Jessi

And she's like, and if you feel in, you know, any sort of way, you know, we can stop or whatever it might be.

And we watched it all the way through.

It was emotional, man.

Having to relive that and see some of the things firsthand.

The trip to St.

George and hyper-focusing on specific details that went down and having to see myself

react the way that I did to certain things.

It's hurtful.

It's painful to see yourself in that light and it's painful to see the most important person in your life relive those moments too.

Looking back and watching that back, it was really eye-opening to see that.

And obviously when we are filming, we record hundreds of hours and very, very little makes the cut.

There were a lot of scenes that didn't make the cut that

you know honestly we're pretty bad you know to be forthcoming and about your behavior oh yeah yeah yeah and through the entirety of filming season two i i we were going through all of this and i was doing we were both doing everything we could to keep a lid on it

And I felt like I was dying inside because I couldn't talk to anyone about this because the risk of it getting out was something I was completely petrified of.

And I think she was petrified of it as well.

Both.

I think during that six months, I was probably coming at it from more of a selfish standpoint.

I think that I was so embarrassed and felt a lot of shame if people knew what my wife had done.

And I wasn't even worried about what I had done to put her in a place where she felt that that was a need.

Does that make sense?