Jeff Hiller

Thank you.

Jeff, what is this?

Thank you.

LAUGHTER

Calling someone an American? No. That may be coming.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

No, I'm kidding.

What if they flip it, though, and you have to start wearing a brassiere on your head and cover it up? If this is a big sexual problem... I don't want you flaunting it around the office.

You pick up your hat and you're like, they go, you're flashing me. You're like, officer, my eyes are down here.

Hold on, Captain, there's a worm on a hook over there. Let's go investigate.

Saturn is really hot, right? Man, the number of times in grade school where I was like, they were like, will you focus? And I'm like, I am.

It is very offensive when someone just comes back and you're in that little tiny space and you're collapsing your skeleton in like a praying mantis and eating pretzels. It's like, bam, I'm here now with my bald head in your lap. That's not cool.

It is tricky because you get caught in these traditions. You have to go to the same place year after year. And sometimes they don't make great gravy or other things. So you got to come up with sneaky ways to get yours in there. Ziploc bag in your pocket full of gravy. Good way to do it. Yeah.

Yeah, I get a little Ziploc thing of gravy. I'm like, don't tell your mother.

Uh, college.

Because, uh, find my iPhone.

Hilarious.

That is cool.

The San Francisco Sleep Center, where guests can go to sleep in pods and wake up in four years when this is all over.

This is very generational, though. Older celebrities, this isn't going to happen. Old people don't want to come out. Even if they look exactly like Jack Klugman, they're not coming out.

We've gone way too far. It's so gross. My grandparents slept in a one full-size bed. It was just a little bit larger than a twin. And these were not small people. No. And they slept in that bed for 50 years together, every single night. And let me be clear, they hated each other.

I lose my AirPods on my bed five times a week. The idea of getting a bigger bed, unless they increase the size of the AirPods, I'm not getting it.

A belly filled with pot.

Oh. He had a baby there.

Ew. Oh, geez.

That's so gross. It's so gross that I was more comfortable with my first answer of diarrhea.

So let me get this straight, just because I'm flying tomorrow. Tarantulas, bullet ants, or gravy? Right.

While some may think that the demands of rock stars can be extravagant, a famous Italian opera singer may put them all to shame. The legendary alto Josephine Giglio credits her longevity to creating a tropical backstage environment that keeps her voice in shape and theater staff pulling out their hair.

The dressing rooms must be kept at 85% humidity, generated by plants, misting machines, and 12 heavy-breathing howler monkeys from the Peruvian rainforest. Two hours before showtime, anyone over 5 feet 2 inches tall has to leave the backstage area so as not to directly inhale any of Josephine's perfect air. The monkeys, who average 3 feet in height, are welcome to stay.

Finally, after her vocal warm-ups in this perfectly tropical air, Josephine's private chef caps things off by serving her red wine and meatballs, because after all, she is an Italian diva.

Yeah, I don't know, man. That's how I feel about it. Well, well, that was a weird answer. Yeah, I guess so.