making life hard. Because healthy folks in adult relationships, Peter, they don't dig deception and manipulation.

But I say he learned a powerful lesson that day about deception and manipulation. It got him out of trouble. It got his mom out of trouble that day. An old friend that served him well, but perhaps is making life hard. Because healthy folks in adult relationships, Peter, they don't dig deception and manipulation.

So that's where my old friend can get in my driver's seat, you could say, and make life hard for me. But a very adaptive skill. I would call it a skill. Some folks would use the language of a character defect. I'm not against that language. I just prefer a skill.

So that's where my old friend can get in my driver's seat, you could say, and make life hard for me. But a very adaptive skill. I would call it a skill. Some folks would use the language of a character defect. I'm not against that language. I just prefer a skill.

Codependency, the spirit of it, and it's not my definition, it's an old one, but it's the one I prefer. It's an outer reach for inner security. I can't draw that thing from inside of me. I have to get that from something or someone else. You let Jeff know he's okay, I can be okay. But if you're not okay with Jeff, it's hard for me to be okay with Jeff.

Codependency, the spirit of it, and it's not my definition, it's an old one, but it's the one I prefer. It's an outer reach for inner security. I can't draw that thing from inside of me. I have to get that from something or someone else. You let Jeff know he's okay, I can be okay. But if you're not okay with Jeff, it's hard for me to be okay with Jeff.