Jeff

We had, okay, when I was, so I was very nervous to start dating again and to have sex again with a new person, right? It had been years since I'd been with somebody new. I was very nervous and I went over to his apartment one day and I said, Jeff, we have to have pretend sex and you have to tell me the truth about my body. What does pretend sex mean?

Like, I stripped down to my underwear and he rolled out his yoga mat. And he said, should I take off my clothes? I said, no. He took off his shirt anyway. He loved to take his shirt off. And, yeah, we just got down. I did all these, like, went through a little Kama Sutra of different positions. And I would say, okay, look here. See how my stomach is hanging right now? What about this?

Like, I stripped down to my underwear and he rolled out his yoga mat. And he said, should I take off my clothes? I said, no. He took off his shirt anyway. He loved to take his shirt off. And, yeah, we just got down. I did all these, like, went through a little Kama Sutra of different positions. And I would say, okay, look here. See how my stomach is hanging right now? What about this?

What about that? What about this cottage cheese on my thigh?

What about that? What about this cottage cheese on my thigh?

He said, you look great. You're amazing. At one point, you maybe can't put this on there. We'll see. I was on top of him. And I said, look at my stomach right now. You're not even noticing this. Do you see? It's like punched down bread dough. And he said, if my dick is in you right now, I'm not seeing anything else. It feels amazing. You look amazing.

He said, you look great. You're amazing. At one point, you maybe can't put this on there. We'll see. I was on top of him. And I said, look at my stomach right now. You're not even noticing this. Do you see? It's like punched down bread dough. And he said, if my dick is in you right now, I'm not seeing anything else. It feels amazing. You look amazing.

bumping against each other so tell me about like was there kind of like a classic fight between the two of you he loved to talk about religion that was the main thing is that I go to church a lot I'm pretty into pretty into God I'm a Jesus freak. But I'm not, I don't love to talk about it. It feels very personal to me. And I definitely don't like to debate about it.

bumping against each other so tell me about like was there kind of like a classic fight between the two of you he loved to talk about religion that was the main thing is that I go to church a lot I'm pretty into pretty into God I'm a Jesus freak. But I'm not, I don't love to talk about it. It feels very personal to me. And I definitely don't like to debate about it.

I'm not interested in defending my beliefs to anyone or even explaining them particularly. It's just kind of my thing. And Jeff, I think he was very curious about spirituality and faith and And really wanted to know. But the way that he would ask me about it came out in this very teasing slash challenging way. And it really felt like he just wanted to make me mad.

I'm not interested in defending my beliefs to anyone or even explaining them particularly. It's just kind of my thing. And Jeff, I think he was very curious about spirituality and faith and And really wanted to know. But the way that he would ask me about it came out in this very teasing slash challenging way. And it really felt like he just wanted to make me mad.

And I would say, Jeff, I don't want to talk about this. This is not fun for me. But he loved to argue. He loved to play devil's advocate just to kind of get someone to debate with him. And he would just pick on me until I told him to fuck off. Was he good at apologizing?

And I would say, Jeff, I don't want to talk about this. This is not fun for me. But he loved to argue. He loved to play devil's advocate just to kind of get someone to debate with him. And he would just pick on me until I told him to fuck off. Was he good at apologizing?

I think toward the beginning of our friendship, yes. And toward the end, no. And that's where the fight started to feel more serious. It was like... How can I do this? That's not visual. But when they're two parallel lines and they get closer together and further apart and closer together. And that's what I assumed would keep happening throughout our lives.

I think toward the beginning of our friendship, yes. And toward the end, no. And that's where the fight started to feel more serious. It was like... How can I do this? That's not visual. But when they're two parallel lines and they get closer together and further apart and closer together. And that's what I assumed would keep happening throughout our lives.

That there would be these times where we, you know, the paths were diverging a little bit and then we would come back together. Even toward the end, it's hard to jump, but when we were fighting, when we weren't speaking, I knew that we had this deep connection that was never, ever going to go away.

That there would be these times where we, you know, the paths were diverging a little bit and then we would come back together. Even toward the end, it's hard to jump, but when we were fighting, when we weren't speaking, I knew that we had this deep connection that was never, ever going to go away.

I remember he came over to my apartment and I remember exactly where I was standing, where he was standing in my living room. And he said, I have cancer, thyroid cancer. I cried. We both cried. I cried. We hugged. I told him he was going to be okay. And I'm not going to remember exactly the things, but I feel like he had had it for some years.

I remember he came over to my apartment and I remember exactly where I was standing, where he was standing in my living room. And he said, I have cancer, thyroid cancer. I cried. We both cried. I cried. We hugged. I told him he was going to be okay. And I'm not going to remember exactly the things, but I feel like he had had it for some years.

They told him that he had probably had it for many years. And it was very slow growing. And he was supposed to have surgery, you know, take the tumor out. But he was too stubborn. And he put off that surgery until he really almost couldn't breathe or swallow. Like, he had to have it. Why did he put it off? He thought that he could treat it himself. He did not trust Western medicine.