Jefferson Fisher

They have a document called the jury instructions.

And it's written out who's responsible, this person, this person.

They do this, yes or no.

They add percentages.

They might add money, whatever it is.

It is this document that controls the ultimate outcome of the entire case.

And good attorneys start with the jury instructions when they first get a new file.

Bad attorneys wait till the very end.

Same way in relationships.

Like you mentioned, if I know where the goal is, everything else becomes fluff.

Everything else becomes irrelevant.

So what if they said that thing two years ago that you could bring up?

So what if they said it a way that they rolled their eyes?

Can you have a little bit more emotional resilience

to understand what's happening in that moment, to not be clouded by the forest, the trees through the forest, to be able to see what's happening in real life.

So start with your end, have a goal for the conversation,

And make sure, if I could say with you, let's say you and I are off and I say, Jay, I know we're about to have a difficult conversation and I want you to know I'm going to be in it here with you.

I mean, how encouraged do you feel of knowing I'm not trying to abandon you in it?

I'm not trying to push something at you.

And when you are able to slow it down and see arguments as not something to win, but something to unravel, you find so much more in the connection.