Jefferson Fisher

Did you mean for that to upset me?

Did you mean for that to hurt me?

You find out real quick if they really did.

Because sometimes people say things they don't mean.

Not sometimes, they always do.

And if you find that you can't even slow down enough to have the discussion of this is what

hurt me you know that this triggers me i think there's also a difference of if they know that it does and they're using it as a weapon that breaches trust versus they didn't know it and now you need to explain why this this reminds you of that time when you were a kid that is setting you off and you're not really sure how to how to deal with it so when it comes to being triggered you first have to slow everything down

It means I'm going to talk slower.

I'm going to lower my volume rather than getting amped up.

And I'm going to let them know that something else is coming up for me more than what you said.

And if you're in a committed relationship that they want to understand you, that's a conversation you're going to have.

Your first word has to be your breath in those moments.

When somebody says something we don't like, we, and we get up like that.

We suck it in, but we don't let it out.

Instead, our breath comes out when we're yelling, when we're raising our voice.

When you start to yell and somebody says, you're yelling, and you go, I'm not yelling.

Because you know deep down that's exactly what you're doing.

If you find that you don't know how to slow it down, it's your breath.

Your breath always comes first so that you can actually breathe.

And there's a difference between if you say something that's hurtful and I immediately go, me?