Jillian Turecki
speaker
1,450 appearances
11 recordings
9 series
first heard Jan 2025
last heard Apr 2025
Jillian Turecki’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
Yeah, it was just, there were crushes developed, right? Which is normal because I'm sort of like in a position like, you know, but again, the pedestal, I've been put on many, many pedestals, which when I was younger, I enjoyed because I thought that's great. Yeah. When I became wiser.
Yeah, exactly. But when you become wiser, you realize if you're on a pedestal, you're not being seen for who you are. You're being seen for who they want you to be. And so, you know, oh, she's a yogi. She's a teacher. She's got the glasses. I mean, it's the whole thing. It's like she's grounded. She has it together. And, like, yes, of course, like, all those things are true. And I'm also flawed.
And I've got trauma. And, like, I'm, like, really quirky. And, and, and, and, and, you know. So I guess my biggest fear as a relationship coach is a really amazing man being, I don't want being intimidated or thinking like, oh, she's a relationship coach. Like, what's that going to be like? Because who I am in a, like, I don't wear a relationship coach hat in my relationships.
No, I'm not more. Yeah, exactly. I'm really messed up. I'm just Jillian, right? I'm Jillian, the partner, Jillian, the girlfriend, Jillian, the lover. Like I'm just not, I, I don't analyze the people who I'm in a relationship with at all. So I don't, I don't, I don't want to.
Oh, for sure.
Totally. But I don't, but I don't want to be like, I want to be in a relationship with someone who has a few things to teach me and not the other way around. Yeah. Yeah. So that's my fear. So the kind of relationship that I want values, I mean,
Oh, my God, never. So here's something that I was saying yesterday that I think will speak to the value part, which is in the past, like in my ex-marriage, a lot of what inspired the writing of this book, There was a few incidents, but one that really is like etched in my brain that I go into detail in the book where there was his tendency would be to kind of shut down and kind of shut down.
Avoid. Avoid and shut down and just kind of like not tell me what was bothering him. So instead I had to guess it. And that was very much like my father. And because of that, there are just, and it would sometimes happen to a degree where it was really not nice. Really not nice.
No, before the marriage. This was before.
Because 90% of our relationship was great. 10% was very problematic. The 10% that was problematic was really big. And I was too afraid to look at it. Yeah, I learned a lot. Hence why I'm here, right? Yeah. If you can't tell me when you're upset with me or you're going through a hard time or you're just upset, you can't communicate on that base level. You don't have a shot with me.
I don't care how perfect it is for six months. You're gone.
You cannot do that. You can do it for two seconds and then immediately take responsibility because the shutting down and not being able to simply tell me what you're feeling is just not... It goes back to one of the three skills you talked about, the tools, learning how to communicate better.
That's emotional intelligence. That's totally fine. That's totally fine. You're communicating with me. You're in touch with what's going on in your body. You don't want to say anything that you would regret. You need some alone time to just regroup. I'm perfectly reassured that you're going to come back, that you're not running away. All good.
What a lot of women do, and also some men do, would be like, no, we need to talk about it right now. They protest. You can't do that. You can't do that. No, no, no. That's a recipe. You can't do that. So that's something that you have to find. If that, for example, is causing you a lot of anxiety... You have to respect that because that's actually really good.
That's someone taking care of themselves and the relationship as well.
But I love you. I'm just triggered right now. I don't want to say something that I'm going to regret. I'm not shutting down. I promise. I just need a couple hours and then we will talk about it. Then that person who maybe is feeling like, oh my God, anxious, then they have to self-suit. Then they have to call a friend. They have to call a family member. This is really uncomfortable.
Please remind me that everything is okay. I need to breathe. I maybe have to go for a walk. I have to do something for me. Remember me, you. You have a life that actually has nothing to do. You have a life outside of this partnership. Go tend to it. go tend to, it's going to be really uncomfortable.
And it's going to, especially for the anxious person, it's going to be extremely counterintuitive, but you got to go do that because you have to keep reminding yourself that you are a whole person without this person and that they actually just communicated. They didn't do, you know, they didn't just disappear, which by the way, would make anyone anxious.
That's, that's very high risk, um, relationship behavior. But it's also high-risk relationship behavior to not allow the space when someone has been very reassuring to you.
So you have to go then take care of yourself, work on a project, get your mind on something that is not just about the love and the partnership and something that reminds you in that moment of who you are and what your purpose is and the things that are meaningful to you. This is not easy. That's why the more wounded we are, the harder the work it is going to be in a relationship. It just is.
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