Jeff Guenther

And so how can I have a conversation with you or a feeling of safety in this relationship so that I don't feel judged and criticized and condescended?

and look down upon.

I find that like a lot of dudes typically are like, I know how to spend the money the right way.

I should be the one that has all the control over it.

And you with your, with your girl brain, don't understand.

Even in progressive Portland.

Yeah, I know.

Yeah.

And also, I think that a lot of people are like, okay, well, we're in a couple.

We're in a relationship.

We're even married now.

So you should just be transparent about everything because we have the marriage license.

That's how it works.

But financial transparency is something that is earned.

It's not something that's just given just because you are married now or you're in a committed relationship.

Or whatever.

Like this is something that has to build over time.

And it's also very dependent on that person's past relationships and childhood and the culture and society that they lived in and their relationship with money and yada yada.

Eventually you're going to get to a place where maybe there is a lot more transparency.

But even so, sometimes that feels way too vulnerable.