Jefferson Fisher

So the answer really for both of those is almost the same. You set yourself up for failure when you try to begin with the pleasantry, the small talk, the soft stuff, the fluff, when you can come into the conversation. Let's put it in a scenario, maybe not in the bedroom context, but let's say you have something sensitive that you're going to say. And you begin with, so how was your day?

That's great. Oh, yeah. Was that good? Oh, did you see John today? Oh, that's wonderful. And then you go, exactly. And then what happens is you hear this. Did you hear John today? That's great. That's crazy. So listen, you know, I had... Right there. That's it. That's it. That's the transition. You heard it.

That's great. Oh, yeah. Was that good? Oh, did you see John today? Oh, that's wonderful. And then you go, exactly. And then what happens is you hear this. Did you hear John today? That's great. That's crazy. So listen, you know, I had... Right there. That's it. That's it. That's the transition. You heard it.

That's great. Oh, yeah. Was that good? Oh, did you see John today? Oh, that's wonderful. And then you go, exactly. And then what happens is you hear this. Did you hear John today? That's great. That's crazy. So listen, you know, I had... Right there. That's it. That's it. That's the transition. You heard it.

So listen, you and then all of a sudden, everybody knows the temperature in the room has gone down. Now it's okay, where is she heading with this? I'm feeling like there's something that is hidden from me. You're trying to get to the point of I want to bring up this sensitive issue. All they hear is I'm so bad. I'm so bad. I need to get defensive right now. I'm not so bad.

So listen, you and then all of a sudden, everybody knows the temperature in the room has gone down. Now it's okay, where is she heading with this? I'm feeling like there's something that is hidden from me. You're trying to get to the point of I want to bring up this sensitive issue. All they hear is I'm so bad. I'm so bad. I need to get defensive right now. I'm not so bad.

So listen, you and then all of a sudden, everybody knows the temperature in the room has gone down. Now it's okay, where is she heading with this? I'm feeling like there's something that is hidden from me. You're trying to get to the point of I want to bring up this sensitive issue. All they hear is I'm so bad. I'm so bad. I need to get defensive right now. I'm not so bad.

So they need to put up, put up, put up. Instead, you need to just lead with the hard talk. So if it is... I, this is what I like to say. Let me put it in some business context real quick. So if something, somebody's calling me with bad news, like on my team, uh, they are to say, you're not going to like this, like right out of the gate. Yes. As soon as I answer it, you're not going to like this.

So they need to put up, put up, put up. Instead, you need to just lead with the hard talk. So if it is... I, this is what I like to say. Let me put it in some business context real quick. So if something, somebody's calling me with bad news, like on my team, uh, they are to say, you're not going to like this, like right out of the gate. Yes. As soon as I answer it, you're not going to like this.

So they need to put up, put up, put up. Instead, you need to just lead with the hard talk. So if it is... I, this is what I like to say. Let me put it in some business context real quick. So if something, somebody's calling me with bad news, like on my team, uh, they are to say, you're not going to like this, like right out of the gate. Yes. As soon as I answer it, you're not going to like this.

This is going to be – I'm going to be vulnerable telling you this. Whenever you can just try and prime the conversation with exactly what it's going to be, this isn't going to be fun for us to talk about. Then you get into the conversation rather than trying to come at it indirectly with a whole lot of fluff where it's just going to work up their anxiety because they don't know where –

This is going to be – I'm going to be vulnerable telling you this. Whenever you can just try and prime the conversation with exactly what it's going to be, this isn't going to be fun for us to talk about. Then you get into the conversation rather than trying to come at it indirectly with a whole lot of fluff where it's just going to work up their anxiety because they don't know where –

This is going to be – I'm going to be vulnerable telling you this. Whenever you can just try and prime the conversation with exactly what it's going to be, this isn't going to be fun for us to talk about. Then you get into the conversation rather than trying to come at it indirectly with a whole lot of fluff where it's just going to work up their anxiety because they don't know where –

you're going throughout all of it. So that would be the biggest takeaway. So if you're saying something that you want to have like a very sensitive discussion, let's say it is about things that happen in the home, then I would prefer that you lead very much with the hard intro. And that is, this is something that's going to be important to me.

you're going throughout all of it. So that would be the biggest takeaway. So if you're saying something that you want to have like a very sensitive discussion, let's say it is about things that happen in the home, then I would prefer that you lead very much with the hard intro. And that is, this is something that's going to be important to me.

you're going throughout all of it. So that would be the biggest takeaway. So if you're saying something that you want to have like a very sensitive discussion, let's say it is about things that happen in the home, then I would prefer that you lead very much with the hard intro. And that is, this is something that's going to be important to me.

That's something that's going to be vulnerable for us to talk about. And I'm telling you about it because I know you want me to be vulnerable with you.

That's something that's going to be vulnerable for us to talk about. And I'm telling you about it because I know you want me to be vulnerable with you.

That's something that's going to be vulnerable for us to talk about. And I'm telling you about it because I know you want me to be vulnerable with you.

It's hard to teach. Often it is the idea that you have to leave enough room in that conversation for what they're not saying. But often you have people who will very much tell you the truth, but it's in the silence of their words that it's the real answer. They could say something. Yeah, like, are you cheating on me? Exactly.