Jefferson Fisher

And I realized that what would end up happening is I just wouldn't come into the bedroom.

I'd like go and do it in the toilet or the shower, or I just like, I wouldn't come to bed if I needed to do something on my phone.

And so the conversation went where I was like, I realized in this moment that I had to kind of like,

not lay down on this issue because I would disappoint her in the future.

I was setting myself up to fail in the future.

If I accepted this and made her some kind of promise, agreed that I wasn't going to touch my phone ever again in the bedroom.

And so that was one such example where I'm like, I think I actually need to stand my ground a bit here or I'm setting myself up for a future expectation I can't meet.

So in that moment, what did you think her need was?

Her need was connection.

And she was interpreting me being on the phone in that space as a disconnection in some way.

And could it possibly be perceived as that?

100%.

But it wasn't the phone.

It was her not feeling connected.

In my view, at that moment in time, in that particular week, because I was so busy in that particular week, that I think she was trying to find a symptom or a tool or a guarantee or a promise to express...

The feeling of disconnection.

So that's why I look back on it and go, it was actually something else.

That was just a symptom of a feeling she had at that moment in time, probably.

Right.

But that was an example where, like, if I'd conceded, it would not have been sustainable.