Jefferson Fisher

And good attorneys start with the jury instructions when they first get a new file.

Bad attorneys wait till the very end.

Same way in relationships.

Like you mentioned, if I know where the goal is, everything else becomes fluff.

Everything else becomes irrelevant.

So what if they said that thing two years ago that you could bring up?

So what if they said it a way that they rolled their eyes?

Can you have a little bit more emotional resilience

to understand what's happening in that moment, to not be clouded by the forest, the trees through the forest, to be able to see what's happening in real life.

So start with your end, have a goal for the conversation,

And make sure, if I could say with you, let's say you and I are off and I say, Jay, I know we're about to have a difficult conversation and I want you to know I'm going to be in it here with you.

I mean, how encouraged do you feel of knowing I'm not trying to abandon you in it?

I'm not trying to push something at you.

And when you are able to slow it down and see arguments as not something to win, but something to unravel, you find so much more in the connection.

You tell them in a way that communicates it, that it sinks in.

If something is said to me by Sierra and it triggers me,

One is there is a mindset to me in any relationship that you have to have that says, this is a place where I can be messy.

This is a place where I don't have to be my best.

Of all the places to be, this should be the safest for me.

Now, if it's intentional, this person meant to trigger you, then what I like to do is ask the question, did you mean?