Jessica Lanyadoo

How should we handle this?

Problem solved like a team.

OK.

Problem solved like a team.

And when the two of you do that, you're good.

You're actually good.

Right.

It's just that this structure I'm giving you is awkward and forced, but it creates the space you need to both really listen to him, because if you don't really listen to him, then the shame spikes.

Right.

And also truly share what's true for you, which will make you feel shame whether you do share it or you don't share it because you open your mouth and the shame comes.

So this is where you're going to want to practice and be like, take a minute if that shame spike happens and just be like, okay, I'm going to just like read through this instead of being like, oh, I shouldn't have said that.

Oh, I said that wrong.

You will say things wrong and he's in love with you and he married you and he's growing a human with you.

So like, he's cool with you saying things wrong now and again, like it's okay.

You don't have to be that heavy on yourself.

He's not, he doesn't mind if he says something wrong.

He doesn't mind if you say something wrong.

He's not like a punishing guy.

No, no.

You're the punishing guy.