Jillian Turecki
speaker
1,450 appearances
11 recordings
9 series
first heard Jan 2025
last heard Apr 2025
Jillian Turecki’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
But I don't want that to discourage you. I wanted to just encourage you to do it and encourage you to choose partners who are going to be in it with you and to stop choosing the partner who's always rejecting you and who's just not right for you. That's driving you deeper and deeper into your own pathology and making you miserable.
Who you choose matters. It's like more than half the battle.
Absolutely. Who you spend your life with. Because the person who you spend your life with is going to have the greatest impact on your overall well-being. They just are. You can't, I mean, you become in many ways, you're two people, but you also in many ways become one.
Absolutely. It's who you spend the most time with.
Yes. But then you also have to, you know, realize no one's response. Like your partner can make you smile and they should. You know, often your partner can make you laugh and I think they should often. And they can make you feel good a lot of the time and they should. But you knew there was a but. No one can fulfill you. No one single human being can fulfill you.
Fulfillment comes from various sources and various people who we interact with, but they can't actually fill that emptiness inside of you.
No. Love is not enough because of love, because people rarely end their relationships because of a lack of love. They end because they don't feel seen. They end because they feel misunderstood. They end because of resentment. Lots of people break up and say, I love this person, but I can't seem to make it work out with them.
Love is not enough because eventually the clouds will come in and it will cover the sun of love. And what we are left with is, you know, can we communicate? Can we relate to each other? Can we understand each other? Can we collaborate? Can we repair? I think that love is often the fuel that makes us want to do all of that. But again, sometimes you're not feeling so in love with your partner.
And it often has nothing to do with them. We make the mistake that if I'm not feeling head over heels in this moment, that it's something in them. When really it's you. You're stressed out. You're feeling disconnected from yourself. You haven't gotten enough sleep. You're not eating well. It's you. And the ultimate form of self-awareness, relationally speaking, is...
I understand that when I'm feeling off, the way that I see the world and the people in it, which includes my partner, is going to be a little bit skewed. Let me go reorient myself and get centered so that I can actually see people as they are.
100%.
Yeah, you're off. You're off.
Yeah, you're a little unhappy.
You're like suffering a little bit. Yeah, yeah, not bad.
It does.
Even if one person is living in that space, yeah, it's very, it's stress. Let me tell you something. It's to get back to your tools, figure out a way to manage your stress. That's very, very important. Look, sometimes very stressful things happen in life. Like there are legit circumstances that are very difficult, like deaths and stuff and illness and money problems. But more times than not,
It's not what's the stress, it's how we're reacting to the stress. And people think that once their lives become less stressful, that their relationships would get better. When the truth is, once you start reacting to your stress differently, then your relationship will get better.
Yeah, that's very different. That's very different.
Yeah.
Resentment. Resentment, you know, which leads them to contempt. Resentment is really bad. And resentment comes because people, there's a couple of reasons. Either they're not speaking the truth, they're not telling the truth, and or their expectations are out of control. Like I expect my partner to just know how I'm feeling rather than for me to express what I'm feeling.
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