Joe Hudson

We have them.

And so...

that that'll totally change that pattern because they're going to have to feel all the stuff they have to feel to say those things.

So the thing that both of them are doing that's really important, and then we'll go into the women, is they're both doing this.

So the self-reliant man is actually saying, I want to be loved, I want to be nurtured, I want to be cared for, but I can't trust you to do it.

And you're not competent enough, and I'm going to take care of you.

So there's this position going on.

Love me, get away from me.

The same thing is happening with the needy position, which is I want you, I want you, I want you.

but I'm needy.

So like, why the fuck would you want me back?

Like, so there's this happening.

Both of those two things are occurring.

And it's the same, in some ways, it's the same pattern, not the self-reliant pattern, but it is the pattern of, I'm actually pushing love away because I'm scared I'm going to merge.

So if you talk to any of those women who are constantly in the chase and not getting it, and you ask them, like, what happened in your last relationship?

They're like, I totally abandoned myself and I just, like, dedicated to this guy and then the guy left me.

And...

Right?

That they totally abandoned, they totally went into the merge, and they don't want to merge again.

So the way they do that is to get unavailable men, and so they're repeating the pattern.