Joe Hudson

And so, again, the feeling for them is often, how do I...

feel that abandonment how do i feel that like loss how do i let the heartbreak of not the not the heartbreak of oh poor me but like the actual heartbreak of i am going to be abandoned i don't care if you get married to the greatest guy on earth he's going to abandon you from time to time he's not going to be everything you want that's going to happen

you're both gonna be human, shit's gonna go down.

Can you allow yourself fully the grief that somebody wasn't there for you the way that you wanted them to be there for you and really deeply feel that grief.

And if you can, and some other things like a woman who's, even men do this too, right?

They do the chasing thing.

What do you have to feel to not chase?

I wanna chase, I wanna, no, I'm not gonna send that text message.

What do I have to feel?

What's the thing that I have to feel?

And I'm not going to be taken care of as often another one like, oh, I have to feel like, oh, I'm in this on my own.

This is all me.

I have to do this all myself.

And to feel that, not that that's true, but you have to feel that experience.

And so if they can feel those emotions, then they will be in that upright position.

They'll stop doing the same pattern.

but they're both equally responsible.

It's a nice idea that it's like the man who's responsible, but if you're chasing unavailable men, that's not a them issue.

That's a you issue.

And equal pain on both sides.