Jeff

They told him that he had probably had it for many years. And it was very slow growing. And he was supposed to have surgery, you know, take the tumor out. But he was too stubborn. And he put off that surgery until he really almost couldn't breathe or swallow. Like, he had to have it. Why did he put it off? He thought that he could treat it himself. He did not trust Western medicine.

Jeff had a younger brother who died when he was, his name was Victor. Victor was four and Jeff was, I believe, eight. And Victor was having a routine procedure. He had a droopy eyelid, I think, and something went wrong with the anesthesia and he died. And I think that that affected him for the rest of his life in some mistrust of the medical world. Doctors, yeah.

Jeff had a younger brother who died when he was, his name was Victor. Victor was four and Jeff was, I believe, eight. And Victor was having a routine procedure. He had a droopy eyelid, I think, and something went wrong with the anesthesia and he died. And I think that that affected him for the rest of his life in some mistrust of the medical world. Doctors, yeah.

And maybe that's part of why he thought that he could use Dr. YouTube. He tried to tell me about all the YouTube videos he was watching and I didn't really want to hear it. He stopped eating bananas for a while. He really loved bananas and he was like, I'm doing this diet where you can't eat anything that doesn't grow at your same latitude.

And maybe that's part of why he thought that he could use Dr. YouTube. He tried to tell me about all the YouTube videos he was watching and I didn't really want to hear it. He stopped eating bananas for a while. He really loved bananas and he was like, I'm doing this diet where you can't eat anything that doesn't grow at your same latitude.

There was this high dose cannabis oil that he ordered online. And that he took too much one afternoon and he called me. I didn't pick up and I saw that I'd missed a bunch of calls from him. And then I had this frantic voicemail. He said he thought he was going to die because he was too high.

There was this high dose cannabis oil that he ordered online. And that he took too much one afternoon and he called me. I didn't pick up and I saw that I'd missed a bunch of calls from him. And then I had this frantic voicemail. He said he thought he was going to die because he was too high.

I was so angry. And I stopped talking to him. And I told him, I said, I will talk to you again when you do what the doctors are telling you to do. You need to get surgery. If he would call me with any kind of symptoms, any kind of complaints at all, I just, I wouldn't hear it because I said, well, you need to get surgery. I was furious. I get it. But what was the, the anger was because why?

I was so angry. And I stopped talking to him. And I told him, I said, I will talk to you again when you do what the doctors are telling you to do. You need to get surgery. If he would call me with any kind of symptoms, any kind of complaints at all, I just, I wouldn't hear it because I said, well, you need to get surgery. I was furious. I get it. But what was the, the anger was because why?

I loved him and I wanted him to be okay. And I thought he absolutely could be okay. And he was fairly passive about that, always. And in the times when I would stop talking to him, what I wanted was for him to pursue me, to love me enough to fix it, to say like, oh, Elizabeth's angry. Let me talk to her. Let me fix this. And that wasn't his way.

I loved him and I wanted him to be okay. And I thought he absolutely could be okay. And he was fairly passive about that, always. And in the times when I would stop talking to him, what I wanted was for him to pursue me, to love me enough to fix it, to say like, oh, Elizabeth's angry. Let me talk to her. Let me fix this. And that wasn't his way.

Yeah, always. Every day. Every day. I started to have dreams about him. I had been angry with him. We weren't talking. And I started to have these really intense sex dreams about Jeff. And I would wake up and be so turned on. And I would think, all right, I'm just going to calm up. I'm going to go over there and we're just going to act out this dream where it's on.

Yeah, always. Every day. Every day. I started to have dreams about him. I had been angry with him. We weren't talking. And I started to have these really intense sex dreams about Jeff. And I would wake up and be so turned on. And I would think, all right, I'm just going to calm up. I'm going to go over there and we're just going to act out this dream where it's on.

Like I can't, you know, it's like, I don't care if I'm mad at him. But then I would be so turned on that I had to just take care of it myself. Yeah. So I would masturbate and then get up. By the time I was like having my coffee, I was like, you know what? It's fine. I don't need to call him.

Like I can't, you know, it's like, I don't care if I'm mad at him. But then I would be so turned on that I had to just take care of it myself. Yeah. So I would masturbate and then get up. By the time I was like having my coffee, I was like, you know what? It's fine. I don't need to call him.

It didn't exactly, only because we always kind of went in and out of hanging out every day and we'd be caught up in our separate things. So I never, never thought that we wouldn't come back together. I felt like I was his person. I was his just life partner, just doing life together, including when we were mad at each other.

It didn't exactly, only because we always kind of went in and out of hanging out every day and we'd be caught up in our separate things. So I never, never thought that we wouldn't come back together. I felt like I was his person. I was his just life partner, just doing life together, including when we were mad at each other.

Mostly me mad at him, but... I also think there was an element of that the tension was building between us, that I think the pretend sex was sort of a... The pretend sex and the sex dreams, it was kind of all heading toward this, our friendship is becoming something else.

Mostly me mad at him, but... I also think there was an element of that the tension was building between us, that I think the pretend sex was sort of a... The pretend sex and the sex dreams, it was kind of all heading toward this, our friendship is becoming something else.

So it was the end of May, May 29th, and our friend Ellison texted me a screenshot of a text from Jeff saying he was in the emergency room at Cedars-Sinai. I didn't even know he was in Los Angeles. We had not been in touch for some time. And Ellison said, why don't you give it a day or two? I will find out what's going on. I'll let you know. And I said, okay.