Jeff English

That's a blanket summary and I think an accurate summary of codependence. And your addictive patterns, addictions, addictive patterns, I mean, again, these can be substances, these can be process. When I talk about the ego states, the parts, my guard states,

That's a blanket summary and I think an accurate summary of codependence. And your addictive patterns, addictions, addictive patterns, I mean, again, these can be substances, these can be process. When I talk about the ego states, the parts, my guard states,

Those parts of me that jump in my driver's seat, I look at those through the lens of addictive patterns because it's that concept of powerlessness. You'll hear folks that are in the programs, such as 12-step programs, they talk about being powerless to something. to get into the surrender of being powerless.

Those parts of me that jump in my driver's seat, I look at those through the lens of addictive patterns because it's that concept of powerlessness. You'll hear folks that are in the programs, such as 12-step programs, they talk about being powerless to something. to get into the surrender of being powerless.

Well, you can just take the word alcohol, remove it and replace it with whatever that behavior is. It's the thing that I do. It's not a bad thing that I can do it sometimes. The problem is I can't not do it. So again, this could be work. This could be ambition. This could be anger. This could be many things. And usually these things, they're there for a reason.

Well, you can just take the word alcohol, remove it and replace it with whatever that behavior is. It's the thing that I do. It's not a bad thing that I can do it sometimes. The problem is I can't not do it. So again, this could be work. This could be ambition. This could be anger. This could be many things. And usually these things, they're there for a reason.

And again, we're back to vulnerability is the enemy. So the goal of all of these maladaptive coping skills, patterns, whatever we want to call them is we've got to keep Jeff from being vulnerable. We've got to keep that little boy that had that situation with his mother in that refrigerator. We've had a bad experience with vulnerability.

And again, we're back to vulnerability is the enemy. So the goal of all of these maladaptive coping skills, patterns, whatever we want to call them is we've got to keep Jeff from being vulnerable. We've got to keep that little boy that had that situation with his mother in that refrigerator. We've had a bad experience with vulnerability.

So all these parts of me that step in to my driver's seat, they've got a goal. They do their job in different ways, but the goal is to keep me from being vulnerable. Attachment styles. You get four books, you're probably going to get four different numbers of attachment styles. I like simplicity. You'll probably hear me say that more than once, but simplicity, the three most popular.

So all these parts of me that step in to my driver's seat, they've got a goal. They do their job in different ways, but the goal is to keep me from being vulnerable. Attachment styles. You get four books, you're probably going to get four different numbers of attachment styles. I like simplicity. You'll probably hear me say that more than once, but simplicity, the three most popular.

So you've got anxious attachment. It can be clingy. It can be charming. It can look a lot of different ways, but the more of me I give to you, the more of you I expect from you, that's going to be the best chance to keep this thing going. Now avoidant attachment, the distance. I can be in a relationship and still not give you all of me. I can be with a person, but still have distance.

So you've got anxious attachment. It can be clingy. It can be charming. It can look a lot of different ways, but the more of me I give to you, the more of you I expect from you, that's going to be the best chance to keep this thing going. Now avoidant attachment, the distance. I can be in a relationship and still not give you all of me. I can be with a person, but still have distance.

And then there's, I'm not crazy about it, but disorganized attachment, which is a mixed bag of come here, come here, come here. Now get away. Get you close. Now I need you to get back. That's what happens, unfortunately, with these wounding situations. The thing that we were created for, belonging, connection. Oftentimes that gets coupled with fear.

And then there's, I'm not crazy about it, but disorganized attachment, which is a mixed bag of come here, come here, come here. Now get away. Get you close. Now I need you to get back. That's what happens, unfortunately, with these wounding situations. The thing that we were created for, belonging, connection. Oftentimes that gets coupled with fear.

So that's a powerful thing when you get fear, intensity, things of that coupled with belonging. You can have 10 different attachment styles, unhealthy attachment styles, if you will, but the commonality, the common denominator is going to be the insecurity. They may play out differently behaviorally, but it's the insecurity. Well, what does secure attachment look like, Jeff? Well, I don't know.

So that's a powerful thing when you get fear, intensity, things of that coupled with belonging. You can have 10 different attachment styles, unhealthy attachment styles, if you will, but the commonality, the common denominator is going to be the insecurity. They may play out differently behaviorally, but it's the insecurity. Well, what does secure attachment look like, Jeff? Well, I don't know.

I don't meet those people. But it exists because those folks have trust. And if we go back to the tree, I often think that the wounds or the roots that you keep referring to, it's really the story of my broken trust. How did my trust get broken? And here are all these things that I do ingeniously to handle that.

I don't meet those people. But it exists because those folks have trust. And if we go back to the tree, I often think that the wounds or the roots that you keep referring to, it's really the story of my broken trust. How did my trust get broken? And here are all these things that I do ingeniously to handle that.

I mean, I suppose anything's possible, but with the folks that I've met, crossed paths with, had the honor to work with therapeutically, there's typically always a connection. It gets so tricky because it doesn't really need to be an A plus B equals C. The science of this undoes itself, so to speak.

I mean, I suppose anything's possible, but with the folks that I've met, crossed paths with, had the honor to work with therapeutically, there's typically always a connection. It gets so tricky because it doesn't really need to be an A plus B equals C. The science of this undoes itself, so to speak.