Jefferson Fisher

Yeah.

Right. Funny thing about defensiveness is it becomes a cycle. So you take something somebody says a certain way and you don't like it. So you get defensive. You say something defensive. Yeah. Well, in turn, the other person gets defensive and now you're convinced you're under attack.

Right. Funny thing about defensiveness is it becomes a cycle. So you take something somebody says a certain way and you don't like it. So you get defensive. You say something defensive. Yeah. Well, in turn, the other person gets defensive and now you're convinced you're under attack.

Right. Funny thing about defensiveness is it becomes a cycle. So you take something somebody says a certain way and you don't like it. So you get defensive. You say something defensive. Yeah. Well, in turn, the other person gets defensive and now you're convinced you're under attack.

And so it becomes this loop, what I call a self-fulfilling prophecy, that you say, I thought you were mad at me kind of thing. You convince yourself that you were mad at somebody. When you get defensive, it's like locking the door in your room and then being mad at somebody that they can't come in. They should understand me.

And so it becomes this loop, what I call a self-fulfilling prophecy, that you say, I thought you were mad at me kind of thing. You convince yourself that you were mad at somebody. When you get defensive, it's like locking the door in your room and then being mad at somebody that they can't come in. They should understand me.

And so it becomes this loop, what I call a self-fulfilling prophecy, that you say, I thought you were mad at me kind of thing. You convince yourself that you were mad at somebody. When you get defensive, it's like locking the door in your room and then being mad at somebody that they can't come in. They should understand me.

You still expect them to cater to your needs when you've totally blocked out all of theirs. So it creates this wall that they should know. They should know how I feel. They should know that would upset me. But you care nothing about what's happening to the other person. Now, you can do certain things and techniques to prevent defensiveness from the other person.

You still expect them to cater to your needs when you've totally blocked out all of theirs. So it creates this wall that they should know. They should know how I feel. They should know that would upset me. But you care nothing about what's happening to the other person. Now, you can do certain things and techniques to prevent defensiveness from the other person.

You still expect them to cater to your needs when you've totally blocked out all of theirs. So it creates this wall that they should know. They should know how I feel. They should know that would upset me. But you care nothing about what's happening to the other person. Now, you can do certain things and techniques to prevent defensiveness from the other person.

It's very hard to prevent defensiveness in yourself aside from just dropping it, not taking things so personally. It's extremely hard. But most of the time... The yell that somebody's given you is truly just a bid for connection because they're tight, they're tension, they're wanting you to hear. Most of the time, the yell is them wanting to feel like they are connected in some way.

It's very hard to prevent defensiveness in yourself aside from just dropping it, not taking things so personally. It's extremely hard. But most of the time... The yell that somebody's given you is truly just a bid for connection because they're tight, they're tension, they're wanting you to hear. Most of the time, the yell is them wanting to feel like they are connected in some way.

It's very hard to prevent defensiveness in yourself aside from just dropping it, not taking things so personally. It's extremely hard. But most of the time... The yell that somebody's given you is truly just a bid for connection because they're tight, they're tension, they're wanting you to hear. Most of the time, the yell is them wanting to feel like they are connected in some way.

Now, it depends what they're yelling.

Now, it depends what they're yelling.

Now, it depends what they're yelling.

Yeah, that could be very different. But the whole idea of defensiveness is that it is probably the number one conversation killer. If I were to tell you, you say something to me and I go, I can tell I'm getting defensive at that. Now, when you hear that, does that make you sound like I know what I'm doing? Like I'm in control of myself or I'm not? When you say, I'm getting defensive about that.

Yeah, that could be very different. But the whole idea of defensiveness is that it is probably the number one conversation killer. If I were to tell you, you say something to me and I go, I can tell I'm getting defensive at that. Now, when you hear that, does that make you sound like I know what I'm doing? Like I'm in control of myself or I'm not? When you say, I'm getting defensive about that.

Yeah, that could be very different. But the whole idea of defensiveness is that it is probably the number one conversation killer. If I were to tell you, you say something to me and I go, I can tell I'm getting defensive at that. Now, when you hear that, does that make you sound like I know what I'm doing? Like I'm in control of myself or I'm not? When you say, I'm getting defensive about that.

Yeah, if I say, I can tell I'm getting defensive about that.