Jennifer Bray

but the other part of it as well is you're putting yourself out there it's a kind of scary world there's a lot of anger and hate and people are quite divided and it feels like you're putting yourself into that and that's scary you know and because when I go on like radio or whatever to talk about the day job I'm talking about a topic that I will know usually sometimes I'm winging it

But like normally I will know what I'm talking about, but you're talking about a topic.

You know, when you're coming to do interviews about your book, you're kind of, you're talking about yourself.

It's a completely different prospect.

And I think as well, there's this thing for me about being seen.

And I never realized how terrified I've been of like being seen for who I am.

And I know that sounds like really like woo-woo, but it has kept me awake at night going, oh my God, what if everyone hates me?

And then it's like, okay, well, people are going to think what they're going to think.

Just be yourself.

I mean I was trying to think even last night this memory came back to me I was just like at home like puttering around cleaning things that are never clean and I remembered sitting on the couch with my mom when I was like four or five and her reading like the princess and the pea and like

Jack and the Beanstalk and all those you know kind of kids books to me and I it just I just remember even then being so transported to this fairy tale world I couldn't believe it and then when I got a bit older um I got into the Harry Potter books and I was the same age as the characters and that as the books came out and oh my god you're so young I'm not you are that's young to me that's young

Don't feel you're going to feel old.

But I just remember like, this is going to sound so lame, but when, spoiler alert, when Dumbledore dies, I bawled reading the book.

And I remember going, hold on, books can make you cry.

Books can transport you to a world that doesn't exist.

that really opened my mind and then when I was a teenager I started to read thrillers I probably started reading them a little bit too young but whatever we move and I remember just finishing thrillers and going what how did they how did they do that how did they play those tricks on me you know and that was kind of the journey was just the sense of awe of what writers do and being transported and when I got to being a lady you know later in my teenage years I'm like I kind of had a

I really, really wanted to be independent.

I wanted to be financially independent.

I grew up in a big family.

So having space is important to me.