Jessica Lanyadoo

She became entitled.

So all of this focus I've given you on giving yourself permission to have feelings and asking your partner for help is going to make you feel selfish because you are centering your feelings and your needs in the short term.

But in the long term, what it does is it inhibits you from becoming kind of gnarled in on yourself, which is what happened to your mom.

Because she never gave herself permission to actually have a back and forth with people.

She was constantly defensive with people and your people.

So she was defensive with you.

And the best way to navigate selfishness is by caring for yourself as a foundation for how we treat others.

If you want your partner and your child to be honest with you, you have to be honest with them.

If you want your partner and your child to say, I need help right now.

then you need to be able to say, I need help right now.

If your mother had used this ethos as a guiding principle, then most of the issues that you're thinking of right now that you're referring to wouldn't be issues with her.

There'd be personality differences, but they wouldn't be like the level, right?

Yeah, yeah.

And so here's the fucking irony.

It's the paradox.

In order to not be selfish, you need to center and prioritize yourself, right?

Because the truth is all of this shoving down of your emotions, all of this, I'll take care of everything.

I'll be a self-cleaning oven is selfish.

It's you protecting yourself from rejection from others or judgment from others.

Yeah.